What do you want? Let's get you there. Jeremy Roadruck's story.

Jeremy Roadruck: 0:00

any goal you set any any clan you make anything you want to plant a flag into just add a phrase at the end for me, please. And it's this dot dot dot and enjoy the process

Melissa Bright: 0:28

Hello, everyone and welcome back to another week's episode of the bright side of life. I am your host, Melissa bright. If this is your first time joining us, I just want to say welcome to the show a little bit of background about myself and why the bright side of life podcast exists. Um, I know a lot of my listeners have already heard this story, but I want new people to be able to know a little bit about the host. So highlight points of my story, but not necessarily high points in my life. I got pregnant at 16 Yes, this was a high point in my life, my daughter is my absolute world. She is 20 years old now. When I became pregnant, my mom became my best friend. And we became close as ever. Unfortunately, 10 years later, she passed away, leaving me feeling really sad and without a lot of support, because I was already a single mom, and my dad really wasn't in my life at any great capacity. Then in 2020, that all came to a head, I realized that I had shoved down everything about my mom's passing and really didn't deal with it. So I started therapy in 2020. Simultaneously, I wanted to help other people not feel alone in their struggles. And that's why the bright side of life exists. And then I've been on a healing journey for the last two years. Well, right smack dab in the middle of my healing journey. My real dad last year passed away. So by the age of 35, I have now lost both of my parents and I have been on a healing journey trying to heal from those wounds. And that's why you're here, you are here because I know that every day somebody is going through some kind of situation may be similar to mine, maybe nothing compared to mine. But they just want to know that they're not alone in their struggles. So that's exactly why you're here. And I hope you get value out of these episodes. All right now for today's guest. Today I am talking to the amazing, Jeremy rode Ruk. And he has a lot of titles under his belt. Literally, he's a best selling author, kung fu master Pan American champion, former military, corporate, former corporate drone, drone, I don't even know what half of these things are. But he's done them. And I'm gonna ask about some of them. But today, he really, really helps men in their lives and helps them with their business, helping them win in business and with their wives and kids. So we're gonna talk everything today from his story, how he got where he is today. But I think this is really a special episode for men. But that does not mean women don't listen, because we can both learn from each, both from learn from each other. Jeremy, how are you doing today?

Jeremy Roadruck: 3:20

I am amazing. Thank you. And I am so excited to be here. I've looked at some of your episodes, and you've got just a great disposition. And you really want to dig in on some powerful conversations, which is like what I love to do. So let's rock

Melissa Bright: 3:34

Yeah, me too. I am like, super curious. And I've always been that way. And now that I get to, like, do it all the time and have conversations and like, hey, stop, I get to have a conversation with you instead of like, you know, in passing or somebody dropped something and you're like, Man, I really want to explore that. But I can't because I just met you in the grocery store line or something, you know, like this a lot. Okay. We hadn't been in contact. I don't know, months ago about you possibly being on my podcast, then I put something out there this week. And you sent me a little blurb and you said abused on two continents. I was angry. I think you said hurting? Oh, your survival? Yeah, Survivor Mode for 20 years. Do you mind sharing a little bit of that story and giving a little bit of context, however much you want to share of that part of your story? Because I want people to know where you have been. So they can understand what you do now. And

Jeremy Roadruck: 4:36

absolutely. I'll preface it with this because people want to share people like Oh, that's very vulnerable. I'm like, not really for me. It's not vulnerable. It's just part of the path that got me where I am. Yeah, it's like I have a hand and it's reversible. And there's just the deal. Like it's not it's not anything because I've gone through the journey and I've resolved it and in the work that I do you know You've got existential wounds healed and resolved, when you can do three things, you can talk about it in the positive, you can talk about it and your actions in it. And you can talk about it for the future. As long as there is still energy held in the past, other people are in the negative, then existentially that wound is not fully healed yet. And in my experience, healing is possible. It's just a question of the time and energy and the vehicles you use to get there, and who you surround yourself with. Because if you have somebody helping you, and all they know to do is manage symptomology, then that's what they're going to do. And that's going to be their standard. And if it's just coping mechanisms, because that's all they know to do, or that's all they think is possible, then that's going to be the deal. And I don't teach management, I don't teach coping, I teach resolution. And then I work because as a hypnotherapist and a bunch of other modalities, I help work to get to the cause of things. And so what put me on this journey was five years old, and I was playing in Saudi Arabia, and my dad was military. Second generation, I'm third generation. And we were a military compound housing area, there was a construction site just outside of that. And so where we stayed for the, for the US ignition, we had security fences, and we had to guards and all this kind of stuff, just to kind of keep things appropriate. And Saudi Arabia, women can't go out without the appropriate cover and all that sort of thing. And some five years old, I'm out playing by myself, and this is in the 1970s. And kids could go out and play by themselves for hours at a time. No parents supervision. And I was in the construction area, I'm just like digging in the sand. And I'm goofing around and doing all the stuff. But it was the part of the military area. So it was secured. And then I was playing and I saw something and I went past the fences. And there was a security guard, probably early 20s. And he saw me and he made some noise to get my attention. And he was coming down out of the booth. And we don't need to get into all the graphicness but but he came down the booth making kissing noises to get my attention. And the next thing I remember, is snapping my head back into an M 16. It was being used as a pillow. And we were under some sort of an awning and I jumped up and I ran away, pulling my pants back up. And five years old, the way most of us are raised is five years old. You know, when you do something wrong, you get punished. Well, I went past the security gate, and I was out playing where I wasn't supposed to be playing. So I got punished, which was you know, that's what's supposed to happen. Yeah, but I didn't take my behavior was wrong. I internalize that as I was wrong. And then I couldn't tell my parents because I tell my parents, I was out playing where I wasn't supposed to, I'm gonna get in trouble again. So now I've got to hide what happened. And so that set me in motion in some unhelpful ways. And it's worth noting, like, when I was four, we lived in Turkey, I would run into traffic. So I was raised on a leash because I was like a real high energy kid, I fall asleep standing up in my crib leaning over the wall, the birds make noise at 4am 5am, I wake up, I'm 100% ready to go. So I have a ton of energy already. Then you add some abuse. Then when we came to United States, we were living living in Dayton, Ohio, and we were on one of the housing complexes. And something happened with a brother and a sister, we were playing in a closet. And something happened there. And I took action. And I had kind of an out of body experience. But it drove into me. I can't trust adults, I can't trust kids. And I don't I don't know where safety is. So I was kind of forced into a pattern. And I deleted a lot of these memories for about 20 years. But I was forced you to a place of Survivor Mode, and I can't trust anyone. So like I'm five, six years old, I walk into a room my back is to the wall. I know all the entrances and exits. I don't trust anyone for anything, everything is transactional. And at seven, I realized I was playing tic tac toe. And some part of me believe if I lose, I'm gonna die. So my level of intensity was really, really high. And I'm seeing all the other kids pull back. So I had to learn to be a mimic. And a chameleon and hide was the only way to be safe. Because Because I'm energetically mismatching. I don't know why I feel like I'm gonna die if I lose this game. So it made me very, very careful about what I competed in and what I cared about. Because if I care too much, I could get hurt, I could die. So I had to pull back a lot. And that was kind of my thinking for about 20 years, up until about mid mid 20s. And I had an intimate relationship and I fell into my feminine and people pleasing and doing all these things to try to make it work and a bunch of dysfunction there because you know, damaged people find damaged people. For the one good thing that relationship gave me was a safe place for those memories to start coming back. Because our unconscious very often will take stuff that we don't know how to process and take it away from us. And as we gain knowledge, we gain resources, we gain connections, we gain capacity. The unconscious will serve it back up and say are you ready to deal with us? And then if we freak out It says my bad and it takes it back away. But if it if we are ready to work through it, then it'll stay. And then we actually start to do the work of kind of working through stops. So in my, by that point, I was already a multi degree black belt, I was teaching, I had done a lot of work integrating myself. But there was always something, there was like gaps in my memory, there was always this feeling of something somewhere that wasn't settled. And that relationship allowed that information to start coming forward. And I started to work through it. And then I kind of reached a kind of a high tide and kind of got stagnant. And then I went through another pattern, that relationship ended. So I lost that safety net. And I kind of lost myself for about two years. And as it came out of that, that that's what drove me into getting the trainings that I now possess the certifications in neuro linguistic programming and no therapy, because I had to resolve this. I can't, I can't live this way. I can't impact the world around me. I'm not a predator. But I'm behaving like one. I'm using people. And that's not me, I'm a protector. So that that that thing that started when I was five or six, and why are we here? And what's our fate? And why do people say one thing and do a second thing. And the third thing and I don't like it all began to make sense in my 30s, it all began to come together. And now I have really powerful frames of reference. And that's all they are is just frames of reference to offer. If it makes sense for you to follow the path cool, we can work our way out of this really quickly. We can integrate and release some pretty powerful stuff, sometimes in as little as one conversation. Yeah, if you're at that thing called threshold, and you're like, I can't live like this anymore, I have to make a change. Cool. We can pivot that because now we've got a point that we can pivot your model of the world on, and we can then rebuild it. So I have like a three step process I take people through. But it's really like, like, I don't get anxious, I don't have anxiety, I don't get anxious, I don't get worried. Sometimes I have concerns. But I don't let it get so far that it's like worried and I'm powerless, I feel myself moving towards a concern. Okay, I need to dialogue on that. I need to like, unpack what's going on. And my wife and I have language for each other to just, hey, I need some support on this. And we're able to ask for each other. What do we need? What's going on? You know, I'm just I'm just feeling like, I got a lot of lines running in my head right now, I'm getting older. Can you help me kind of just separate this apart? So. So we're able to ask and language it in a way that puts us more at cause. And this is a pattern of thinking it's a pattern of feeling because once we identify it and we disassociate in a healthy way, we can change the pattern. Because it's it doesn't have to be a set of dominoes that start going just you see the dominoes going, and you just pull one or two out and then one of them will drop and it hits nothing. And now you're like it peace for a second and say, Okay, take a deep breath. All right, dude, do that. What's going on? Not not why? Because why tends to spin people in stories. What is going on? How are you feeling? So what's in house as a very powerful framework? Why you get this big, huge story and justification, rationalization? And those are all true, but it keeps you stuck where you don't want to be? Yeah, right. And I listen to a lot of times people don't realize it, but they're arguing for their limitations. They're justifying their pain. And it's like, those are all true. And I respect you for being able to understand your path. But ultimately, what do you really want? Do you want to be right? And hold on to this pain? And this this anger? And this emotion does? Is that serving you at your highest purpose? Or do you want to be free of it? Because there's a way to get there, if that's what you truly desire. If you want to stay there, it's not my job to take away what you don't want to let go of, right? Consent is a beautiful thing. At all, everything I do starts with consent. It's always permission. I don't code without permission. And like, Can I offer you a point of view? Can I offer you a frame of reference? Can I offer you a perspective, it's only I can offer it because I can't make you take it you have to write I really respect the energy that this person has. And I have some frames that may be something that haven't considered before, but it could possibly give you more choice and more options and more freedom. Would you be interested in that? Yeah, yeah.

