Shedding the victim mentality. Jason LaChance's story.

Jason LaChance: 0:00

You know that beer that drug that woman that pornography, whatever it is, can quickly jump back to remember this thing it released serotonin, dopamine and all these different things and you will get an escape because that's what you need right now. And it's it's part of that mastery of self that you have to check. Welcome to The Bright Side of Life, a podcast where people share their personal stories of struggles, pain and grief. But through all of that, they are still able to find the joys in life. Hello, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of the bright side of life. I am your host Melissa bright. Today I am talking with Jason live chants. Jason is the host of the amazing podcast called knocking doors down where they have meaningful conversations around mental health and addiction and other challenges in people's lives. But like my podcast has purpose is to help others not feel alone in their struggles and encouraging them to keep moving forward and knocking those doors down. Jason comes from a family history of addiction and he too fell prey to it. So today he's going to share a story of that and how he was able to confront it and start living a more purposeful life. Jason, welcome to the show. I feel like I've been talking to you all day. How are you? Thank you, Melissa. It's it's a pleasure. You're such an awesome person. I'm well, thank you. Yeah, so that's an inside joke, because we were just talking for the last hour. And it was a great conversation. So I'm excited to have another conversation with you. Yeah, you know, unless I mean, just your wonderful honesty, vulnerability. I you know, I hate that we live so far away because I could see sitting out front talking with you and and just you know, catching up. You're my kind of people. I know I freaking all the way over there in California. I'll be I'll be on your side of the coast next week though. I'll be in Montana. Oh, man, what a beautiful state a beautiful state. I can't wait. My brother lives in Missoula. So Wow. I'm seeing people here California. They think like, what's up, dude, and you're right around the corner from Disneyland? No, I live in the part of California that's more like Montana than it is like the OC. All that stuff. Trust me. There's more pickup trucks and chewing tobacco here than there is surfboards. And you know, oh my gosh. That's such a good point, though. Because my I mean, frickin California is so freakin huge. It's like, it can't just be all coast and surfboards. There's gotta be something like, yeah, yeah. As I tell people, I'm two hours away from the surf and two hours away from the snow. That's that's pretty good for me. Perfect. It's like the perfect, perfect blend. Yeah. Okay, let's get into your story. Let's let's talk about it. So I really want to just paint a picture for people because we're obviously talking about some addiction. We're obviously going to talk about mental health but why don't you tell me a little bit of like, what your childhood was like? How you grew up to kind of just give people this overall understanding of Jason the chance to young parents, beautiful people, but you know, emotional maturity was a different thing. And they both came from challenges home with addiction my mom's dad an alcoholic. And my dad's dad both parents addicts in one way shape or form or another primarily looking back it was the sex and love stuff. We've been able to trace a lineage of the low chance men that it was a prominent thing but my grandma was also that way my dad's my dad's mom was prone to taken off at his words farm partner people but this exactly as I said the next swinging deck my grandma was always looking for the next thing to fulfill her so you know I had those two people in my life you know, my mom beautiful lady Mama Bear, but you know wasn't always communicative and my dad an addict, primarily, you know, truck driver fell into crank and some other drugs you know, through his own sexual traumas molested by a man and and a woman and very young age and then being on his own at 14 You know, he just didn't have the tools so my parents loved me but but you know, my dad's addiction often on my mom tried to protect us from it I didn't really understand till my teenage years and then myself sadly similar stuff to my dad I had an incident on less station and then my dad in his using you know, we've been able to reconcile, reconcile exposed me to pornography at a very young age and And sadly in addition to falling into the alcohol that was the thing and substance in it is that stayed in my life the longest. Wow. Yeah. Okay, so I'm going to ask this just because you mentioned it on the other podcast is your dad is now since sober. Is that correct? Correct? Yeah, over 20 years. Okay, so was your guys's addiction overlapping at any point or no? No oddly, you know, people hear you know, alcoholic they think and I tried a good amount of drugs. Fortunately, none of it ever took, you know, cocaine, opioids, stuff like that. I fortunately my brain went no, thank you. Marijuana probably like every other college student and stuff like that. Just didn't hook me. No, mine really didn't start until my later 20s which is a little bit odd. But I think that maturation of the brain 26 also being in a very tumultuous traumatic relationship that there there was a lot of verbal abuse, mental and emotional manipulation, gaslighting physical abuse came in. It was my it became my outlet, my brain went, Okay, this is the thing that can can turn something else on. I know a lot of addicts share. You know, I was wanting to go numb. No, I was the opposite. I was wanting to feel I seem to only be able to enjoy myself. And I in quotes. When I was drinking, and I became more social, I interacted with the neighbors I was, you know, more friendly at better time that concerts or whatever it was, and it just slowly took over my life to a daily habit. Yeah. When did you? Did your dad ever point anything out to you? Like, Hey, son, I noticing this? Or did you have this like, Aha moment of like, oh, I might have a problem. I I know I told myself or acknowledged a problem long before I was willing to do anything about it. My dad was always, you know, there was times where he was, you know, Sunday, you need to talk I don't think I don't think my family really knew that the drinking was a problem until one Christmas, I was up there without my kids. My family lives about four hours away. And the next morning, my brother comes to wake me up and sees it. There's 12 empty beer cans that were consumed long after everybody went to bed. And I did my fair share of the amount that was sitting on the counter from the party the night before. I think that was probably the first clue in that, that something's going on with Jason. We don't know how to talk with them about this. Yeah. But But dad never went, you have a problem, you need to solve it right away. Or anything's just Sunday, you need to talk I'm here. Right? Because because you can't force someone into the acknowledgment of it, you just can't know. And it doesn't help to, to shame them. Because that's, that's almost like what it feels like, it's like, well, that's definitely not going to help me make me feel worse about it. You know, but unfortunately, sometimes people don't know how to say it, like, without shaming you, you know. So it's a, it's a hard thing to like, navigate. It is, you know, we're people we're sensitive, we, you know, we really are men we are whether we want to acknowledge it or not, we are you know, and hopefully we're getting a lot more emotional maturity going on, but I don't think that there was a, you know, I think if my mom had said something like, about when she was filling, but she kind of I think helping my dad through his addiction, I think my mom got a little bit more hard, a little bit more closed off. And she's a beautiful person, she's the kind of person give you the shirt off her back and never expect anything in return. But we've been able to talk about it a little bit, but my dad I can talk openly with I mean, we've reconciled everything. You know, we've had very mature talks about sexuality and pornography and trying to, I think mask the insecurities by you