Self love and healthy relationships. Brianne Davis's story on stepping into her truth and surrendering to her sex and love addiction.

Brianne Davis: 0:00

When I said, Hi, I'm Brianne, I'm a sex and love addict and I was hysterically bawling in the room and I, just for the first time didn't feel so broken our love, like I just didn't get the tools how to have healthy relationships.

Melissa Bright: 0:15

Welcome to the bright side of life, a podcast where people share their personal stories of struggles, pain and grief. But through all of that, they are still able to find the joys in life. Hello, bright ciders. And welcome to another episode of the bright side of life. I am your host, Melissa Bright. And I want to thank you guys again, to everyone that has donated to the show or recently wrote a review it is greatly appreciated. And if you would also like to show your support you can do so in a couple of ways. You can subscribe and share to the bright side of life Or you can write us a review on Apple podcast or directly at the bright side of life podcast.com slash reviews, or I am also part of buy me a coffee which is a way for creators like myself to accept donations from their listeners. And to do that, you can go to the bright side of life podcast comm and click on the donate button. And the donations really do mean a lot to the future of the podcast. So all you have to do is once you go to the website, just follow the prompts. And as always, thank you so so much for your support. And today I am talking with Brianne Davis. Brianne is an actress, director, podcast host wife, Mom and how I came to know her She is the author of the book secret life of a Hollywood sex and love addict. And that's exactly why I wanted to have her on my podcast she has over a decade of recovery and in SL A, which is also known as sex and love Addicts Anonymous. And I wanted her to come on here and share her story of days when she was really bad into her addiction to where she is now. So without further ado, Brianne, welcome to the bright side of life and how are you doing today?

Brianne Davis: 2:27

I'm good. I'm you know, you know, just hanging in there just being of service being present and trying to not lose my mind. Other than that, I'm doing great.

Melissa Bright: 2:37

Yes, I think that sounds like a little bit like all of us. So I appreciate the honesty. Okay, so I know we have a lot to cover today. And perhaps some of my listeners aren't really sure what a sex and love addict is exactly. But before we start there, and I I know it can kind of seem like it's a little bit self explanatory. But after reading your book, sex and love addiction can look like many many different things, many different things. Yeah, absolutely. So why don't we Why don't we first start at where what was your childhood like growing up? And I because I know that kind of played a big part into your addiction. So what did that look like?

Brianne Davis: 3:20

I mean, if I when I break it down, and I've I've done the inner child work and looked back and and seen the trauma you know, from a very early age, I never saw what a healthy marriage or relationship look like I you know, had a mother and a father that didn't really like each other and there was constant fighting and drama. I never saw them hold hands or kiss or sleeping the same bed. They had different bedrooms. And but and I grew up looking at television and film of what romance looks like I was a latchkey kid, I watched a lot of TV and film. And I just remember from a very early age thinking that real love had to look like the movies. You know, the butterflies the first falling in love the first you know, like sexual encounter all that high. And I and I talked about it in the book. The first movie I was obsessed with was Romeo and Juliet. And I think I was six years old. Like I watched Romeo and Juliet and jaws, which is like totally not appropriate for a six year old. But I remember that movie Romeo and Juliet, I saw the main actors, Michael whites, but it was the 1969 version or something like that. And whenever I say that, though, everybody's like, Oh, yeah, Leonardo DiCaprio. I'm like, No, I'm, like, go way back, like we're talking like in the 60s. But I remember seeing his butt and I was like, Oh, that's a nice but like I already had that. And then I remember that these two people, these two young kids loved each other so much. They were willing to drink some poison and stab themselves for them to be together. And now when I look at it I'm like, wait a minute, they just met for two days, their families hate each other people have died between their families. And they're sleeping together after less than 24 hours. And now they're killing them. Like that's crazy.

Melissa Bright: 5:15

Yeah, but that's what you saw on that. Yeah. I mean, when you watch it at that young age, so my movie that I watched was dirty dancing. I mean, oh, yeah. My mom was obsessed with that, too. She had it on replay. Yeah, I watched it constantly. And that was a forbidden love to it's like, forbidden loves. Right? Exactly. And that's what then that's kind of like, what you think how they look like. And then like, you mentioned the trauma, and then not necessarily healthy relationships between your parents. And so you just didn't know exactly what that was gonna look like. So that was kind of the start to everything. Yeah, it

Brianne Davis: 5:52

set me up and just, you know, I even you know, when my parents would fight, I find myself self soothing through masturbation not knowing what that was at a young age and, you know, finding my father's porn seeing those images too early, which is happening a lot right now for the generation, the younger generation, they are seeing too much porn and it desensitizes your brain and turns off, you know, the, the the sacredness of sexuality. So yeah, I just, it was just a bunch of situations all just coming at one time and addiction runs in my family, which I didn't know until I was in recovery, that, you know, my great great grandfather was an alcoholic. And every generation turned into a different addict, like a workaholic, overeater gambler. Like it was all I was just primed to become an addict. felt like that was it? Right,

Melissa Bright: 6:51

exactly. Exactly. So what did then high school and middle school and high school look like for you? And you can kind of just briefly touch on those just because I know that there were a couple of things that were in there.