Melissa Bright: 14:18

Okay. Oh, my gosh, you said, that's a big data dump. Yeah, no, I I love it. And I just so enjoy hearing people's different I don't even want to say perspectives. They can be the same things, but set in a different way. And then I will take that and be like, oh, like the analogy about the dominoes. That's a great like, I work on analogies and like cliches to help me understand. And I'm like, I like that. And then you said there's something about the why because I'm very guilty of that because I've started always asking myself, Where is this coming? Um, why is this happening? And now you just said, well, then you do kind of get in the cycle of telling your stories. And I'm like, oh, yeah,

Jeremy Roadruck: 15:08

I saw a meme one time, there's someone pointed out, and it's like, you know, why did bad things happen? Because you're dumb and make stupid choices? is like the question. Why doesn't there's not enough context to that? Yeah. Why? Because someone likes all the red off your candy when you were to lately, the Y doesn't matter. What do you want? Because y is just the backstory. What do you want? What do you want to feel? What do you want to think? How do you want to live? How do you want to operate? Well, I can't have that. Okay. Now I know there's a story. I can't have that. Okay, what why don't not why do you believe that? What allows you to believe that what makes you believe that what drives you to that belief? What? How? Because I want to get the strategy, not the attachment, because why creates an attachment usually unconsciously? Why can't have that because I was treated this way, once upon a time. Okay, well, what made those people qualified to be the arbiters of all value in your life? Just because they didn't give you like, I know someone who has a mom wound, and they want approval from their mom. Okay. Does does your mom have approval in her life? Does she feel approval by her parents? No. Okay, how can she give you what she doesn't have? She doesn't know what it's like to have somebody validate her and approve her. So she doesn't have it? How can she give it to you? Because she doesn't possess it. So what could you do to validate her? What areas I realize a lot of her Mom, mommy wasn't great. But what parts of her momming Did she do that was good, or that you learn from to make your own standards that serves you in your life, you can say, hey, thank you, Mom, I know everything wasn't sunshine, Skittles and rainbows. But because you were this way, I learned to operate this other way. And I think that has served me and my family and the people I love so much. Thank you, for you being you. Because it helped me to authentically be myself. And we might not see eye to eye. But at least I have enough strength of character to own this piece. Because you have strength to assert yourself in this way. And that way we can unplug before the blame the guilt, the shame, and we can just appreciate. Even if they gave you a bad example, they gave you a standard to push against and say I'm not going to be exactly like that. Oh, well, isn't that a fantastic thing to now possess. That's why positive self future, you're unpacking it the strongest possible interpretation of that story. So you can let go of it. When I was 26, I realized I'm the first mean my parents ever raised the next time they do it, they'll do it right. And I was mad at them for stuff that they were supposed to show up for me in some way. But I never told them about the abuse. So how are they supposed to know? I remember when I was 14, and my mom was like, What happened to you? You were such a nice kid when you were four. So she gave me a cry for help, right? Because you either get a loving response or a cry for help. So she gave me her cry for help. And I responded with a cry for help. As I said, I killed it and took his place. This is who I am now. Because what I received was, we don't like you at 14 We liked you when you were four. But when I was four, I ran into traffic. I was raised on a leash, I couldn't do a bunch of stuff. You would rather have me behave like a four year old than behave like who I am now. Which felt like rejection. Yeah, so now I feel attacks. Now I'm gonna attack and I then threw stuff at her. I killed him and took his place deal with a bitch and I walked away. And I look, I look at that now Oh, man, she gave a cry for help. I gave a screen for help. And neither of us got what we needed. And just more hurt feelings. Wow, that that that pattern didn't need to happen. But she didn't know how to listen, because she didn't know I was 10 years into or nine years into being abused and not dealing with it. So how is she supposed to know? Or how is she supposed to show up when I don't let her? So at 26 I realized oh crap. There's a bunch of stuff they didn't do because I didn't let them know because I wouldn't let anybody know. And I felt this weight drop off of me. Because it was resentment and tension and hurt feelings I was carrying that I did to myself. They didn't do that. I'm the one who created these rules for them that they never showed up for but I never told them the rules. So how can you play a game like that? And when

Melissa Bright: 19:03

you're just like blowing my mind left and right.

Jeremy Roadruck: 19:07

I've been in this space for 40 plus years at this point, like I have been helping people for 26 years professionally 27 play. I love this stuff. I really do and to get to the cause not to blame not to put fault, but just take ownership and go well that that was my game. Right? There's rules I didn't tell you about and now you're being held. Judge Jury, executioner but I never told you. So that's not really fair. Yeah. You know, so if I'm gonna yell at my kids, first thing I ask is Hey, did you know you were supposed to? Yes. Okay, now I get to yell at you. Yeah, I'll tell them that. Okay. You knew you knew but you didn't do it. Okay, now I'm gonna yell at you. Right? If you forgot I would have taught you I would have educated but you forgot. Thank you for your honesty. So I'm gonna yell at you. But because you were honest, I'm not going to go much. Yeah, Kim. Seriously, what are you thinking? Like, like let's walk through this. You knew what to do what got in the way. Not why didn't you do it? What got in the way. Right. So I'm going to the language, I'm able to ladder them to start deconstructing their own problems to get to the impact of the desire and the outcome they want. Versus you are bad. Your main, your behavior needs work. You're amazing, your behavior could be better, how your acting could be better. So we're separating identity versus actions, so that they have an intrinsic sense of self worth independent of their outcome. At the same time, they're accountable to their outcomes, because you got to take action.

Melissa Bright: 20:30

Right? Yeah. Holy crap. Okay. I'm trying to form this question in a way. Just throw it. Okay. So you obviously work a lot with men. And I'm assuming it's because you're a man. And that's easy, and you understand men? So then I started thinking, I was like, Okay, well, I know a majority of my listeners are women. And I don't want them to think that I don't want to help them either. Because the men that you help are probably usually, like you said, married with a wife and kids. So there's two people, we're now dealing with two different peoples, the men that might have an issue or thinks he has an issue. But then there's another part to it. And I'm always I'm going to choose, I'm going to give you an example of my relationship, I feel that I have much more trauma than my boyfriend. For short, lost both of my parents, my dad was really hard on me when I was little, so on and so forth. He does the best he can with the shit that I throw at him being usually overreacting. Super Sensitive. I have now worked a lot on this, but I'm not perfect. So my question to you is, what if people like they're on two different journeys? Or they're not in the same places of understanding and awareness? That's not really applicable, like to my relationship but

Jeremy Roadruck: 22:02

but it is. Because even even I'm overly sensitive what according to who what standard? What is overly sensitive, right, you are sensitive. Oh, okay. This matters to you more than it matters to me. Awesome. Tell me more about that. Like like help me understand where you're at? What are you feeling? How is this processing to you? Because the more I can understand what you're feeling and that's for feminine I separate masculine feminine polarity because women can give their masculine men can be in their feminine, those those polarities will drive certain things and there's a there's a scarcity operating, and there's an abundance. And when you see people in scarcity, they run they run their instincts, and it's all about personal safety. Feminine in scarcity, feminine always is loyal to her feelings. First, not her thoughts. Masculine is loyal to his feelings first, not his or her thoughts first, not his feelings. So what that ends up in conflict is feminine, doesn't feel safe. There's a tiger in the car masculine, you need to come and save me from the tiger. Problem is sometimes the feminine created the tiger in the first place. So she created her own upset or this meant something to her more than it did to him. And then he didn't, he didn't follow through on the new forgot about that she tested and he failed the test. Now she's mad, he doesn't love me. He doesn't care about me. I'm not a priority for him. And he's like thinking about baseball. Like he wasn't even in the same planet at the time.

Melissa Bright: 23:24

Right? Right.