know, like this woman I'm with or whatever, which is such a terrible thing to treat another person as your shiny new toy. So you know, there was just just a lot of that shame spiral that was there. And so it was the perfect excuse to remain a victim and continue to use. Yeah, so I was thinking about this before we before we had this episode earlier this morning and I don't my parents are obviously no longer here. And so when I started having this podcast and talking about openly about childhood traumas and losing my parents and my mom's drug addiction, and so on and so forth, I've never had to be like, Oh my God, are my parents gonna listen to this episode and so on and so forth. Have you ever like had any like, Hey, don't listen to this episode, or just, uh, you know, I'm talking about you on this on this podcast. You know, part of my recovery, I'm a I'm also recovering people pleaser, it's one of my defects of character. I just can't wear the hat for anyone anymore. You know, I can't go into having conversations like you and I'd had or this this, this conversation and just be like, how do I consider this person and their thoughts and their feelings and everything else. I'm just trying to be as genuine and authentic as I can. My dad, I don't think listens. Maybe a couple. He was a little surprised. He quite enjoyed when we talked with Caitlyn Jenner, which I found fascinating that he was really open to try to understand gender dysphoria. And you know, it's good. Walt Whitman, be curious, not judgmental. Right. So that was a really cool conversation to have with my dad, whereas my mom loves Kelly Osbourne other than all the F bombs she dropped. So, you know, but she really enjoyed that. So I think she knows what I've gone through. I just don't think she's ready to ever converse about a lot of this stuff. You know, Yeah, cuz I acknowledge it plenty. My mom and dad did the best they could with the tools that they had. And my mom went above and beyond. So at first, I was a little nervous, like, Oh, I'm going to share this, but But it's my truth. It's my truth, as I know it. And yeah, I can't sit in what everyone else always thinks. And if they want to judge or, you know, that's on them to decide, you know, I'm not gonna listen to anymore. Yeah, it's a good point. Because it also, I feel like where maybe both in both you and I are, and I can't speak for you. But like, I have forgiven my dad for stuff. And just like you said, they were only doing the best they could with what they were going through. Like, I know, my dad had an extremely hard childhood in terms of his dad being really hard on him and his two other boys that he had. So I only, like, I realize it, it's just going and going until we learn like, Oh, this is what it is, there's a name for this, this is why we feel or act or whatever. So if my parents were still alive, I would have this conversation with them. Or I'd like to think I would my dad and I weren't that close. But I would want him to know, Dad, I no longer blame you for like, how I feel. And so that's what I'm trying to, like, I don't want to sit here just bash on him and be like that, like, you know what I'm saying? I do. I do, you know, the, it's part of shedding like we're talking the victim mentality is, you know, we're already survivors, by the time we're created and born, we are just look at the math, how many of those little cells go swimming to that one amazing egg and that all these things happen? Like how could you not believe that, you know, there's a purpose to you. And so, I think embracing that from, from all of it, that, you know, these are the circumstances that we have that can become gifts, and sure we got to navigate them. And it's tough. You know, life is tough, but once you kind of start really working it you know, you can really find pure joy and beauty in this thing and and just those magical moments, especially if you can be in the present what you know, I have struggles with what but I try to do the best I can with with new tools. And so I just again, go back to one of my favorite quotes about Walt Whitman be curious, not judgmental, I try not to judge myself, the circumstances for where I'm at and continue to be curious about what new things will like President what can I continue to grow as a person and hopefully bring you know, to steal yours? You know, the bright side to somebody and I'll just be something that that's, that's good. I was destructive. You know, I was I crashed car, I crashed a car. Granted, I did it on purpose. We want to get into that. You know, I was I was exhausting. The little amount of money I had making sure okay, my kids got food and everything else and everything else went to booze. Yeah, you know, so it was just just take take take take and, you know, I've been able to give now in ways that I don't even realize I know you get messages from people. Thank you for that episode. And you're like, wow, okay, this this stuff is serving a purpose. So I'm grateful for it. I'm a great Before alcoholic I am yeah. Do you feel like okay, so four years four years sober is that right? Whatever you yeah I've had different stabs at it throughout time I'm not four years continuous but really worked in the sobriety it's been about four years I did fall off during the pandemic. And but it was connected it was it's ironically connected to the lack of connectivity. You know, people with with addiction, they think the opposite is sobriety. It's not its connectivity, it's really being able to engage, find a sense of community and all these things and that was lost and I had I left let someone continue to be in my life that was looking for me to fill emptiness and stuff like that I was a very good character player for people. And that it is abusive on both sides. When you when you are when you are people pleasing, you're being abusive to you're playing a part of that process. And that really just screwed me up and fortunately fell off. It was just a night. As I tell I this is this is I don't remember driving to the convenience store to buy the beer. I was sober. But I was on the third one. And I contacted two people, one who's now my sponsor, and the others a beautiful man named Tony Hoffman, who's been a guiding light in my life and, and it was like, You're not working this good enough. Let's let's get on this. So I'm grateful for that. And I'm grateful that you know, my disease wasn't that of pill popping with things like fentanyl out there and all this stuff that, you know, I was able to get back on track. Yeah. I want to go back to something that you said about people pleasers and being abusive on both sides. There is a very interesting thing that I read the other day about people pleasing, and it was like have you ever considered and I don't know if this will be an aha moment for you that you are actually just trying to control and manipulate what other people will think about you. It's all about control. That's exactly what it is. you nail it. You are because if you're sitting there and you're not a you're robbing yourself and that person have any genuine connection, if you're not being your authentic self. Yeah. And if you are people pleasing, you're clearly manipulating so that that person is perception like what an amazing person Wow, there's so this and that and they've got it together. You are just presenting a lie. And presenting that lie because you want something Yep. It could be as simple I want that person to validate me to say something nice to to fund my business venture or whatever you really are. You're just being a lie. It is just that exchange is bull. Yeah. And when I read that I was like holy crap it's totally true you want to control somebody's the way that they see you the way that oh my god she is so nice or oh my god she is so this that or the other like you just said oh, that's a that's a huge eye opener. For people that that are people pleasers. You know take a look at your track record of friendships relationships and how long they last because eventually it all comes out in the wash and the reality of who and what you are you can only sit and hide for so long I don't care how good of an actor you are. Your crap will come out and it will be evident and the exchange of that person that you are being the people pleaser for