Brianne Davis: 7:06

Yeah, I mean, I think the book I think that was the hardest part, you know, chapter five, six and seven, the character defects looking back at the why. Scene, why became the way I was about power and control with my sexuality. I just had, you know, I learned from a very early age, the power of female sexuality. I remember walking through the mall with my dad, I think I was like, 12 years old. And up, like a 14 year old man was like checking me out with my dad. And I remember the discuss, like, why is this old man looking at me like this? And but then at the same time, I was like, Oh, I have that power. Right. I don't talk about that in the book. I but I put a lot of my past in the book. It is a fiction, but I it's my life. But I like to say I made it fiction. So no one can know which one's mine and which one's the character's story. But yeah, it was a it was a little safety, you know, safety. And no one no one could sue me when I did it. Exactly. Yeah. And then the other really big moment was you know, I was always boy crazy. And I feel like a lot of people can, they were girl Crazy boy crazy, or whoever you're obsessed with. And I just was always looking for that at such a young age. And I had this when I had a boyfriend in eighth grade, you know, a boyfriend or whatever. I remember being at a party and I talked about this, his friends, like kiss me in the closet when I was getting my jacket to go home at this house party, where the parents were there and stuff. And I remember clearly, the rush of cheating. Like the high it was like my entire body was on fire. And I feel like now I've been chasing that high ever since like that first hit of like, power and control secrets dirty my sexuality. I have all this over this best friend of my boyfriend. Like I could come in between them. Like I was so special and unique. It was so egotistical, but yeah, I was chasing that high forever,

Melissa Bright: 9:12

right? And then that's what ultimately like was your full blown addiction was that chasing the power and having power over men, sometimes several men at at a time. And so I kind of want to specifically point out what your addiction was because my next question to you is, if you can kind of give other examples, because I know that you've sponsored several people in the recovery program, if you can give kind of other examples that you have seen because if I some of my listeners might be like, Am I like, Am I am I not? So are there other examples that you have seen that are like, Okay, this is another form that you might have a sex or love addiction. I'd love to hear but

Brianne Davis: 9:58

I mean, there's so many things Why think this disease has gone on traced for so long and people don't want to admit it because it's such a great disease. It's not like alcohol or drugs, which is very black and white, stop drinking the alcohol and you never pick it up again. With sex and love addiction, you could be addicted to one specific person or you could be having like repeating bad relationships over and over again and not understanding why you keep getting with the same type of person and redoing those patterns or being a cheater like me. But then I would like have long term relationships that kind of like they went on top of each other a little bit like I was always having somebody in the wing and my relationship didn't work out because I couldn't be alone. I didn't want to be alone. So I like I've sponsored people all over the world and hundreds and hundreds of people. So I like to say you know the love addiction side is going for that unavailable person. Are you always reaching out for that person that's never unavailable? Are you dm dming people constantly getting that high that attention those likes? Do you go back to painful relationships like to your ex Do you guys get breakup get back together break up get back together? Like that could be your qualifier he could be your drug? She could be your drug? Whoever Do you find yourself in multiple relationships? At one time? Do you find yourself numbing out with porn? Do you use porn not to feel your feelings or to have true intimacy with your partner? Are you always role playing? Not being present? Do you masturbate when you're having feelings you want don't want to feel? I mean, there's so many varieties Do you you know, have one night stands like I've never had a one night stand ever in my entire life. I never, you know, gone on Tinder or Bumble and swipe left and swipe right trying to find that perfect partner and soulmate. So that's the thing with this disease. It is so tricky. It's so cunning and baffling. Right? They say 6% of the United States has is a sex and love addict, and 38% of them are women. And that statistic was years ago. And I'm telling you now that they're they're everywhere. I almost feel like it's like 40% of our population has sex and love addiction, because it's just we're always searching for that outside person to complete us. So if you're out there, and you're listening to me, if you're searching for this person to complete you, the perfect soul mate person, no, it's never going to happen. It's never going to happen. Nobody can complete you. And that's what this program has taught me as Mike, I can only complete myself, I can't go outside for a great friendship. To complete me, my parents to complete me, my partner to complete me.