Jeremy Roadruck: 23:27

So sorry, so. So they're not on the same planet. And she's all in this in these feelings. And there's a tiger and she feels all the fields. It's like, toilet seat, she falls in the toilet seat. And she's always thought it for a feminine person or a person running in feminine because men can do this just as much as women. When they're in that polarity, that feeling of betrayal thoughtlessness every other memory of their whole entire life where they ever felt those same feelings are all brought forward in their consciousness and they're feeling all those feelings all at once. So it's not an overreaction. It's everything in your life that you've ever felt the same way and it's not resolved all of it's now in your heart and you're feeling all of it and then you lightning rod into your protector your provider the masculine polarity you lightning right into them and you bastard How dare you and then you unload on them. But it wasn't it wasn't what he did. It's what what was done and how what it meant and how it was received. Technically of ours received first and then what it meant second, yep, versus the masculine is go and problem solver. Right? You kill the thing. Just put this one seat down before you go boop. Like it's not that complicated. Right? But feminine is like I shouldn't have to you should be thoughtful enough. You should be considerate enough to put the seat down. What I do is I teach my kids daughter and Sons every time you walk past the bathroom, the doors open, check the toilet, see if it's down, put it down. If it's not down, put it down if it's down awesome. And we just have a basic discipline. So that's just a non event in our life. Because like when you're done with your business, clean the seat, you know, take some toilet paper, clean this seat, put it back down. So it's just pretty to go make the mess, clean the mess, you have the power to affect change, let's go a different strategy. Yeah. So just the idea of the question, well, I'm overreacting. According to who you have some energy at a higher amplitude than I do. Cool. That's an opportunity to be curious and to show up, versus to judge versus to separate, because feminine is about connection masculine is about clarity. It's about plans about process. And so you know, I want to connect with you, but I'm mad at you. So I can't connect with you and a guy will connect with you and still be mad. Or he'll, he'll go to if he's if he's really, really mad, he'll go to the cave isolate, and don't follow them. That's not a bid for connection feminine. Who isolates is a bid for connection, masculine isolates, it's going in the cave, because I don't want to hurt you. Like when guys get pierced, and we throw shit. That's actually a masculine de escalation, I'm holding a weapon and bigger than you, I'm stronger than you and I have a weapon. And I am now going to throw it away from you or me, I'm going to put all of my energy into this thing, and then I'm going to get rid of it. I made myself weaker in front of you to protect you. And then we get shamed for it. Because Oh, you're behaving like a child. Fish, I could have fucking killed you. And I didn't. Like the masculine side of us is like this raging monster of like, and it's not that we're mad at you. We are in. I don't know how to solve this problem. I don't know how to resolve this. And the energy goes but doesn't have a place to go. So we express the energy. It's how we begin to unlock and start moving and thinking. And if we can't fully get to that, we'll go to the cave, because we need to recharge and we need to figure this out. We will come back. We just got to figure it out. But for feminine when you feel that he left me he doesn't love me. He disconnected from me. No, he's in his masculine. And he's trying to get himself back to a resourceful place. Now if he's smart, he'll say, Babe, look, I love you. I can't talk to you right now. I'm gonna say something stupid. That's not true. It's something I feel but it's not real. Yeah. So I'm gonna go over there for 10 minutes for half an hour, I will be back. Yeah. And then if you can allow him that space, he'll go and do that, then he'll come back. And you guys can actually have a productive conversation. But sorry, thank you for giving me and then if he's smart, he comes back. They'll say thank you for giving me the time. And thank you for the trust. Now, I've had some time to think this is what was going on. I had these thoughts. But I had these feelings. I didn't want to take those actions helped me understand more of this and this. And then let's get this going. I'd love to I'd love to work with you. You're amazing. And I cannot be with you. So can we figure this out do better. Yeah, you'll get a better ritual out of it. But it requires trust on both sides. But if you don't understand the polarities, then we're making each other wrong for men are not caring women. And women are not more emotionally self indulgent, pleasing, smaller men. Like that's not masculine is a unique entity, feminist, a unique entity, and we will respect those polarities. And admire them, we get amazing things out of our partners. My wife is allowed to be passed and she's allowed to rake we were running, and her feet hurt. And we need better shoes. And I got this whole litany while we were on a 45 minute run that turned into a 35 minute run a 10 minute walk for her. And then I she told me usually won't talk to me anymore. So she kicked me into the cave, because she needed to go in the gate because she was willing to do her masculine. So she sent me away and go go run. And I came and I came back to her in the last minute. And we did the last minute together, which made her feel connected again and got her back into her feminine. And then we're taking a shower, and I feel like such a bad wife. And I'm this Nothing honey, you gave me your truth. You gave me what was honest. And that's the only two rules in our marriage. Be honest. Is the other friendzone you're amazing. Yeah. So you're not allowed to make yourself wrong, because I'm not making you Well, I'm appreciating this. Really? Yeah, we've been together nine years. But it's like, yeah, you're fantastic. Like, like, the judgments not necessarily bad. Yeah.

Melissa Bright: 28:47

See, for for our relationship. He is very like he does not come down on me in terms of, You're too sensitive. You're this you act like this, he does not do that he doesn't get angry. He like, I get angry. He does not get angry. He is very level headed. But I will overstep my boundaries and have 1000 times when he asked me, I need you to walk away. And I won't, I will just keep on and keep on and keep on because I want it solved right then and I needed to make up and we need to be great. And he's like, you have already pissed me off. I don't want to make up right now. And I've gotten better. I'm like Melissa, he is stating his boundary and you overstep it every single time because you just want the solution and the resolution and all go hunky dory, right? The second and that's not fair for him. And I do it every there are very few times I have not done it. And I'm like,

Jeremy Roadruck: 29:45

but now you have no awareness of the pattern. And you have choice, right? The goal is as we increase awareness, increased choice because then you realize as you're there you're like, but I want to you know what you asked me for space. 10 minutes is 10 minutes. Good. Do you need more? Just put a parameter on on it, because that gives you a container in your feminine, that gives you a container to feel safe. He said 10 minutes, I can trust 10 minutes. He said 30 minutes, I can trust 30 minutes. You can't trust eventually, at some point, some unknowable future your feminine there's nothing for the restaurant you can't like, I can't sit down on that. That there's just not enough. I just I need just just.

Melissa Bright: 30:25

Yeah, just a little bit more.

Jeremy Roadruck: 30:27

And it's like because feminine always wants more feminine, anything to give becomes bigger always. You give her any craft, it gives you a shitstorm like guys getting together here. Like, please feed her good stuff, because then she'll give you more good stuff. Yeah. So it's just recognize that pattern. Cool. So when I give her that certainty, and I give her space to trust, and then I follow through on the thing, it builds her trust in me, and it builds our dynamic, and it's more of an investment in the emotional bank account. So when things get difficult, it's easier to hedge on the positive. Wait a minute, he said that one time, 10 minutes? And then he did. And he's asking me for 30 I can trust for 3031 I'm gonna be pissed but 30 I could give him right. Okay, because now we can negotiate clear boundaries out of mutual respect and admiration. Because if you know, if you understood after the fact, what that time gave him, and how it would allow him to show up for you more powerfully, you'd give him all the time in the world. Yeah, but it's hard to do that in the moment because your feelings are so big. Yeah. And you're like, I'm gonna burn it all down, we got burned further, whatever. You know, like, when I work with couples, we talk about divorce. I'm like, Cool, we can talk divorce, Let's divorce the past. And they can do beginning. Because the past brought you to where you are. Now you don't like it doesn't mean you have to divorce the person in front of you. You can love them. We can divorce past behavior, we can divorce past things. Because it's not about who is right. It's about what's right for both of you to feel loved and admired. And the magic in a marriage or a relationship. Love and Respect is not enough. Those are like basics. It's admiration. Because when you admire your partner, and you think the world of them, and you want to tell other people about them, and they want to do the same for you, when you're both admiring each other, you're staying in a place of abundance and abundance is such a different animal than scarcity. A lot of my work I talk about and give examples of abundance, because it's such a cool place. And most people don't talk about it, because they're not there. I know tons of coaches that are single. And like they're gonna do all this stuff, but they don't have a healthy relationship of their own. And like I have friends that are like struggling with anxiety, but they're gonna go coach people anxiety. I'm like, No, you need to get you need to get to the other side of that story first. Yeah. Otherwise, you don't know where you're taking people or you can take someone down the path that gets their their stuff gets bigger.

Melissa Bright: 32:45

Yeah. That's a good point.

Jeremy Roadruck: 32:47

You don't know what you're looking for? Yeah. Right. It's I've never been to Abu Dhabi. So pay me $10,000. I'll take you to Abu Dhabi, like no.

Melissa Bright: 32:56

Yeah, that's a very good point. Okay, before we go any further, I really want you to explain this feminine and masculine energy, because I'm seeing it more and more. And I don't know about it. And I get really excited to learn about new stuff.

Jeremy Roadruck: 33:15

So So think of my frames come from, like starting with a Dallas and the idea of Yin and Yang and positive energy and negative energy of light and dark. Right? You need the interplay of two polarities to create an energetic flow. Okay, right, because you gotta have like, like a battery has a north in the sound that has a really negative, right, hot and cold. We need these these references, because if all we have is hot and nothing else, then there's that that doesn't exist. Yeah. Right. Like, Free Will versus fate. It's one or the other. It can't be both because they preclude each other. Because if it's all fake, then we have no free will. And if it's all free willed and fake doesn't matter. Yeah. I mean, yeah, they're the two exclusionary systems and with the way they think and operate, so when it comes to polarity, look at nature, look at animals look at like gorillas, you've got the big alpha, the the big, the big gorilla of the silverback. And you see the energy that he contains, then you see the feminine gorilla and what she contains, and you look at that, and so you look at animals is where you'll see the polarity that most pronounced. The thing with human beings is because we're self aware, our polarity is more complicated, because we can operate in either one. Okay, as a natural state or as a defense mechanism. Right. So there's a when I ran the martial arts school I had I saw this most beautifully. There was a young lady five years old, and she's a little tiny person, and her dad is a powerlifter and he's like, our 200 He's like 6364 and she comes up to about his knee. And, and people look at masculine they see the big power the four worse than muscles, the dynamic the strength, and they think that's real power. But when we would tell her she did a good job, we would give her a high five, and then she would do a pyramid. And I watched the 600, you know, or the six foot, six foot three inch tall, 280 pound man melt. And I saw his heart open. And he just kind of like softball a person, seeing his little tiny daughter and just her being in her natural expression of feminine, she's just flowing, and she's open and she's receiving and she's playing. And she's just she's dancing. And she's just the energy is vital and alive, masculine gets a lot close off. So he's a triangle as the example for masculine delete, delete the distractions, usually what I'll do for people, if you just take the base of your wrists and put it next to your eyes, and then dial into your fingers or an inch apart. Now look around the room, look around, look around the room, that's masculine, we delete, we distort, we just we dial in the feminine, everything opens up so feminine. Everything goes everywhere, all at the same time. There's no such thing for feminine, there's no such thing as focus. There's only awareness because it goes in all directions. Right? Have you ever walked through your room? And you've had your pillows talk to you? Because they're not in the right place?

Melissa Bright: 36:14

Yeah, probably. Yeah.