their true colors will come to the surface too. Yeah, it is it is a total it is an agreed upon manipulation of one another. Hmm, yes. Have you heard a people pleaser is just a parent pleaser. i That's where it started for me. Yeah. That's, that's absolutely where it started. I was good. I figured it out pretty quick, how to navigate and manipulate I just did between the tumultuous stuff in the household. I'm dyslexic. So as a kid, it was okay, I'm gonna fake that I can be able to read stuff I started now having the worst memory. You know, try to memorize what stuff was to be able to be in class to continue to hide because, you know, I didn't want to be called Stupid again. Right? So you know, we learn these survival tactics and it is it's a survival tactic pretty early on. Yeah, you know, oh my gosh, the cute girl that this is what she seems to like okay, I can I can play that and you know, yeah, I can be the edgy guy. I'll show up to fourth grade with a shirt that a band shirt that will get me sent home for the day. See, I'm a rebel. You know, we do we start doing all these things that attention seeking in some way, shape or form. Yep. So Right. So right. I just wanted to like, point that out. Because like, these are the I've heard it, you know, but then the more and more that I was looking into this people pleasing stuff. I was like, Oh my gosh, this shit is crazy. freaking crazy. And it's just a wonderful excuse to stay a victim. Because when you people, please where's your boundaries? Exactly? None. Nowhere. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, not to overshare. But I know that, you know, men, we can use our sexuality to every everybody can to manipulate and I know well, you know, it's sad to say, well, this woman's nice to me. Am I really attracted to her? No, but she wants this for me. So at least if I'm engaging with her in that way, then maybe, maybe I can be fulfilled by making someone else feel special. And like how, how crappy to do, especially in that way. I mean, you know, but it was having no integrity when it came to expressing my sexuality in a physical manner, either. That went out the door a long time ago. Yeah. I gotta figure out how to ask this. Have you talked about your your sex in pornography addiction? A lot? Yes. And you want to delve into? Yeah, I've actually spoken in classrooms about high school classrooms. Oh, shit, well, okay, we're older than high schoolers. So let's go. Let's go. Okay. What did porn give you in terms of like, not the obvious, but like, in terms of being addicted? What were you seeking to fulfill or to avoid or to numb? Or my totally off base with? Nope, you are spot on it, the reaction, we get no different than that than the addict of a substance. You know, it really as or, you know, if you're a sex addict in general, that the you know, that pursuit thereof. And much like, with my drinking where, you know, you know, one was too many and 20 wasn't enough, same kind of thing. You know, I remember instances, my kids go into bed and then putting them to bed three hours later, here I am. It's not that I was necessarily, pleasuring myself, which many people do. But I would be that's, that's the content I was consuming. And it's like, why, what, what the heck, you know, Terry Crews, the actor, he talked about going dark, watching porn until the sun came up, you know, this thing is, it is real. It does numb you, with the work I do at the nonprofit that I work for, we've encountered addicts that primarily helping with the treatment of substance abuse, but that 1920 21 And I'm talking male and female that have gone completely impotent, they do not have a clear cut way on how to engage in that in a healthy relationship at all. And so you know, you're over activating your serotonin, your dopamine and stuff like that. And I had it where, you know, in my, my sobriety from, from alcohol that I just couldn't engage with, with the woman that I actually cared about, and actually liked and actually had feelings, I had so much guilt and shame behind it, because I would have to pay picture some of this imagery to be able to climax to be turned on at all. And that is just such an empty feeling that, you know, I know, a potential relationship ended because of that. It was like, I'm sorry, I've got to deal with this. And this is a journey, I have to go on my own. And it takes a lot to reconcile that because, you know, sexuality is such a innate part of being human. Right. That's a good thing that you brought up that I guess I didn't consider in terms of like, well, obviously, I know how it could affect relationships. But I guess the shame and the guilt that you felt, and the stuff that couldn't happen because of you being over. Would you say over since overseas? Or yeah, yeah, I totally desensitized. Yeah, stimulated desensitized. I mean, you know, that if you want to have a healthy committed relationship, there's no way your partner can fulfill the the orgy that you just watched. It's not going to happen. Yeah, you know, and it's your watch a an action movie. At the end, the actors get up and walk away. But when you watch porn, pornographic material, this is really occurring. This is really going on and it is over fantasized and they know the angles and the setups and whatever scenario and whatever your thing is, that does it for you that day, you know, there's there's no way that that can be fulfilled when you're trying to have a real relationship. You know, maybe with someone that goes through depression you go through depression or anxiety or all these different things and you know, there's so many factors, it's not this thing that you can just turn on here you go. It's it will wear your brain down, it will desensitize you, it will lead you to distancing yourself from your partner if you have one. And it will definitely affect you when it comes to that stuff. Because you will, you know, it can become a very much sexual it can become unfortunately, manipulation tool. Like I said, I used it I had it used against me. And a matter of fact, looking back, I acknowledge people that were going to do that. And I welcomed it. Because I wanted my rush. I wanted my fix. And that's why when people got mad, it's not really an addiction, sex or love or pornography. Bullshit. Bullshit right away. Yes, yes. Yeah, the guy that the guy that goes out on the hunt, or the prowl, looking for the next thing, or the woman that wants to be validated, in whatever way, you know, bullshit, it's not. It absolutely is. Oh, my gosh, so many things I could say, but I'm not going to. But it's come on, it's probably good. Well, this is this is just not even not relationships. But people I have been with before that was just purely sex only Sure. It was like, how am I trying to say this, like, you had to impress them, for them to like, like, you validate you. But what's weird is now like, with my boyfriend, now that I've been with so much longer now an actual serious relationship. It actually means more now than it ever did with just flings, or guys or whatever. And it was like, because this person actually loves me outside the bedroom, and isn't just going to get up and walk out the door. It just it means it means more, you know? And I'm like, oh, that's that's what this feels like. And that's what that feels like in terms of just, you know, essentially using each other. Yeah, yeah. And real intimacy in that way. It there's conversations, there's, there's breaks, there's, there's a there's, there's moments, there's dedication to it to, hey, no matter what, look, we haven't put time aside for that. And we need to it's we need to communicate with each other in that way. Yeah, because it is a healthy part of communicating in your relationship. And, yeah, I think people just build it up. And, you know, the rush isn't there, or whatever it well, here's a real fact, after two years, certain chemicals that are released in your brain, especially for women, they start to dissipate, when it comes to that area, it's why there's more of us, it's how it works, you know, we have these chemical reactions, and we go, this person, you know, they look, they smell, whatever, however it is, all these subconscious things, well, they start to dissipate. So you're gonna have to do the work, right? You want