Melissa Bright: 12:53

Yeah, oh my gosh, people are probably gonna be like, Oh my god, I'm totally a sex and love addict.

Brianne Davis: 12:59

My son, like people use their children to complete them. I just want to say that and that's called emotional incest. And people do not talk about like, as a parent, my son's job is not to make mommy feel better and not to give mom attention and my self worth and that was done to me like I was there to fill my parents like to flow them the energy that that they were the important one. So I mean, the dynamics is just you're addicted to people just like that. Are you addicted to people and obsessed with people in your life? Is there drama in your life in relationships? Yeah, those are clear signs. There might be a problem. Yeah.

Melissa Bright: 13:40

And then you're putting yourself last or I mean, I know. We'll

Brianne Davis: 13:43

see. Yeah.

Melissa Bright: 13:44

Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And we could talk about that all day long. But I just had a light bulb go off yesterday when I was listening to your podcast because I called my boyfriend and I said, Okay, I haven't figured out everything yet. But I feel like sometimes some why our relationship I feel like it's hard is because I don't have to save you. I've never had to save you. You are a very confident person. You don't have past traumas issues. And I've always been a saver. Always. I've always wanted to save people. So I

Brianne Davis: 14:17

like the saver the fixer.

Melissa Bright: 14:19

Yeah, I'm like, so what's wrong? What What can I do? What can I do? And he's like, I don't I just want you to be my girlfriend, babe. And I'm like, What? No, I need to like do something. Let me fix you.

Brianne Davis: 14:29

Let me fix you. Let me make you better. Let me make you whole and complete. And if you're having a bad day, your partner is allowed to have a bad day and you not take on that bad day. You're not take on those feelings you not take on Oh, I need to fix it.

Melissa Bright: 14:42

Yeah, it's crazy. But literally, I was listening to your podcast yesterday. And I was like, this just went off and I gotta call my boyfriend. I don't have all the right words to say but I just that. Yeah, it's like, I love moments. Okay, so tell me your breaking point and and how you even go Got to your first meeting how you even come to know that I am a sex and love addict? What did that look like?

Brianne Davis: 15:07

See, that's the thing. You know, when I was writing the book and talking about all like the bottoms and the moments, I've had so many bottoms so many moments where I'm like, something is wrong with me and I don't know what it is, but I always transferred it to the other person. Like this person just didn't give me what I needed. The love bombing stopped, I didn't feel completely whole, like the butterflies went away, the love hi went away. So I was always like, oh, they're just not right for me there that they didn't like, fulfill me stimulate me as much as I needed. I need fun. I need excitement, all that bs bullshit is what I like to call it. Um, but my bottom bottom was, I was on location. Well, before I was shooting a movie in two days, and I found out a mentor of mine died suddenly of a heart attack. And I found myself two days later on location shooting a movie in another city. When I had a live in boyfriend and I was like, about to act out again. I started flirting, I started intriguing. And just if you don't know what intriguing means, it means like a step up from flirting where you like, give someone your number you act available. It's not like flirting, but you're like, giving off the signs. Like I'm interested, I want to date you, but you really you're not. You're just using them for their attention. Right? I say it's like raping people of their energy. Like, give me your energy, the attention so I can like feel, you know, like complete and whole and on, like, on top of the world, right? Yeah, I'm just like, loved raping people for their attention, give me high get me full. And I just remember I was looking at this person on set. I'm not gonna say who and I was like, I don't even like you as a person. Like, you're not nice to waiters, you're not a really good person. And I'm about to cheat on my boyfriend, who I actually care about and respect and want to be friends with if we weren't together in love as much as I could love someone out there. Right? And I remember just sitting there in a dark hotel room and going, Oh, my God, am I gonna do this again? Like, am I something is really wrong. Am I going to be on my deathbed at 7080 however old and be like, I never connect to another soul. I was always looking for this person, like something has to be wrong with me. And I called a friend and I got therapist and I went and I saw a therapist. And she said, Well, she said two things to me. And I put these in the book. She said, you This one was a little brutal. She said, You remind me of a high class prostitute that's a client of mine. She says you wear the mask. And you have a secret like she does. And I was like, What are you talking? I got so offended. I'm like, I'm not a prostitute. I'm an actor. And they used to say actors are prostitutes. But listen, there's no I have nothing on people selling themselves being you know, any of that, like at all. But it took me because I was like, I barely had any sexual partners or had one night stands, what are you talking about? But then in the book, I realized I was like, wait, I have had guys pay for dinner. And then like, mess around with them when I really didn't want to so technically write things for money, like, I'll be honest about that, you know, are like someone gives you a gift, and you think you have to go out with them. Yep. Anyways, we are not alone. But um, and then the second thing she said is like, Oh, I know, what's your sex and love addict? And I said, What? And she had me go through the 40 questions. There's these 40 questions. And I talked about in the book a lot about, you know, you just throw yes or no. And if you get five or more, right, you know, you might have this problem. So we filled them out together. And it was brutal. It was a brutal moment. I'll take you through the whole book. And I tell you my number out of 40. And it was smack dab in my face that I had this problem. Like I couldn't get around it. The curtain was lifted, the veil was lifted.