Jeremy Roadruck: 36:16

Like, like, you're you have to tidy you have to organize, you have to clean because the environment is yelling at you. It's the environment is loud. Yeah, even there's no sound, it's just, everything's not settled. And this needs to be adjusted. And this needs to be moved. That's the feminine pattern. Guys do it with their tools, right? We deal with our tools and tools got to be put the right place. But we don't do that in our social environment. And because it's not, it's not connected to our task. It's not dialed in the same way. So masculine deletes and dials in this is why women, women who are feminine in their core, but they work in a masculine environment where it's a lot of high stress HYDrive, they get exhausted, because they're living in their masculine and they're disconnected from their feminine. So they come home and do something that makes them feel kind of girly, and flowy and put on something like silicone, Lacy and relaxed for themselves, not for anybody else. But it gets them back to their feminine core. And all of a sudden, they don't feel so tense, they don't feel so stressed. They don't feel so depleted, because they've gotten back into their feminine. For masculine, we have work mode. And then we have home mode, there's no reconnect to source, there's tasks, tasks, tasks, or there's nothing. And when we're doing nothing, we're literally like just dicking around doing nothing. We're not taking anything, we're just puttering around. Like that's just open space, and there's nothing going on. It's not we're in a different mode where there's just no modes. So for Maska it's a lot more like boxes, it's a lot more sequential, feminine, everything connects, everything always connects feminine, never gets bored, masculine can get bored, because boredom is whatever choices are available in front of me are unworthy of my time and energy. Because masculine we have limited energy, we have to do stuff that we have to recharge our batteries. Like we can work really, really hard. But then we have to rest because testosterone isn't built while we rest. Feminine doesn't have that saying I need to do and then I need to recover feminine can move between lots of different things and some stuff will be depleting and some stuff will be energizing, but just keeps moving, moving, moving. And there's never get it all done. There's never done there's always tweaked once once you get your house clean, but then all but I didn't work out today all but I got a meal plan and all but I haven't talked to my sister or my mom or my girlfriend or I have, there's always an opening that happened. There's never an empty space and masculine that's what we do. And that's why when masculine feminine come together, we help feminine, get to that empty space and just be and feminine gets us to open up and experience and appreciate and like oh, there's flavor. There's colors and their sights and sounds and things you could touch and taste and wow, there's like this whole world because masculine will just work until we're dead. Yeah, and not think anything of it. And not know that we're missing anything because masculine just deletes and, like I don't wake up in the morning if he's in as my friend Oh man, I'm so over. And then he'll just go through the rest of his day. And at the end of the day, he's like God, I'm really really tired. For a feminine person. If they wake up sore and tired they feel that all day long. It never goes away. It's just there as they're doing a bunch of other stuff now women can pop into their masculine delete that stuff to get stuff done. That's why this polarity you masculine feminine polarity is separate from whether your body has a poky in part or bokeo part. Yeah, humans are just more complicated than polarities, unfortunately. Right. And then you get into there's you have a natural whatever your core polarity is okay, but then we also have filters we can put on top of that. Let's say you're a feminine person, but you were raised by a single dad who's very hard driving in business and the only way to connect your dad is to be like him, she's going to call a masculine mask. And then I have a masculine man who is raised dad leaves or dies, but he's raised by mom and four or five sisters. So he knows exactly what not to be as a masculine person, but he doesn't know what to be. And then so he's wearing a feminine mask and then he masculine core feminine mask, Mary's feminine color masculine, Mexican, everything is amazing. It's wonderful. And you're like nobody I've ever dated before. But as they get comfortable with each other, they begin to revert to their natural polarities where they've never lived before. And now their marriage is in conflict, because she wants to be more soft, and she wants to be more fluid instead of being that hard driven. And he's like, you changed. But he also feels the need sometimes to put his foot down and to drive draw some solid boundaries. And he doesn't know how to do that without getting real emotional about it, because he never learned to regulate his clarity and speak to what he actually wants. So they're both in turmoil, not because they don't love each other, not because they don't respect each other. But because their polarities are mismatched, because they're dropping the masks to get to really don't know how to do that, because they never had a model for that. That's a real client situation. And I've worked with a husband. Well, we've resolved it in like three or four months. And they now have a new son, two daughters, but they now have a son. Yes, the five business is now picking up to take the place of his main business. And life is amazing, because he's able to own their polarity. As he's getting more solid in his masculine she because she's feminine her core, she's more adaptable than he is it was easier for her to move into her feminine as long as he's taking the masculine. So their polarities were able to shift, and they were able to find a new way of marriage to being married to each other, right, because they both got to who they really were more and more and more. And then you know, the work I did with him, we resolved his wounds with the Father. He had some stuff with his uncle's brother of his as well. But we got those ones involved. So now he's able to just own and not have a resentment or a fear of the masculine. So now he can fully embody who and what he is without the judgment without the resistance.

Melissa Bright: 41:46

Holy crap, it's fun. I don't get I don't even know what to say, I got to understand all this stuff more, and I will. But so. So my question would be to you first. If you start with a client, where do you usually start? And why is that your starting point? I think I know what you're going to say. But then if you say what your I think you're going to say that I'm going to ask you a follow up question because you are the first person in terms of a male talking about the feminine and masculine energy in terms that I've really paid attention to. And so now I'm like, this is sparking my interest. I want to understand this. So where do you start with them?

Jeremy Roadruck: 42:27

So call it one second. Sorry, my wife's phone went off. So so the first thing is I always do what's called a roadmap call. And it's it basically is a pattern because overwhelm Oh, anxiety or anxiousness, D disrespectful behavior, and always starts with a rejection. And so when we do a roadmap call, I'm dealing with a guy who is feeling overwhelmed, overloaded, he's feeling at the effect, he's feeling powerless. So first step is number one question why me? Because I want to know, what is he? What's his frame of reference? So why me why now? And then the second question is what's going on? Because I want to get into what what is the complexity he's dealing with? And we all get some sort of an answer. And then we'll we'll go deeper. I have six areas I asked about physically what's going on with your health and how you're living in your energy level. Mentally, what are you thinking on a regular basis? Emotionally? What are you feeling on a regular basis? And then spiritually, where is yours connection to something greater than you life, purpose, life, mission? divinity, like, like, however, you however, you describe your spiritual life? Yeah, what's going on financially? You know, what's your cash flow? What's your bank situation? And then what's going on in your relationships, personally, professionally, intimately and intimate wife, but also intimate children? What's going on with your parents? Are they alive? Are they not? So I want to get an understanding of where this guy is? And what what really? Where's his gravity? What's the story? He's telling me? Because that's kind of where his priorities are. That's the first step. Because I gotta get it. I got an idea. Just this guy, like, what's going on? Where are you at? What's going on? And I don't get a lot of why's that I go into to what what happened? Tell me more about this. And we're gonna document all that. Then the next step is we go into what do you think the roadblocks are? Right, what do you think is limiting you? What do you think is containing you or constraining you? And then the third step is what do you actually want? Like, if you had a magic wand, you can have it all your way? What would you want? And then he'll tell me, and then the big important question is, and what would that provide you? Or that gives you all that allow for that made possible for you? Yeah. Because now I'm getting to his sense of potential and every human being has something unique inside them to offer the world. So it's like, what is that? Where is that if life was running on all cylinders? How will he be operating? And for a lot of these guys, they've never given themselves permission to ever entertain that question. Because masculine has a way to get to deserves and I don't deserve to have that life so I'm never going to end there. We're going to expand that I'm never going to build that vision up, because it's too painful to not be that guy. So it's, we got to come to that clarity. Okay. And then once we've got that, it's like, okay, every payment back. So this is what you want. And this is what's been stopping you. And this is where you're at now. Okay, if all of this was to change, is this a change now or a change later? And if it's a change, now he's hitting what we call threshold, okay, he's ready to actually make a change. Then we'll book a second call, where we go into a deeper, we build a plan for that. And I walk through the steps and how I do all the things I do. But I'm not going to work with somebody who I can slog a little bit longer. I can put up with this a little bit more. Yeah, okay. It's not my job to tell you, you have to change. Just now you're fully aware of your situation. Okay. Yeah. Because I'm here to help, but I'm not going to help you. Well, you have to be a participant in your own rescue. I'm not going to work with someone who's going to resist me and argue with me and justify, because then you haven't been in pain yet. until you're ready to burn the boats and make a massive change and actually, like, move in a new direction. I'm sorry, I gotta throw you back in the ocean because you need more suffering. Yeah, what you're not gonna know. Because there's no amount of money that will change the situation for you. Because you're not at threshold. It doesn't matter what I charge. Yeah. You're not there yet. And I can tell you, I can say that to a guy. percent integrity and hurts. Yeah, it hurts me to tell him but like, Dude, you're not in enough pain yet. You need to screw more stuff up. No, I don't want that. Okay, I understand you don't want that. But here's what you're telling me. Here's how you're living. Here's where that and if this isn't the change now, then you're not enough. Pena.

Melissa Bright: 46:41

Right? God, that's so true.

Jeremy Roadruck: 46:47

But I don't want to waste anyone's time. We only got one shot in life. So like, Don't wait. Don't waste it.

Melissa Bright: 46:51

Yeah. Yeah. If I could sum that up, it's like, the, I always say this. But like, when you have the breakdown, that's usually when the breakthrough happens. Yeah,

Jeremy Roadruck: 47:04

yeah, the old order has to fall apart. Yeah, write downs, you've got some edifice, some model of the world is built up some brick wall, it's built up. And for something new to come in, there's no room, you have to have space inside for growth. So we got to crack open. In Buddhism, it's called cracking the ego, right, we got to break the ego open, so that there's no space for something new to grow in. This is what we do. If you ever go go join a fighting gym, first thing they're going to do, if it's a if it's a real fighting gym, the first class the first day, you're there, they're going to hurt you.

Melissa Bright: 47:37

Or mentally

Jeremy Roadruck: 47:38

know, physically, they're gonna, they're gonna knock you out, they're going to like put you in a really dangerous situation, they're gonna push you to up, they're gonna break you in some way, shape or form. Because they have to see if you have heart. And they have to see if you have a chin. Because if you have a glass, chin and class job, no one can train you out of that. You have you have a weakness, that's just like, we can't train that out. And if you don't have heart, if you're not going to fight back, if you're not going to push against, if you're going to roll over and take it, you're never going to be a fighter. So get out. They're not going to waste time with you. They're going to find out the first day, do you have what it takes? At the most basic core, we're going to we're going to rip up in your ego and see what you're made of. And if you knuckle down, if you give up if you roll over get out. We're not the place for you. Yeah, yeah. And that leads to a lot of abusive forms of training. And the people who are leading a process aren't necessarily always the most enlightened. Right? They just know if I beat you hard enough, you'll leave it or give up or fight back. Cool. And now I can train you because you're fighting the bat. Yeah. So that can put scars and damage along the way. So it's not a it's contraindicated for full emotional girls.