to keep that going, you want to keep showing that validation, especially, you know, I'm a touch person, I know you are, my partner she is and so you know, we make sure to talk about these things and communicate and it's good and healthy. And, and it's not like in the movies, with all the great angles and everything else. In a matter of fact, we make some pretty goofy ass bases. And all these things are there's there's hilarious moments and all these nuances that are really beautiful, if you embrace what is real and get down to who and what you are. And it doesn't mean that it can't be or won't be exciting, or you know, whatever it is. That's part of the exploration of it. Yeah, exactly. And I think that's the biggest picture that I that you have said, we were talking earlier on your podcast about like, not everything is like the movies and, or for like porn, like, it's not going to be that way necessarily, but then we have this idea. If we're watching these movies, or this this show, or this porn, and then it's like, then we get disappointed or if something because we think that this is the way it should be. And I have had to learn that because I have definitely watched shows where I'm like, This is amazing. This is how it should be. And it's like we all Have our shit and different stuff we're addressing in life and in relationships and financial issues and kids and work and everything. It's like, there is no way that it is this perfect like it is on TV or no, nothing has a nice little bow and a button. And again, it doesn't meet. Look, if you have fantasies, communicate those fantasies, maybe there's boundary issues with your partner, maybe that they have the same one. I don't know, guess what, maybe if you go, you know, I want to be the pizza delivery boy. And it's like, yeah, I want you to be the pizza delivery boy. Okay. You know, whatever it is. It's, it's, it's however you choose and want to explore that in a very in a healthy way. Yeah. And it can be and it shouldn't be. And it comes with that emotional maturity of accepting that, you know, yeah, this is not about my fix, right? It's not about my thing. I don't want to be snorted, I don't want to snort somebody else. You know, they're not my drug. They're not my fulfillment. So it's, you know, it's a beautiful thing to share when, if you're struggling and you do the work, but it's gonna take communication and honesty with your partner. Right. As you guys know, I mentioned in a couple of my episodes a few weeks back that I have been struggling with my energy for months now, I started looking for some ways to get back my energy, because I am so busy during my days, and I need the energy and focus to get everything I want to get done, actually done. And I'm sure you guys can totally relate to this. For the last three days, I started taking this little shot, it's called Magic mind in the morning, along with my coffee. And let me tell you, it has been a game changer, not only for my energy, but for my focus as well. I feel way better in in the mornings. Now. In the mornings were such a struggle for me, as I told you guys on that episode, I feel better my mood is better. Thank God for that. They have these adaptogens that helped me relax. Also, what's really cool is they have the lion's mane in the quarter step mushrooms and the shot. And this helps boost your clarity and focus, I have actually been able to finish my to do list in such a shorter amount of time that normally takes me all day, I've gotten so much more done in these last three days than normal, seeing how well it's worked for me, I really want to encourage you guys to try it out as well. If you're having trouble being at 100% Some days, because it has helped me out tremendously. I have a 20% off code to share with you guys. It's bright 20. To use it, you can go to magic mind.co/bright and just enter the code bright 20 at checkout, the best part is is they do have a money back guarantee. And if you get the subscription, it's 40% off my 40% off code only lasts 10 days. So be sure to order ASAP the link is also going to be in the description of this episode. Did you did all this stuff can come out at the same times in terms of you getting sober and you like pornography addiction? Was it just like I'm just going to address it all right now and go through it all or was there one that came before the other? No, it came through the I've had two a sponsors in there. They're beautiful men. The first he really helped me kind of embrace. Going back to the joy of being a child like it was the greatest gift sent me a gift card for Legos. Because he's asked me What are you into what's what's your thing? And I'm like, Well, I love movies and Star Wars and Legos and gi God Why would you say Legos? And he's like, good, you are the type of mind that you and I get every time I build a set my girlfriend like are you okay? Because I am so focused, there is nothing else going on in the world period. So I'm down there, you know, whatever it is recently, I built this huge Formula One cars. I love Nike sports. Yeah, I mean, the thing is, I think it's three feet long. But so he helped me find that joy in the inner child with me again. And through that. You know, I definitely started to I always felt bad about pornography from being a kid I even understood like, I'm a child. I shouldn't be seeing adults in this you know, these scenarios and it wasn't just pornographic magazines or the friend that found the videotape and mom or dad's drawer sock drawer or, you know, it could have been you know, movies there was an abundance of movies you know, me and my brother like, how the did our parents let us watch Caddyshack at like a really young age you know Yeah. seductress in that movie and nude you know and and more He's like that, you know, there just wasn't a filter of, you know, this is censored for you. I mean, I could go on as a kid and grab a Richard Pryor album when I understood what he was talking about at eight. Yeah, Eddie Murphy, same thing. You know, which I love comedy. So the irony of it helped a sense of humor, but it was something I always felt bad about. Yeah, always, always did. And so the working on that didn't really come until my second sponsor came into play. And he was a little more rigorous with the rigorous honesty component. You know, getting honest with yourself, what are you trying to do? And, you know, sharing his truth, too. And being like, yeah, man, dude, I can relate. Here's where it led me and is like, wow, yeah, that's not where I want to go. I don't want to be a single dad forever, that can never truly find a bond and connection with another person, and not looking for them to fulfill me. So it came into play much later. And it took some work. It's just like any other thing to put it down because it you know, you think about, you know, just the internet. I don't know how many times when you're scrolling through whatever social media thing, and all of a sudden, here comes something up. And, you know, for me, my two substances son of a bitch. They're advertised to us. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Here's the beautiful moment. And you know, back in my day, man, you want to see a woman's backside. You know, you had to go go searching for it. Now. Everyone's there in a bikini on the beach. And I've had to unfollow friends that are models, there's like, Yeah, I can't follow you. And I tell them why, you know, I don't want it to be a trigger. And I don't want to think of you in that way. Right. So you know, no different than driving by the big billboard, where it's got the pretty lady in the bikini with the beer. And it's like, here's your happiness. So they really went hand in hand. So for me, it was an aftermath, get get the drinking out of the way, then start to focus on the stuff underneath. Yeah. Wow. So many questions. I'm trying to like, go back to my Brianne Davis episode of like, Kusha best. She's amazing. Love her. I'm like, Okay, I obviously can see how the porn would would affect a relationship. But you to correct me if I'm wrong. You were also just seeking relationships, or partners, just to feel like validated or a, or a fix, per se. Yeah, I mean, I think I think it's kind of the, you know, we all have a duality, right? Like, I wanted to be a responsible man, I wanted to have a healthy relationship, but within that, because there was no examples otherwise, that, you know, this is what, how it should go, you know, a tumultuous, you know, a fiery relationship where you're, you're at each other's throats, and then two hours later, you know, it's wild and steamy. This is how it should go. This is what it should be. This is what fulfillment is, and it's all bull. Now, a real relationships can seem pretty boring. If your relationship seems maybe it's kind of boring, you're in a good place, you know, are like, we could just talk about our problems. I'm in a relationship, we don't yell. We've never yelled we've never called each other names. We've we've never we've never put one another down. Quite the opposite. And and that area of our life is amazing. Yeah, so you know, it definitely was a looking for fulfillment and a drug and, and a validation to have, you know, the next pretty thing on your arm when you're out your buddies. Wow, man, you know, a lot of those insecure child things of, you know, being the kid that was bullied and put down and picked on and, you know, scrawny and everything else. So yeah, as long as it's just been, it's just a grown child walking around. That's all it is. I don't know what else to put it. Yeah. It's so interesting to the inner child stuff. And going back to being a child like this is gonna take a weird right turn. When I love right turns. I'm currently watching a documentary on Netflix because it keeps popping up. It's, I am a killer. And it's everybody, obviously, that they have. They have murdered somebody. And they go through their story of like how they were brought up, and every single one of them is trauma, trauma, trauma and pond trauma. And no way not in any way excusing their behavior. But they when they start talking about their childhood Um, some of them had better childhoods than not, but like their eyes just light up to think of that time like that they were back there and more innocent than we are now and not jaded and hurt and stuff. And it just like, it makes me sad to think about that, because sometimes I'll see me as a little kid. And I'm like, Man, that's when life. This is when I was pretty happy and innocent. I feel like a lot of my stuff happened when I was older, obviously, when I lost my mom. But it's like, yeah, we are just all little kids walking around wanting those, those same things that bring us joy, like Legos, or whatever it is. The inner child is a very interesting thing. Adults, we overcomplicate the hell out of it, dude, really? Do you know the fancy car, the big house, the trophy wife, for the athlete or famous husband or whatever, you know, yada, yada? Yeah, we really do. You know, like, as long as, like, I'm good with me at the end of the day, and the three people within my walls, my significant other and my kids, it's like, life is good. Do I? Do I have a ton of money in the bank? No, we scrape by. We live very, very moderately. But you know what, we're doing a lot better than a lot of other people, you know, right? relatively healthy food all the time. And, you know, it's like, I didn't go to bed with a empty belly. Neither did my kids. And the next morning, we're looking for mud, just so we don't feel so hungry or something. You know, it's kind of you just keep it in perspective. And, you know, gratitude every morning. First thing I try to think about, what am I grateful for? Exactly, exactly in something that like, have you Are you a person that ever needed? Something that I learned with my boyfriend, as we've talked so much about him is chaos was a very big part of my life. I moved 14 times before I even went to high school in terms of schools. So sitting still, no conflict. That's fucking weird to me. Right? He when He the first time he called me on my bullshit, he was like, you just need an argument you just need and I'm like, no, what are you tight? The last thing I want to do is argue. And I don't I don't didn't want to actively argue with him. But it was like, Yeah, peace is foreign to me. That's so weird. Yeah. And we can get in that mode. Like, you know, you and I talked on my podcast of control mechanisms, you know, because it, doesn't it was there a purpose to the argument? How was the argument conducted? Did we throw out things that we, we, we didn't want to shouldn't? And never should say? You know, which then Oh, good. God, we better make amends for that. You know, what, what was the purpose behind it? What was it a discretionary one? Or is it the has simply to and because, you know, you feel that inner chaos? Yeah, we want it to reflect outwards. And so much how we walk through life has to deal with what we're feeling inside about ourselves. That is nobody else's problem to deal with that we have to communicate, we have to get it out. Even as simple as I feel a little chaotic right now. I need a few minutes just to myself. Like, yeah, I'm afraid I can lash out. Or, you know, I'm in a bad mood. I say this often. I've had to say to my kids, you know, was stressed lately, especially my poor poor daughters. You know, I'm not in a good mood. I want to hear what you have to say I'm there for you. But I can't do that right now. Give me a little bit of time, please. Yeah, exactly. It's tough. I know. It is so tough. It. It's tough for me, because Brandon, in so many ways is like just a really good role model and the fact that like, he doesn't have anger issues, he he doesn't, he's he does not react to stuff like, he owns his own painting business. He's got a lot of shit going on all the time in terms of, you know, handling customer's needs and stuff like that. He just doesn't react. He doesn't get freaked out. I do because that was the people pleaser in me. I'm like, is your customer upset? Or they whatever and he's like, No, this is just normal. And I'm going to handle it and and I'm like, I need to see that to be like it is okay. We're just going to figure the figure and the reactor. Yeah. Well, and I think it's important to push our baseline behavior upwards. You know, and I don't think I've ever talked with anyone about this, but just, you know, hey, this was our norm. This was our reactionary norm, but if I start working a little bit different, you continue to do that. Our brains are, they're elastic, we can create new neural pathways. That's how people that, you know, I say I, I've been restored to sanity, you know, which is a big part of 12 steps, people don't like it, what I'll touch on that maybe in a second. But, you know, your baseline behavior moves up to where all of a sudden, you know, you're practicing these things. It's no different than a sport, you know, doing our playing music or whatever, all of a sudden, that becomes your baseline, and you continue to, you can continue to push it up. And you just have to watch that defect because you can quickly the brain can reconnect to the negative. That's how, you know people want to know why relapse? Well, yeah, you know, you got a crazy amount of stress, the significant others lightening up at home or whatever it is that the boss is getting at all these things, they trigger all this negative stimuli. And your brain can quickly go to that substance that action. It'd be, you know, that beer, that drug, that woman, that pornography, whatever it is, can quickly jump back to remember this thing it released serotonin and dopamine and all these different things, and you will get an escape, because that's what you need right now. And it's it's part of that mastery of self that you have to check out. That's ultimately, that's why we have sponsors and people that keep us accountability and programs and coaches like yourself that they can sit and talk to. Yeah, it's so very true. And it all stems back. They people know I talk a lot about this is just awareness, you have to be aware of these patterns, thoughts, beliefs, addictions, whatever it is. So then when it does happen, something triggers you. You know what, like, oh, I can't respond, and the way that I normally do or would like to, and I've, I mean, I know Brandon can say for me that I've definitely changed a lot in that in the way that like I handle situations. There was an instance, I would say, probably a month ago that I was we were both joking with each