Melissa Bright: 48:38

But right. Yeah, okay. That makes sense. Okay, so I really want you when we first started talking, you really wanted to talk about you help men. And correct me if I say this wrong. You help men specifically in business, but they might think that money is just the answer to everything. But yes, yeah, but they have came to you. Yeah.

Jeremy Roadruck: 49:10

Yeah. So it's men who lead a business that could be an owner of founder, that could be some level of leadership chain C level or slightly below VP, like, like guys that are kind of they're moving and grooving. And they have more than enough money. And they're at the point, they realize that they don't have enough happiness. They don't have enough joy. They're working so hard. They're so business driven their marriage, the software, and the relationship with their kids is suffering. And they're really worried about their legacy. Right? I was talking about this with a friend of mine last night, and it's like, he was asking me, what's the pillow talk? And it's like, you know, the guy is talking to his wife and it's either I'm losing you and I feel powerless to stop it. Or I'm losing the kids. And everything I say to them, they don't care. They resist they resent they push back. I don't know how to get through to them. I don't know the love is there. But this skill set to reach the kids or to reach the wife, the skill sets not there. And more money he's past the point of more money is the answer. Because it never is. If you have I mean, we've got billionaires getting divorced. Yeah, right, I can already tell you in those dynamics, knowing nothing about their situation, I know three things. The men in those marriages were not present. They were not playful. And they were not powerful with their wives. Because if a man shows up for his wife, present, first, playful second, the power that he will have with her is fun, and joyful and juicy. The minute you start putting expectations and obligations on each other, the passion said obligatory sex is not fun, doing your wifely duty, the expectation you have to do away for duty or for the husband you have to do as you go make the money. But then I get to decide everywhere and how it all gets spent. Because it's my money. And I get to choose, oh, that's not healthy. That's a petulant child. But I make the money. So you have to take care of my house and you have to be available. For me that is also a petulant child like that ownership. That's not fun, playful, sexy ownership, that's expectational ownership. That's the crazy present, creates tension creates friction between the two parties, because it's not an even joyful place to play a plate paced place to play, right? Like for my wife, and I, it's only two rules. Stay out of the friendzone to be honest. And if we're not, if we're if we're if we're in the friendzone it's time to get honest, it's real simple. But hey, what's going on? Yeah, there's, there's, there's the wrong kind of breaks near. Yeah, this is not fun. Friction, this is unpleasant. So what's happening and allows us to, like, circumvent a lot of the passive aggressive withholding all the different dramas that men and women can play with each other. We just jump all of that crap to like, Hey, what's going on? Now it's time to be honest. And I could make a patch, I was a full grown adult, before I met you. I could run a household and I could I could cook for myself and clean for myself. And I can do minor home repair, and I can do all these different things. So I don't need you to be my mom, I don't need you to do all this stuff. For me. I'm fully capable. Thank you. Yeah, that allows us to show up in a much different polarity with each other. Because when you need your partner to do X, Y, and Z that need creates dependency versus want. I mean, we have we did we did a clip on YouTube. Every year on our anniversary, we have a conversation. Do we want to stay married? Yes or no? No, that's not a hell yes, we better fix this. And that happened in 2016. And it was like if we have another year like this, no, not at all. And so we made corrective action. We made new choices, new distinctions, and we love it. Like to her Yeah, it's my favorite thing. She's like, the coolest person. I really appreciate everything and who she is.

Melissa Bright: 52:44

Yeah. Okay. Do the guys come to you? Have they made the realization yet that it's not about the money that's gonna solve the problems? Or do you get to that point?

Jeremy Roadruck: 52:55

Usually, they've already kind of realized, look, I got plenty of money. And that's not fixing anything. Because whether we're miserable, you were miserable. And Dayton, Ohio. were miserable on the beach, or miserable in Fiji. were miserable in Italy. Like, wherever we go. It still feels like I'm in hell with her. Right? Right. There's no amount of change of scenery, you can stop gap that stuff you can stretch it out and make it like not quite so. Yeah, but ultimately, yeah, like, Nah, the money is nice, but damn, I just if I could just get through to her if I could just own her heart. It's like, cool. Let's talk.

Melissa Bright: 53:31

Yeah. Okay. I'm, I'm trying to think of what other do? Do you feel that it's harder for men to own up to their faults or be vulnerable to you? Because that's like saying, I have a problem. And that's kinda like really hard to admit, especially to another man, but I've kind of ran out of frickin solutions.

Jeremy Roadruck: 54:05

Yeah. Usually not with me, but to the world in general. Yes. Okay. So so for guys, in their masculine, we are problem solvers. We are protectors, we are providers. And if we have a gap, if we have an opening, we don't want to reveal that because it can be used against us. Because we're producing the result. And when we commit to producing a result, we take ownership is our plan. That's our process, even if we didn't tell you what it was. But we're going to run this program. And if we don't get to the answer, a lot of times it's rather than seeing Oh, my plan needed to be adjusted. I'm the failure rate we identify with like a lot of guys their net worth is their self worth, and how much money they have is how valuable they are like you I have never heard a woman say that. He's out of my league, and I could never be with him on I have to go make more money or get a nicer car or I have to this or that or the other to be with him. But guys will say that I gotta make more money. I'm not at her level. I gotta I gotta make this I gotta How can I provide for her okay, this I gotta be at her level like guys have this thing about being at a level. And a woman when she decides she wants a man like, that's it. She's like, well, I want him and I deserve him because I'm amazing. Even if they're living in the gutter, even if they're homeless, even if they're living in a car, he's lucky to have me is almost always the feminine attitude. Masculine gets caught up in the I have to deserve I have to earn I have to make this. And that's why you know, that's why we separate because women can sometimes run that pattern of I have to deserve this. Yeah, that's not that's not feminine pattern. That's masculine pattern. Because feminine is I make life you owe me all all of your existence. That masculine doesn't have that entitlement. Feminine does, but you could have guys who are running out in title because they're in their feminine, but they totally jacked and be ripped and all this stuff, but they're running. They're running a feminine pattern in that area of their life.

Melissa Bright: 56:07

Oh my god. Okay. Do you have a book that I can read on this? Frickin feminine and masculine stuff?

Jeremy Roadruck: 56:15

Yeah, not that I have written come check me on Tik Tok. Yeah, I'm doing content there all the time. I'm making people mad. It's really funny. Cool, because I'll say something. And we'll Why did you say women? You should men do that, too. I'm like, Well, yeah, I had somebody go back and forth with me because she was like really trying to hammer on that I should open that I should be more magnanimous. And I'm like, but that doesn't get any attention. If I say stuff that's completely neutral, and totally fair and balance. Nobody pays attention, because that makes sense. And then they ignore it, versus the stuff that makes the mat. So she went back and forth with me and like eight or nine comments, but how many other people saw the churn and made the algorithm push it up? Because sometimes I'll say women do this. And then in the video, I actually say, Well, it's actually your partner. It's in the feminine. Yeah. Like, I'll soften it afterwards. Because I really do it really is the world works best when masculine and feminine are at the highest levels. Yeah. That's when they're both appreciated and loved and respected for who and what they are. That's when everything is amazing. That's what keeps us in abundance. Yep. And abundance is available anytime we choose to notice it. Right? We don't have to have money to be abundant. Because you can give love for free. You can you can smile at people, you can hold doors for people, you can encourage people to costume nothing to be kind. But that's an act of abundance. That's not an act of scarcity. Yeah. So you can choose even if your bank account is zero, you can still choose to be a loving, warm, giving person and light the world up around you. And what's crazy is the more you do that opportunity flows towards you, and money flows towards you. And when you have a brighter attitude, oh, the world seems a brighter place.

Melissa Bright: 57:48

It's like magic.

Jeremy Roadruck: 57:51

You become a company you keep and people want to be around you because you make them feel good. And you make them feel good about themselves. Like it's a beautiful thing.

Melissa Bright: 57:57

Yeah. So you did say that earlier about? Abundance. And I feel like I don't know if it's just like the the path that I'm on that this obviously is a word for me because I just read the power of the subconscious mind and all this stuff. But it is also coming from people's perspective. So coming from a woman that grew up in a poor family, my abundance equals money, right? Usually. So how, how do you explain abundance for people just so they can understand? And maybe they don't just define it by their own definition?

Jeremy Roadruck: 58:40

Like, well, first thing, first thing is if you're sitting down, stand up. Okay? Because there's people that can't do that, okay, don't have legs. Or they have legs, but they're strapped to machines because their legs don't work. Or they're in a hospital. At one point in my life I collapsed alone for I was in the hospital for 11 days did it twice. I got better out because I was only in the hospital six days a second. Yeah, I don't recommend it. It's not a one big fun time.

Melissa Bright: 59:07

You don't gotta tell me my mom, my sorry to be a Debbie Downer. But my mom passed away from COPD and her lungs collapse three times. And I'm done. I'm I'm not that she said it was the most painful thing in her life. Yeah, have that thing.

Jeremy Roadruck: 59:23

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. The collapsing lung is the most painful. It was the weird because I was collapsed. I think 11 days the first time. And I was I was teaching falling safely workshops. I was running kung fu classes. I could do all my normal stuff. But I couldn't talk because then when I did, I went to a coughing fit to like three minutes.

Melissa Bright: 59:39

Okay, since she was hospitalized for her each each time I don't I don't know what any of that means.