other. But we were both like, it seemed like we were both serious. And we didn't know the other one was not serious. And I said something with him serious. But it was a joke. And he looked at me and he's like, What the hell did you just say to me, but he was joking. And I thought he was serious. It just brought me back to my dad immediately, and like tears filled my eyes. And I'm like, I just disappointed this person. I just disappointed this person. And I walked away. I didn't say anything to him. And I walked in my room cried for a minute, because I'm like, This is so about my dad, like, something my dad would say to me, like, What the hell did you just say? And I walked out, and I said, so the reason why I left is because that was nothing to do with you. And he was just like, Thank you for telling me. But old Melissa would have reacted quickly and would have yelled and would have. It would have been a whole thing. If it wasn't annoying to the listener. I would I would clap louder. That's awesome. That's so long. Now, what do we beat next now? Next on the stage, Mr. Gray. I do an introspective poem. That is hilarious. I'm proud of you. That's awesome. Thanks. It doesn't always happen that way. But you know, it's it's not 100% In terms of, I think I'm like 70% getting better at like, that's okay. Like, you know, that recognition of its, you know, there's, there's, I don't think there's a finish line, like, I'm gonna always have to check no matter what, and at different times my alcoholism, and maybe that desire to, you know, there's the gal on the big bikini, I'd rather see you renewed what, you know, I gotta stop my brain. It's my brain. Yes, it just is. Yeah, you know, I'm the one that has to know that these things are harmful and uncomfortable, you know, right. Because they cloud my reality they cloud the way that I interpret reality, thus, what becomes my reality? You know, everything is taken place up here. Right and in a world with so much God, how long have we been in disinformation misinformation and, and the chaos of we're not going to get into well, I don't see it as politics. I see it as human rights, but the lockdown and all these different things. It's just, we've got so much like chaos external of us that why add more to what's internal? Yeah, no, I just have no desire anymore. Yeah, I don't. And if and if it's someone that does, you know, I'm sorry, I can't engage with your toxic trait. Right now, with the exception of maybe the serial killer or somebody like that. Generally, people overall are not toxic toxicity is certain traits and if it doesn't jive with me, you know, best tea, I just can't interact with you. I'm Sorry. Yeah. And that's, that's huge for you. That's, that's the boundaries we were talking about. Yeah. Yeah. Which was the hardest thing for me to do, Melissa, that was the hardest thing to establish. Because I think it was my brother. I don't remember who said, you know, you have such a big heart, but you can't love everyone because it's robbed you of so much of loving yourself. And I was like, Oh, crap. He's right. You're right. You know, oh, I know, it was because I went, you know, Hey, bro, you know, hurts my feelings when I when I reach out to you, because my big brother was more of a father figure. I mean, taught me how to drive taught me how to tie my shoes taught me how to ride a bicycle. You know, so many things that he's they're one of the most beautiful people and I'm so fortunate to have him as my sibling. You know, I was like, Hey, bro, you know, hurts my feelings. Maybe when you don't respond to a text or return my call anyway. You know, it was as simple as I love you. Now I'm going to tell you what's going on with my life. And him and my sister in law doing, you know, real estate development. And, you know, I mean, real hands on stuff, you know, we're not talking, you know, volumes of millions and millions of dollars where they're trying to change their life. And he goes, you're one of the few people that I do ever get back to. It's like, Oh, okay. Yeah, you know, sometimes our perspective isn't the reality as it is, and it set in and I was like, wow, you're right. I mean, putting 1214 hour days into this thing, you know, flying around the country making new business partner, you know, and if it takes a week, he didn't forget about me. He's just gonna, when he's got that time etched out, you know, so that was a big lesson for me. And, oh, you're right. You do love me. And guess what? I can do that to people too. Okay. I don't have to reply right away to you when I can. Oh, my gosh, that is so huge. And it was brave of you that you said that. Because maybe, like Melissa would have been like, I don't want to I don't want to offend them, you know, or I don't want to disappoint them and like, make them feel guilty for not getting back to me. But that is how you honestly felt, you know, and I have I have friends that have been mad at me for not getting back to them. And it's like, man, we're all doing different things in our lives all got different schedules all got different age kids, like, instead of just like all of a sudden being guilty, why don't you ask like, Hey, what's up? Because maybe there is shit going on in this person's life instead of just immediately being like, why don't you get back to me? Yeah, but that's huge that you just said that. Oh, thank you. Yeah, we can get so myopic. Can't we just do our own stuff? Yeah. And that's what I'm like, Oh, yeah. It's not all about Melissa. Sometimes we got to get the heck out of our own way. policy we can do, just get out of our own way of thinking. And, you know, somebody else is going through something else, too. You don't know. Exactly. Exactly. And sometimes, like, this is gonna sound really bad. But sometimes I'm happy to hear that there's something going on with somebody else, because I'm so fucking tired of dealing with my own bullshit here that I'm like, Tell me your problems, please. Yeah, maybe this is why I like this podcast so much. Oh, it's great. Because it gives you a relevance back to okay, I'm filling some very normal things. Yeah. You know, I'm not the only one what the challenges. You know, I'm What would life be without challenges anyways, come on. Oh, dude, you know, if the TV dinners didn't want to destroy our innards, and everything else, and that's reflected outward, and whatever, we would just be these over indulging creatures, you know, and I think it's a part of just engaging that self responsibility. And, hey, there, it's all internal stuff, man. It is it is something that I wanted to tell you before. We, I didn't want to forget is that I feel like recovery and addiction and stuff. It's so important that you said that sometimes you'll have to, I don't want to say address it, but just realized that it could it could at any moment be something that you really have to be mindful of and be like, I'm not going to go grab that beer or go turn on the internet or not turn on Do you get what I'm saying? Yeah. Because, you know, for people with addiction, they might think like, Oh, I could just be cured and then it's just finally over and I can wash my hands of it. And for people to say like it is a process it can constant only be a thing I don't want to say constantly but you're open about that. Like, you might still have to check yourself every now and again. And I feel like that just makes you humble and makes other people be like, gives them permission to be like, okay, like, I'm not the only one that's not thinking about going to grab a beer right now or whatever it is, you know, I, for me, the beauty of it was seeing that I'm significant and insignificant all at the same time. You know, I had I was glad you brought this up. So that restored to sanity moment that anyone 12 steps it's in there, you know, you will be restored to sanity. And I had one of those beautiful moments I was. I do a lot of event hosting this one was ring announcing for an MMA event. My thing because people offered me a lot of drinks. Just get me a tonic water with some lime in it. Well, I asked for that. No, they delivered me a vodka tonic lime. I took a big swig. I did swallow. My sponsors like don't worry, you didn't intentionally font but my mind went to automatically it was where's the nearest garbage can? My mind played it out so fast that I could get away with it? Anybody here that does know I'm an alcoholic. They're already kind of drinking anyways, they probably wouldn't notice if I had just this one. And I could probably completely be sober cleaned up. By the time I get home to my kids and my girlfriend and everything. No one would know. But I wouldn't know. Right? And what a lie because one is too many. And 20 is never enough. And I think that's the thing when we get to that point that you know it, you get that sanity back, you start to think about it right, you know, yeah, you know, like, social media, you know, what's this DM? Who's Suzy X and Y, Suzy x in a bikini and like, Hey, I saw your profile, you know, and you could start to fantasize and everything else and see what rabbit hole you can go down. But where's that going to leave me going back to that kid that already felt that same shame, guilt? Everything else? So it's it's playing that out? I mean, literally, this morning, Snapchat, you know, get the direct messages that and it is and there's and there's complete nudity and everything else. You know, whatever the lady was doing to herself, all that block your block. And that's the that's the thing that I have to do. Yeah, it just is. Yeah. It's it's the world that I live in and how I have to maintain me. Yeah. Here should be so proud of yourself. Thanks. I am yeah, yeah, as you should be too. And and everyone that's that's hitting any any of that battles head on? Really? Can we can break cycles, we can break? Really believe it or not generational traumas. True. You shared it, your dad and his siblings were treated, you know, he treated you the way that they were treated and so on. So was I and everything else, you know, so we can it can stop with us. You do have that kind of power. And you don't have to do it alone. Right? You literally do not. You can I guarantee there's people I don't know about you. I get messages. I'll talk with people. Yeah, I absolutely. Will you do that is your work. Exactly. Literally do that for work. You know, it's a part of my work with the nonprofit I work with, you know, there's people out there, you don't have to suffer in silence, whatever it is. Exactly. That's the whole point of this. I just don't want I mean, literally, we get so fixated on the way that we think the world is or should be or something we're missing out on, or whatever it is, wherever almost so real dude. And like, I just want people to know, like, whatever it is that you're feeling or thinking or not feeling adequate enough or whatever, like, we're all feeling that or we're going through something else and it's okay because I have went through all that shit not feeling worthy enough not feeling rich enough. Not feeling accomplished enough not feeling skinny enough. I mean, you name it, I can go down the list, you know? And yeah, cuz then then what's the next thing we pick apart? I've got a buddy that a beautiful woman and Yes, she does professionally make a good amount of her income because of her looks, but she's gorgeous inside. But then again, it's it's like I even said, you know, it was another surgery. It's like, why? You know, your face didn't look need to look any different. Your boobs didn't need to be any bigger. I mean, you're in phenomenal shape, you know that? Like, how much can we continue to pick ourselves apart? Until there's really like nothing to love, like, like how do you know, you know, my girlfriend and I we want to get into better shape but there was So, you know, some moments are put down. It's like, both of us, like, I find that attractive about you. What are you talking about? I think it's one of the gorgeous things about you. And, you know, she'll complain because she's got this beautiful, long curly hair like, Oh, it's so tough to manage. I'm like, it's gorgeous. You know, whatever it is. So, you know, same kind of stuff. Ah, you know, I guess a little bit still, I don't look crazy dyeing my beard still, so I still do it. But when I get to that age where, like, fat dude looks nuts with the dyed hair, and it's dyed facial hair, you know, but it's like, I kind of like when the gray peeks through really big. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. You know, keep that in mind. You know, it's just right. I'm 44. I'm getting older, just is what it is. Welcome to it. You know how life goes. You don't look like you're 44 When you said that. I was like, really? I didn't know that. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. It's just lucky genetics, I guess. You know, I always joked when I was in radio, like people, you're not what I expected you to look like. And I said, I'll give it 15 years. I'll Dick Clark it, you know, also look young. And you know, there you go. Oh, my gosh, there is somebody that you look like and I cannot frickin think of his name. The guy on? It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Not Charlie Day. Oh. You obviously. And I've tried to speak with Intune Why am I drawing a blank? Yeah, it's it's got that great show on Apple TV, too. Yeah, it's called Mythoclast. The Gosh, darn phones coming out. Because all right, Rob mcalary. Thank you. Thank you. Yep. Yep. Yeah. I was like, you were talking. I was like, Oh, my God, you totally looks like him. I think it's the beard. Yeah, I think it's the beard. For sure. Oh, my gosh. Okay. I'm going to ask you a introspective question. If there is one thing what I'm going to say sobriety, recovery, healing journey. What is it the best thing that it's taught you? Faith. You know, I even as a kid, and you know, I didn't grow up in a very religious home or even spiritual and even as a kid that went to Catholic private school and stuff. But you know, the, my sponsor, he's just amazing. Hopefully, he'll watch this. So he knows that sometimes he thinks he's a douche, which he is, at times. But, but in a loving way, exactly, was that when he communicated to me, I was like, you know, I believe there's a higher presence. I think we're all here for a reason. I think we all can find that if we do the work. But I don't know that it loves me. And once he's he communicated and ways like, you know, it's the God you do business with you, he can't tell me you don't feel good. When when you say something nice to your friend, that all of a sudden, you know, you exchange that serotonin, there is an exchange there, when you compliment someone else, you do get something back, whether you realize it or not, right. And all those things are being a service and then I switched it to the God I do business for. And once I start to do that, and kind of find a place that, you know, within myself that I have a good purpose. You know, just maintaining faith, you know, it keep doing the next right thing. Right. And sometimes that stuff oddly just works out when you do that, when you just put the effort towards doing the next right thing. And sometimes the next right thing is making amends verbally. Better yet, behavior wise, is even better, or the both of them, you know, it just seemed to work out. Yeah. And it doesn't fit with a nice little bow and ribbon that you might like, and because you can't box anyone else in because you don't want to be boxed in. So you know, gosh, yeah, faith. Faith helped me start to love myself say nice things to myself. changing behaviors, getting things out that make me feel guilty and shameful. I don't I don't have to carry that anymore. I've literally found another person that knows all of my crap and says the most wonderful, loving kind things to me. Even one of my little bit distant, focused in my Legos. Doing research for work a little too late when I should be in the moment. Yeah, just keep doing the next right Staying in. It seems to work out. I love that. I love that so much and faith that totally like, surprised me, but it's so important. Like, I'm even going through my own stuff right now. And I'm like, what if I just believed that everything will work out? Like, why can I lie? Why do I, everything always has worked out? doubting it. And then you're like, well, this sucks, but then it's like no. And then as soon as you do believe, or have faith or whatever, and kind of stop worrying about it, then it all starts to like flow. And you're like, Yeah, let's