Jeremy Roadruck: 59:44

Yeah, no, I was hospitalized. When your lung collapses your lung is basically wet tissue paper saran wrap. That's what the end goal is. It's really really delicate stuff. Okay, and so when you get a hole poked in that bag, every time you exhale, part of the air comes out of your airway because when you loves works, but part of the air stays in your chest. And what's fun about that is, every time you exhale, a little bit of air stays in your chest, it can't get anywhere. Well, eventually your chest fills up with enough air, it pushes your heart over to the edge and your heart can't beat anymore and you die. It's usually the 24 hour process. Holy crap. I found that out on day 11, of 11 days of a collapsed lung because my lung had collapsed about 80%. But the way it folded over it sealed the hole so I didn't die because you're gonna aspirate yourself out and die. So so if you suspect you have a collapsed lung, please go to the hospital, please get an x ray because that's the only way to find out the lungs collapse. They did. They did a bit of an ultrasound to like look for the movement of the pleura, which is the SAC around your lungs. That didn't that's what we did the first day and it was like, oh, no, you're fine. It's moving. And then no turns out I was actually 80% collapsed and my lungs filling with fluid. I got a little bit pneumonia. It's a beautiful thing. Oh, my God. Oh, it's fantastic. But yeah, my doctor was like, if there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I want to be in your foxhole because you just don't stop. Because I like like, it's been a lot of days. And so I finally got hospitalized. Oh, no, it was it was for it was 13 days because I was in the hospital for level it was 13 days with a collapsed lung Mo and I was teaching class I was coughing every 30 seconds. I just had this weird barking seal and the adults in the Kung Fu school were like, Oh, you have whooping cough? Oh, you have they're all trying to diagnose me and it was a blast. I don't know that. It's the worst pain but it's definitely it's a very specific pain for me because it feels like somebody reached up inside my chest and just grabbed me and like, grabbed it inside my lung. It just turned it halfway. And like there's this purple feeling kind of expanding through that sensation and my breathe. I kind of want to wince my eye and turn towards the pain. It was it didn't hurt bad enough to stop me. I mean, I punched harder.

Melissa Bright: 1:01:43

I think what she meant now that you explained all that is the incision because they put a tube in her lungs. Yeah, I think that's what she that's what they

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:01:52

do. I've got I got a permanent scar over here on the side. They suture it in and there's a plastic tube that comes up to get the air out and you got a little box thing was suction. And yeah, the eight days on pain meds and I didn't have a bowel movement. The first bowel movement I had that was pretty impressive because I had like three meals a day for eight days and nothing leaving the tunnel. Oh my god. Then somebody was like, oh, yeah, when you're on a ton of pain meds cuz I was on cycling and morphine and they're like, oh, yeah, then you need to take like a laxative or something to move things through. No one told me that eight days. That was fun.

Melissa Bright: 1:02:26

Orgasm.

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:02:27

Yeah, well, I mean, but there's a part of me. It was an amazing experience. I'm glad I got to have it. I'm still alive. Like, like, it could have been worse that could have like, killed me or I could have blown my bowel out and had to have it respected. Now I poop in a bag the rest of my life. Yeah. Like this is an abundance mindset. Yeah, because it really is that it sucked. But compared to what? How far do we want to go down that rabbit hole. When I was at the hospital, I was on pain meds and I had stopped all the meds for 19 hours. It's five o'clock in the morning, I wake up and it feels like someone's taking a metal poker that's on fire and shoving into my side, I have this pain. I don't know if it is a clot. I don't know if I'm having a heart attack. I don't know if I'm collapsing the other lung. But while that's going on the dude in the room with me behind the curtain, he's coding. So when I'm pressing the button for them to come check on me, they come in to check on him. And they wheeled him out of the room after half an hour but I'm like getting the point I can barely breathe, my vitals are going up because that no one paid any attention to me. And so after about the third or fourth time of like, hey, could somebody come in? Got me some meds pain dropped, I can breathe again. I could relax again. That was a pretty intense pain. Yeah. But again, is it the worst pain I've ever had? I don't know. I'm still young, I think I could find some more pain to go experience.

Melissa Bright: 1:03:37

So say that.

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:03:42

Right. Yeah, think about think about everything we've created as a species on this planet. And it's all through competition. What would happen if 8.3 billion people cooperate with each other and help each other out? Like all the time thinking about how much more we could create and what we could solve in one generation if we really put our hearts and minds into it? Yeah, that's abundance. Yeah. Yeah. Abundance is available anytime. Just take a deep breath, you feel your lung has the capacity to open and close. That's abundance. Yep. Versus your lung losing capacity. Every breath you can breathe a little bit less and breathe a little bit less. That's a downward spiral. Right? So abundance is available if you can move your body. If you can walk, no, it's not at the level you would like maybe but if you're crawling, you're still gonna lap anybody sitting on the couch. All right. So get in motion move. That's really where the exponent the abundance isn't found in static existence. It's found in dynamic action. We're meant to draw we're meant to grew money is meant to flow when you hold on to the money becomes worthless because of inflation because of rising price index because of money has to move. Yep. When you hold on to it, you just kill it. Yeah, money is just a tool.

Melissa Bright: 1:04:52

Yeah, yeah, I will totally Oh my god. I haven't even told my audience this yet. But I was doing a money mindset, 30 days of it, because I have money, stories and money, whatever, from not growing up with money. And I realized I really needed to change that if I was going to be successful. And this has nothing to do with my business, this is just, well, I think I just manifested it. But within the last month, I've made over $4,500. And that's not even like business related. It's just miracles that literally have happened. And I'm like, I no longer say like, this was just random. It is not random. Like I had a number in my head, it was not that number. But that's freakin amazing.

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:05:40

It is the the, if you're open to what's available, there's a lot more available than you realize. Right? If the universe because the idea, the idea that's given somewhere, it's better to give than receive that's unbalanced. Because everyone's trying to give and no one's trying to receive there's nowhere for the giving to go. Exactly. You have to learn to receive. Yep. Right? Even even think about do we talk about limiting beliefs. Right? Most people are raised, don't talk to strangers. And then we're also told don't take money from friends. Yeah, right. But think about what those two beliefs set up in your mind. Because beliefs continue until they're on thought. So let's think back for a second. If you have the idea, don't take money from your friends. You ever done something for a friend, you do a favor and you do a favor and you do a favor, and then you ask them for help. And they're not available to give you the help that you know they're available. So they're kind of lying to you, does it make you feel good, or just make you feel kind of pissed, pissed. But if you have a friend, you do a favor for them, and they give you like 10 bucks, or they buy you lunch, and then you do a favor for them. And they like you know, get you a gift card or send you something nice. And then you do a favor for a friend and they do this other nice thing for you, then when you ask them for a favor, and they just don't have time or they don't want to make the time doesn't hurt as much. No, there's a balance there. So just simplify it and just let them pay you for the whatever it is you did and you say thank you and you move on whatever they use $100 $1,000 $10 Just the fact they paid you at all cool. I can take money from friends. Of course, it's just a simpler way to exchange value and no attachments. Yeah, don't take don't talk to strangers. A lot of people go into business, and I'm gonna take money from you and I'm talking to you. So you're not a stranger, but not a friend. So in your brain, your brain goes What are you you're not a friend, and you're not a stranger. So what's left? Enemy, huh? So now I'm taking money from an enemy. And I wonder why I'm resistant to taking taking taking money not receiving money, not accepting money taking money from a stranger? No, from an enemy. Oh, with strangers have everything I need. And when I was a kid, I was told not to talk to strangers, because my ability to evaluate a goodness of a person wasn't so good. That was an adult. Really? Are they a stranger? Are they just a friend I haven't met yet. Yeah, oh, and then I can take money from my friends, I can receive money from my friends. Oh, all of a sudden, those beliefs start to get softer. And strangers have everything you want. Right and more stranger has the money you want. They want to pay you for your time and your energy and your service, your expertise. So it would be rude to refuse it, you should just accept it and say thank you. Yeah, yeah. So we can rework those beliefs really, really quickly. It doesn't take years of therapy and doesn't take 30 days one good conversation, we can remap a belief, like and just move on. Uninstall that, put a new one that's better put that in place and then forward. Yeah. But the joys of being a therapist and understanding how the unconscious mind works. It's like, that's really cool. Your kids are having trouble sleeping, cool. Just put them into a hypnotic induction, start talking slower and slower and breathe a little deeper. And as you're talking to them, You slow yourself down, they begin to slow down with you, it only takes about 30 seconds.

Melissa Bright: 1:08:47

And then guys, me right now Damn it.

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:08:50

But after a minute, your kids are asleep. Like, instead, what most people do is they get worked up and it's time for you to go sleep and you need to shut down and you're getting more tense, you're breathing higher in your chest, and your anxiety and your energy. And now they're modeling view, because they're going to they're going to mirror your energy and you're spiraling, they're gonna spiral up. So make it go slower. I created a video I have on YouTube to help parents with their kids to sleep because I had a client with a nine year old who was having panic attacks at bedtime. I'm like, that's silly. He's nine, what does he have to be worried about? He's nine, right? And so So I actually recorded a 20 minute incidence of heart activation where they breathe into your heart. But it's a 20 minute clip and I get a message from her like, like, like an hour or two later. And she's like, nine minutes. He was he was stressed out worked out. I played that and nine minutes he was out. I'm like, Cool. That's free on YouTube.

Melissa Bright: 1:09:39

I want to give that to somebody that I know that they lost their brother and he's younger and he's really having a lot of issues.

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:09:47

Yeah.