to people that because of our traumas, Melissa, like to have our hands on the wheel. My friend, I'm gonna encourage you just, I'm gonna check in with you from now I'm sending you DMS? Are you taking your hand off the wheel today? And throw it back at me? Oh, jeez, I know, once we kind of start to do that, and just, you know, we get presented with options just do do the next right thing that we need to blow up the significant other do we, you know, like you did, where you went, I just commend you so much for that. I'm gonna go out of the room. I'm going to cry this out. I'm going to own my thing. I'm gonna come back out and then we're going to talk about Yeah, it really is. So huge, so huge. Jason, yeah. How can people find out more about your podcasts and all the cool shit that you are doing? Oh, my gosh, there's too many. I'm sorry, people. I'm, I'm a pot. I'm the most busy podcaster that's the least known. You know, knocking doors down, you can find that k d d podcast.com. So many great conversation. I mean, you know, from Charlie Sheen to Kat Von D to Kelly Osbourne, you know, so many wonderful people about their traumas, difficulties, you know, that they've been through struggles. Gosh, there's so many people. I wish I could talk for hours about that. I also work with a beautiful organization that I'm honored called parents of addicts in need pain nonprofit.org. Do you want to find out more about that we do awesome work. We are here in California in the Central Valley, the leading resource. I mean, we work hand in hand with law enforcement, the DEA on this Fentanyl crisis. This thing is taking our young people. You know, you think the numbers were bad and not to downplay anyone lost from COVID. Cuz it's, you know, it happened. It was real. We all probably know someone. Fentanyl is taking it 10 times faster and quicker. And with the way that the drug dealers, the cartel stuffs coming in, it's taken life's first time, you know, experimentation, maybe as we did in our youth, it's not the same. We have many reports of young people the first time they think they're buying a fake Xanax or something. And no, this is it's it's laced with fentanyl or the person mixing it. They don't they're not a chemist. And here it is, they're gone. So, you know, I'm incredibly passionate about that education. Because you know, all those, you know, it's not just the person under the bridge anymore. We're talking about homes with good income and parents that are loving, you know, so if we don't get this out there. I'm just worried. I think it's our biggest crisis facing this country right now, amidst all the confusion that's being thrown at us, and it is. And in addition to that, I still have some fun. I'm a rocker from way back rent when I do a thing called crew cast CR u e, all about motley crew. It's kind of a behind baseball look at motley crew from interviews with people that have worked with them. deep dive in with other fans into song lyrics and all this stuff. It's just when I can have the shits and giggles so to speak, and just enjoy a band. It's meant something to me since I was six years old. So you know, good times. Yeah. Like he does that all in just five minutes and has the rest of the week and he just lays on his couch. Well, I do a financial podcast too. Oh my gosh. So called. If you look up plans, solutions, it's funny. If you look planned up you'll get Planned Parenthood's podcast then my podcast second on any index. It's it's it's just knowledge about finances. We can't by law, lend any advice or anything but stuff maybe just to educate you because you know, we are going through a crazy financial climate. So maybe something in there for you. And I do it with my best friend since I met him at three years old. So it's a real honor. And he's got a doctorate in this stuff. So you know, how's the educated one? Exactly? Yeah, so that Thank you. This has been a pleasure. Sorry, I told you it's gonna be a lot throw out there. I know you had a lot. I knew you had a lot of stuff, but that's okay. Because you never know. The crew cast might be somebody's cup of tea and the financial stuff you never know. Well and amazing things through it is. I have found more Motley Crue fans that have a similar story to traumas and addiction issues than I would have ever thought. Wow. Like, wow, I heard she dropped say that, you know, he struggled. So did I. And that irony of being a Nicki six fan as a kid thinking he was the coolest guy on the planet for somebody who has become a, an example of of recovery. I mean, Jesus, that guy should have died 75 times, right. You know, so it's, it's just, it all seems to hang in and be this all encompassing thing. So you know, I know somebody's taking the handle pod father, but I should be up there somewhere. You should, you should definitely be. You'd be the pod sun. The pod sun and doesn't sound good. Doesn't sound good. Wait, if Darth Vader said it would sound really cool. Yes, it would. It would. Okay. I have one last question for you. Yeah. And your own words? What does the bright side of life mean to you? Oh, wow. I'm a crier, just so you know, cry it out. I'm I'm 44 years old. And I know you felt this too. I never felt a sense of home. And for the first time in my life, I can come in. And even though there's problems, I experienced real joy. A real sense of what home is, it's not a house, it's now a home. And boy, just knowing that even on my hard days suffer with anxiety and depression and all these different things that, that I have a purpose. And, to me, it's just such a wonderful thing when I can enjoy the little stuff now. Great conversation, making a new friend, because I'm gonna bug you now. Seeing my, my children's smile, Sandra, my girlfriend does those belly laughs You know, just really enjoying the little things now not taking them for granted. I think that's the brightest shining light of joy in my life right now. I love that. I love that. And so, I mean, that's literally what my answer usually is around the bright side of life. Because for so long, I thought it was oh, it's gonna be this place, this place that I get to. And yes, I have gotten to the bright side of life. But it's also a journey that will always continue to be the journey. And appreciating those things, even though there's a whole other crap going on, you know, destination syndrome as well. As is real don't don't get I just would encourage people don't get stuck in it. No, because, you know, I had one of my before my children. I own one of my dream cars. Was I anymore happy? No, I had a cool car. didn't really say anything about me internally to myself. Sure. I worked hard. And it's a thing. Guess what my son was on the way had to sell it, sold it to one of my best friends. Three weeks later, he was sideswiped, and it was totaled by a drunk driver. So it's like, you know, it's just a thing. So don't get stuck in those those things. experiences, like genuine experiences, real experience. And that's the good stuff. Exactly. That's like this episode. Yeah, exactly. I love you, Melissa. You're awesome. Thank you, Jason, so much. I appreciate it. Thank you guys for checking out this week's episode of The Bright Side of Life. Jason was such an awesome interview. And I'm so glad that we got to have over a two hour conversation because I went I was on his podcast right before we had my interview. And he was just an awesome person to talk to. And I so appreciate. I know you guys have heard me talk about this before. When guys do open up about their mental health and struggling with addiction and pornography, addiction, whatever it might be. I really just think it's so important to give other men that opportunity to know that they're not alone either. And sometimes I know that it can be harder. So I'm super proud of everything that he has done and now he is really trying to live a more purposeful life and help people and you guys should absolutely go check out his episode knocking doors down or his podcast, not his episodes because he has some great, great people on there. I know he mentioned them before and And as always, guys, if you know anyone that may need to hear Jason's story, please please share this episode with them because you never know if this is the one that puts hope back in their heart