Melissa Bright: 1:09:49

That's hard. I want to try to send that video maybe the challenge

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:09:53

there. If you can help this. This younger person picked up all the good times and all the memories you have and what lessons you can learn to carry forward so that the siblings memory or brother's memory never dies, that you can share who he was and what he was, and what a great horse, and you can get into a place of appreciation. Because we don't know how long the journey of life is, it could be the next 10 years could be the next 10 breaths, we don't know, right? But if we can get to a place of appreciating what you have, because you can look back on your whole entire life together and look at all those things that actually happened, you can hold on to those. Our daughter was born 13 weeks, or she was born 14 weeks one day early, and spent 13 weeks in the NICU, she was one pound 1.8 ounces, so kind of less than a bottle of water. And for about the first week and a half, we kind of drove ourselves crazy, because well, is she going to talk is she going to this? She got that What about and we were going like 20 3040 years in the future, you know, she didn't get married kids or grandkids? Yeah, drive myself nuts. That was like, Hey, babe, we got to stop. Because this is silly. And let's make an agreement, we're going to control we can control which is our attitude and our focus are going to influence what we can influence, which is each other, we can't control each other, we can influence each other, and we're gonna like all the rest. And when we did that, we flipped the focus instead of looking into the future and what might not happen. We said she's born. And it's now two weeks, let's celebrate what we have with her. And every day that we get with her, we'll celebrate something, we'll find something because we know what we have. And however long that journey goes, we're going to appreciate what we have for what we have, because the future is not guaranteed. And there were two moments where she might not have made it through. But she did. And then she came home and she was on oxygen for eight months. And then we were told she's gonna have asthma or lung disease or this or that because she was on a ventilator and she was on a respirator, all this stuff. She's going to be eight next month. And she has no fear of anything loves to climb high places and loves to run and swim and go full speed. No at no asthma, no lung disease, no limited capacity, because she was the baby who doesn't speak English. And she didn't know what they said. And we don't we don't push her. But we encourage her and we do stuff. We're active as a family. So she's active as a human being and she's amazing. Appreciate every day we've had with her and don't take her for granted. We don't take each other for granted. We appreciate. I wake up in the morning, my wife is alive sitting next to me and she's breathing. She's breathing. She's asleep. I'm like, yes, it's awesome. Right. I've had a lawyer helped me with a legal situation. And I hadn't heard from him for a while. And I was concerned because like we got to deal with stuff. And so it took me a while I finally got a hold of his assistant who's his wife? And she was like, Yeah, unfortunately, he passed away. Oh my gosh, in his sleep. So she woke up next to him dead. Oh, and exactly. I was right there. I'm like, Oh, my God. And I wasn't married at the time I was I wasn't dating. I was just like, I can't even imagine. So now every morning when I wake up and my wife is in bed, and she's breathing. And she's I'm like, we get another day together. Cool. Yeah, I don't take her for granted. I took me 30 years to find her. I'm not. I'm not going to just expect her to X or Y or Z. I'm gonna appreciate. That's an abundance mindset. Yeah. Because when I live in expectation, things get more painful. When I live in obligation, things get more painful, because people don't live up to your obligations for them crazy. They're gonna have their own experience. They're gonna have their own things happen. I get resentful of them for not doing the thing that I wanted them to do that whether I told them or not. It's like, hey, it's cool. Life happens. What can we do to get around this? What can we do to get to our result? It says take it personal.

Melissa Bright: 1:13:21

I was gonna say I feel personally attacked Jeremy. Thanks.

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:13:25

Life happens, right? Life happens while you're making other plans. Yep. Right. There's an old Yiddish video, you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. It's like, like, It's not wrong to have plans, but that there may be adventures that show up along the way that you can appreciate it and you can enjoy the little side quests that happen. Cool, I'm gonna grow and expand because I I tell all my clients, any goal you set any, any plan you make anything you want to plant a flag into, just add a phrase at the end for me, please. And it's this dot, dot, dot. And enjoy the process. Because if you commit to enjoying the process before you even get started, you'll give yourself permission to not be such a stick in the mud and get your head in your your head of grass and be such a dick about everything. You're just like, I'm gonna enjoy the process. I didn't expect that but I can enjoy this. Okay. And now I can explore and now I can I can have fun with this and not take it so to heart and be so like, like, we're all dead men walking, right? We're all waiting for waiting to happen. Yeah, so make peace with that now and then you can enjoy everything else because none of us got a lot. Yep. So I have that my kids have been hearing me say that their whole lives. Yeah, kid. You only get one shot at childhood. You only get 18 years to be a kid. Don't be in a hurry. Yeah, because you will never get a chance to do it again. Yep. So enjoy. There's certain things once you ring that bell there's no company back. Yeah. So boyfriend, girlfriend you got time. I'll teach you or give you a frame of reference. I'll give you books to read. I'll give you all All sorts of sources, you'll have a great life. There's no need to stress about that. That's an abundance mindset.

Melissa Bright: 1:15:05

Yep. Yeah, so very true.

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:15:08

So you asked me earlier about the polarity stuff. What I would tell you is I don't have a specific book on it. What I would say is there's a series of authors that have some great context around. It would start with Allison Armstrong. Okay. Everything she's got, and the one caveat I give to everything Allison does is she says men and women, I would say, masculine polarity, feminine polarity. So just hear it that way. And then it's easier because some of the stuff she talks about are more cultural programs. If you say women do this, and then do this, that's more cultural stuff, not polarity stuff. But if you just pull it back to listening for what she's saying, as examples of the polarity, okay, that men can behave like this women can behave like this minute, but you know, 80 90% of the people run Manor run ret men run mostly masculine patterns, women run mostly feminine patterns. Sure. So if you just kind of correlate that or get a different result, there's a guy named David data. His the number one book I would recommend is a book called Way of the Superior Man. He's got some other stuff that some people take issue with. I haven't read his whole body of knowledge. I've been through pretty much everything else on hands and she's amazing. I love her work and a lot of respect for her. But David died away the Superman solid, some of his other stuff I haven't been through so I can't comment on that. So I'll just caveat that. And then there's another guy if you want to get more into like the Buddhist Taoist stuff, there's a guy named ManTech Shia. And do I spell that man tak ma N T, aka, okay. GSC AIA, okay. And he's got a bunch of books masculine feminine, like like it but it gets into like, Dallas dual cultivation. So it gets into some sexual practices, and it gets into some kinky stuff. So if people are, they're not cool with that, like, like, some of the stuff will be hard to swallow. But if you're open to that, it can be really enlightening and really interesting stuff. But he's got like the multi orgasmic man and also I guess like woman's multi orgasmic couple, he's got like a reflexive reflexology essentials massage. But in all of his works, he does a book specifically for women. And there's a book specifically for men. And all of that, though, he talks about the yin and the yang and how it flows. So these are all kind of these are good reference points. Okay. First, there's a definitive because part of it. Separating polarity from cultural conditioning. Yeah, that takes some work. Because like in Hispanic culture, the concept of machismo and men have to be a certain way. And women have to be a certain way. Like, like understanding some of those cultural frames. That also also impacts the actual natural polarity expression of a person. Sure. And that's why I like to look at the the polarity versus men you should women should, right? Those are arbitrary rules. Yeah. But this polarity, the way testosterone affects the brain, the way testosterone drives through the nervous system tends to do these things to a person's psychology. Estrogen. Progesterone tends to do these things to a person's psychology. And we're seeing that with people who are trans and switching genders. And we're seeing a lot more of how their psychology gets impacted by the neuro chemistry and by cat biochemistry, okay, because we're literally seeing people injecting things to create other patterns. Right? I'm not here to judge that or say it's icky or weird. It's just it's a way of living life. Yeah. And what can we learn from it? What can we appreciate out of the right? Because, you know, people feeling good within their own skin is like massively important. Yeah. If they feel wrong all the time, how can they show up for anybody else and give fully if that part of them feels unstable or unbalanced? Yeah. Right. And then, you know, but there's a lot of people that build a lot more a lot of people don't just evaluate the stuff like, what's good about it? Yeah. Because everyone needs room to breathe. Everyone needs room to exist. Yep.

Melissa Bright: 1:18:59

I totally agree.

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:19:01

So those are some good references. And then I've got a book, it's called your best child ever. Is this game worth winning? And I don't get specifically into the polarities overtly. I talk a lot about this idea of presence and playfulness. And how can you create a game like there's only four variables to creating the game and it's a win win, you feel good, I feel good. Well, there's no fear in a better game. And so I walk through, here's how to build games. And here's how to really make an impact with kids. And what's fun is, as you read it, it works with your partners. It works with boyfriends, girlfriends, it works with your parents, it works in business. Yeah. Because the more you can take down the judgment and turn off the appreciation, the more you can build rapport and influence. These are life gets for you and for others. Yeah, and you're more just open to possibilities. And that's ultimately that's ultimately the game of life is being opened up possibilities know where your boundaries are, because you think of different glasses. Right? We're all short glasses for martini glass. Yeah. That's just for like a Long Island. So you've got these different shapes. Each of us has our own boundaries, our own form of container. Yeah. Cool. Know what your boundaries are on that not make others wrong for not having your boundaries. Well, you're not a Tom Collins glass, you bastard. It's like putting on a martini glass. Different vibe. Cool. Appreciate that. And then, you know, because I have a cross section of a lot of people. And I've got people on the far right people on the far left, and they all go and scream at each other. And I think they're all pretty cool, amazing people, right? Yep. Well, I agree with them. 100%. No,

Melissa Bright: 1:20:32

I don't have to. And that's okay.

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:20:35

Just their perspectives. What's the truth between the two that comes together? It's like, mental health mental illness are a false dichotomy. Because they set up those create potentialities, yeah, I look at mental process on top. And then you got to scale because we can do cognitive behavior. We can do all these different things. But we can also do medication. Yeah. Because, you know, someone says, Well, I'm depressed and it's in my brain chemistry, maybe, maybe you have a predisposition. But maybe you have a life that's reinforced. But maybe you have a belief system that precludes you being happy, or being happy makes you feel guilty. And depression is an easier way, if it makes you feel existentially more congruent than being happy because happy, we're different. And happiness is associated pain and depression is not. So maybe you've got a belief system that drives you in a particular direction. And your neuro chemistry, it may be a leading indicator and your neuro chemistry is driving your your thoughts and feelings. But your neuro chemistry could also be a trailing indicator, you're thinking certain things, which then you start feeling certain things. So here's a simple test, put on a song that makes you late. That's really lifts you up, it pumps you up, put on headphones, jump up and down and put your hands in the air and go whoo hoo for five minutes. And then see how you feel. Yeah, stare into a mirror for five minutes every day with a big smile on your face, looking into your own eyes. Finally, and you look in your own eyes, and do that for five minutes every day. Because that starts to impact your neuro chemistry. Because when you when you activate your face, it actually starts to stimulate muscles, it starts to affect your dopamine, it affects your endorphins, it affects your oxytocin, this big, huge smile for five minutes or no reason. If you testify, like look at yourself and talk a little silly, it starts to change your neuro chemistry. And it cost me zero drugs that cost you near zero, go see a therapist, it's just look in the mirror and smile. There was a study done with people that were clinically depressed and 19 days after they started the study in 19 days, all those depression symptoms went away. Wow. It doesn't cost anything. And it's the time for you to just sit there and smile in the mirror. Just do that. See what exactly, you know, take action and see what you can do. Exactly. And that's that's the brain is plastic neuroplasticity has been proven in the blink of the brain is adjustable and malleable. And what we think about we think about more our thoughts can affect our gene expression, they can affect our physiology, we can worry ourselves sick, well, then why can't we extend ourselves healthy, healthy? If you spent Five out five hours a day thinking about all the misery and pain in the world and in your life? Is that going to lead to a vibrant physiology and a healthy body? No, it's going to drive you into depression. It's going to drive you into ulcers and all kinds of toxic stuff. Well, then what if you just spent five hours a day, even five minutes a day? Imagine yourself covered in golden light with the biggest smile in the world blessing every single person you could possibly think of and imagining them covered and golden light and all good things being given to them as it's given to you and back and forth. If you did that for five minutes a day, five hours a day. What does that do for your health and vitality, your attitude? Yeah, lift it up, as you're envisioning and seeing the kneeling, lifting people up. doesn't cost anything. Why don't we teach this to kids in school? If you stand like a superhero for two minutes, yeah, like a superhero Hands on your hips breed like a superhero and then go take a test, you'll do better on the test. Because when you stand that way, it activates the part of your brain for confidence. Then when you sit down, that neural network has just been lit up. It's still latently lit up as you take the test, you're still running. The chemicals in the neuro chemistry and the brain parts are lit up for confidence. You still take the test, you still are operating in confidence. Awesome results. Why don't we teach our kids? Yep. I mean, there's a guy that created this thing called Power Pose. And he teaches this Yeah, if you go look at ancient Buddhist and ancient Taoist and even ancient Hindu temples, you'll see people standing in these postures, because why? Because those postures embody different energy states and different ways of feeling in our body. Yeah, those back head up nice and tall. It's really hard to be depressed when you're standing up in a certain way. But no, I have a story. I'm depressed. Okay. Well, even though I'm happy, and even though I feel good, I'm really depressed. It's like, okay, well, thank you can I think you can't You're right. I'm not going to argue with you. You're the master of your own inner world.

Melissa Bright: 1:24:48

I'm not. Yeah.

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:24:50

But what if you could feel better and you didn't have to have depression linked into your identity? Right. What if you have moments Where you get depressed? But then you can recover all? Yeah, when I remember this or that I can feel better. Yeah, just a story. Yep. Would it add to your life or not? I don't know. When we're gonna find out. That's all I'm offering is just the idea of the tribe. Yep.

Melissa Bright: 1:25:15

Yeah. I love it. I love it. Jeremy, how can people get in touch with you if they would like to work with you or find out more about your work.

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:25:23

Um, easiest way to get if you want to talk to me the easiest is go to bit.ly/all lowercase talk to Jared. And it'll dump you into my 15 minute roadmap call, just block out some time. That's free. Even if you're not a man who owns a business with married with kids, if you're just a person who would like to talk and get some support, because it might not be appropriate for me to work with you. dollars to doughnuts, I can give you some references, whatever you got going on. Either I have friends that dial in on that, or I have resources, podcast books, resources to like here, go check these out. And usually I'll do that with people who aren't ready to work with me either like like, you seem to be in some more suffering and pain cool here, go check these sources out, they might help support you to get there faster, not causing more pain, but just give you frames of reference to get your result. So there's that I'm literally the only Jeremy Rhodora online. So district with me, you'll find me. There's Jeremy roadog.com. And then I am active right now on tick tock like three to four videos a day. On a news short, like three minutes or less. I've got one I think that's eight. But they're all like 30 seconds to a minute. And they're quick hits, that gives some insight, some positive motivation, some positive thought, and roll with it. So that's that's tick tock at Jeremy Rubrique. Perfect. And that's it. And then I'm most active on Facebook. So I'm usually on there. Jeremy rt.com to buy it again. The only Jeremy we're broke in the world easy to find.

Melissa Bright: 1:26:45

I love it. Yeah. And then on my website, you guys know whenever his episode is live, obviously, it's live. Now if you're hearing this, if you go to his individual episode, you click on his bio, it has everything right there. So you just click on it and it's boom, it's easy. That's why you filled out that guest form Jeremy to make.

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:27:05

I figured you smart.

Melissa Bright: 1:27:07

Yeah. All right. I have one last question for you. And I asked my guests this. Yes. In your own words, what does the bright side of life mean to you?

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:27:19

Appreciate?

Melissa Bright: 1:27:20

Oh, that was the quickest answer I think I've ever gotten.

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:27:25

It's appreciation. That's that's always get out of expectation, get out of obligation, get into appreciation, and everything gets better. Even when it sucks if you can appreciate the fact that it sucks like God, this sucks. It's gonna make a great story later. Because the minute you say that, it's going to make a great story later, you presuppose, I'm going to get through this, and I'm gonna have something good to tell. You set yourself up for future success. And it's a mindset that you can teach. I'm a guy who lived 20 years and anger and scarcity and back against the wall, afraid of everything and angry about everything and didn't know why. Yeah. And now I'm on the other side of more than 20 years living differently. And having done both, it's a whole lot more fun being this guy. Yep. Because it's just it makes it okay for everyone around you to enjoy themselves. If you're enjoying yourself. Everyone else can enjoy themselves, too. Yep. And you open the door. There's just so much more fun for everyone. And just do decide, and just appreciate. This is cool. Oh, okay, cool. I'm going a little too loud for this particular group. Awesome. Well, I appreciate the heads up. Right. They'll take the personal just for this for this audience for this group for this time for this place. Yeah. appreciation is the magic sauce.

Melissa Bright: 1:28:33

It really is. It really is. Oh, my God. Well, thank you, Jeremy, so much for sharing everything that you shared today. You definitely gave me a lot to think about. And I'm gonna go back. And when I edit this, take even more notes because I've already filled like, two pages, I believe. Yes, two pages.

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:28:52

Well, I I've got 40 plus years in personal development, and I've been helping others for almost 30. So how

Melissa Bright: 1:29:00

are you at?

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:29:02

Well, there's a joke, but I'm 12 going on 97. Hadn't had a girlfriend describe me that way to my my teacher, my kung fu teachers while she was like, yes, because there's parts of me, the system I studied martial arts is 1500 years old. So I'm only about 1200 97 I still got some room to grow. But I got a pretty good handle on some things. And my body is 47 as of this recording, okay, but my heart and my mind are in such different places, because it's gone higher, and it's gone deeper. Yeah. And I love I love my 12 year old and that playful engagement, but I also respect my 97 year old, the deeper wisdom and understanding too. So since I was six, I've been in this existential crisis of why are we here? What's our fate and what's our purpose and who can I trust? And the answer was no one I had to figure it out myself. I had to socialize myself. And that was that was a long, slow process. Yeah. And it's been such it's been so worth it. And the one thing I would love my mission in life to be, is to help other people never have to go through everything I did. Yep, let's just jump the ladder and say you guys climb every damn wrong. Let's just jump to the top. Let me let me help you get to faster answers. It's not spiritual bypassing, it's just integration and move forward. Yeah, the idea that you somehow you deserve to be in years of suffering and misery and pain to learn some sort of existential lesson, the stupid. Like, we can learn a whole lot faster than that. And then, because human beings have the ability to teach and communicate, like, let's learn how to, like, move past this stuff, not to bypass it to own it, but at the same time. You know, the ancient Christians used to sit around with whips, and they would beat themselves in their compliment, a compliment, Maxima culpa, and I have to whip myself into a bloody frenzy to learn the lesson. Really? Really, are we still that stupid that we got to flail ourselves to be a flagellate? Really? Can we just like, can we just be like, Oh, damn My bad, and then find better strategies and move forward. But I think that's a much easier way to go and stop doing more damage. That's really the key. If once you're healed, you just want to heal people. You don't want to hurt them anymore.

Melissa Bright: 1:31:13

Amen to that. That's exactly where I'm at. Exactly where I'm at. Awesome. Jeremy, thank you so much.

Jeremy Roadruck: 1:31:22

My pleasure. It's been a joy. Thank you.

Melissa Bright: 1:31:24

Thank you. Thank you for listening to this week's episode of The Bright Side of Life. You guys don't really want to hear me sing. I always sing my words, if you can't tell this episode. Oh, my gosh, I learned so much. I hope you learned so much. You know, I know sometimes that I have stuff on here, I have guests on here with they, they say stuff that you might not be familiar with, or that sounds like nothing you've ever heard of. But I really, really want to encourage you guys to be curious about this stuff for for the example I'm trying to give is about the feminine and masculine energy. This is something that I haven't heard a lot about, but I know it is a thing. And so for me personally, I'm like, Oh my gosh, okay. Now, this is another thing that I want to understand. Because I am always coming from the point when being on this healing journey, and trying to understand what is what is making me operate this way, what are these stories and old beliefs that I am bringing into my current life and the stories that I'm telling myself so all this awareness that we can start gathering is the first step to changing any behaviors or any thought patterns that we don't like about ourselves or that are no longer truthfully serving us. And you guys know, I've talked about in my past, and I've even talked on this episode about a lot of my behaviors are not good for my relationship. And 99.9% of the time, it doesn't even have anything to do with Brandon, my boyfriend, he usually gets the brunt of it. It's it's something in my past, a story that I'm telling myself in that situation just reminded me of it. And that has happened so many times. And I've had to sit and reflect a man like that had to do with shit from my childhood. And so just becoming aware, that's all I want to say is don't just, you know, if you're like this stuff sounds crazy. explore it, become curious, ask these questions. What does it mean, to maybe fully better understand where you are coming from maybe why you operate the way you do? So, so on and so forth. I'm really trying not to say why you operate because in those days that those turns into stories, and that's another thing that was a huge aha moment. I'm like, Oh my God, that's so true. Because I can say, why did this happen? And I can say, Oh, here's the answer. But then once I have that answer, I can form all kinds of judgment about it. And I don't I just want to form have the answer have the information without judgment. So I hope that makes sense. And I really hope you guys enjoyed this episode. As you know, you guys can contact Jeremy his info will be in the show notes, but it's always on the website if you go to the his individual episode at the bright side of life. podcast.com And besides that, I hope you guys have a glorious glorious week. I know that I am just now getting back when this airs. I'm going to be getting back from my birthday camping trip. Okay. And as you guys know if you know anyone that may need to hear Jeremy's story, please please share it with them because we never know if this is the one that puts hope back in their heart.