Melissa Bright: 19:15

So once you found that out, did you ask her like, so what do I do now? Or were you even looking for a solution at this point?

Brianne Davis: 19:25

I mean, after that was like at the end of our session, and I was like, She's like, time's up. Like that's how I was in a minute. And I remember like, walking down to my Prius, getting in the car driving away and just bawling my eyes out on the 101 in Los Angeles, driving back to my apartment that I had with my boyfriend and I called him on the phone and I was like, he says, I must I love that like hysterically crying and I get home to our apartment and he printed up all the meetings in Los Angeles, and Highlighted all the meetings I could go to. And I went to a meeting that night, and I sat in a room, you know, a fluorescent light room, which I talked about in the book a lot, how uncomfortable with 30 people that are nothing like me from all walks of life, a list celebrity to a CEO, to a janitor to a social worker to an elementary school teacher, like every type of person and ethnicity and, and race in it. And we all sat around and every person shared and I was like, Oh, my God, I've done that. I've thought that i've you know, almost done that. And it was just a moment where I cried when I said, Hi, I'm Brianna, my sex and love addict, and I was hysterically bawling in the room. And I just for the first time didn't feel so broken are alone. Like, I just didn't get the tools, how to have healthy relationships. And that was a moment I said, like I surrendered. I haven't had any slips, or you know, I really surrendered 11 and a half years ago, and I just have to say, you know, I'm still with the same man that highlighted those meetings, we've been together for 16 years. We are married. Now, I never wanted to be married. We have a kid. I never wanted a kid. I was too selfish and narcissistic and egotistical to have a kid. But this program saved my life. And it made me step into my truth, let go of my trauma, let go of my acting out using other people to fill me I mean, but it was brutal. It was a brutal, brutal program for me to go through and surrender.

Melissa Bright: 21:37

And in your book, and I won't give all the details of the book because people need to go buy this book. But you you walk yourself through these different steps that you were forced to do in your first year of recovery. And it's incredible even for now, I have no idea if I technically am a sex and love addict, per se. But just just any human being, I think should read it for other things. There's so many things that you pointed out like one of the most important was you have to love yourself first. And I feel like, at least in the book, that was a big like thing for you. Because don't that's one of the reasons why you're going to go act out and search it for other things. You know, and it's just amazing that you're in this and I actually had to look it up. I was like, Okay, so this book she talks about, she was 30. But I think she's older than me. So how long ago was this? And yeah, because I was like trying to figure that all out. It was very interesting. Okay, so to kind of explain it then. So sex and love Addicts Anonymous is similar to a 12 step program, just like Alcoholics Anonymous Narcotics Anonymous, what have you. So if people are like, I don't know how that works. So you still you work these 12 steps that you had to do right now question for you. So both of my parents or my stepdad and my mom were, and a so I'm very familiar with all this. My dad's been sober for 25 years. I used to go to meetings when I was a little girl probably shouldn't have been there. But my mom had nowhere else to take me. So I went when you work through these steps, do they give you a certain time? Or could you be stuck on stuff? Like let's say 346 months? How do those steps work?

Brianne Davis: 23:24

Well, that's the thing. I mean, everybody works. This steps different. I definitely did them the long haul. It took me actually nine years to do my 12 steps. It took me a long time to complete them. I mean, my fourth step is the resentments step. I had 176 people on my resentment. I went back, you know, I had my mom mail me all my yearbooks starting in kindergarten, and I just went through and I was like, if I'm going to do these steps, if I'm gonna, like, turn my will in my life over to a higher power I know nothing about not even you know, thinking and God's taking care of me. If I'm going to look at my resentments, then look at my side of the street. I'm going to really do it like let's just do it because I can always go and act out. That's the easy thing. So I just really allowed myself to grieve allowed myself to grieve for the addict self to grieve for my inner child that didn't get the love, the compassion, the understanding, you know, allowed to feel my feelings like Don't cry, what are you crying about? I mean, my son today had a massive meltdown, like massive over nothing, like nothing, right? And my husband and I are staring at him. Like he just needs to feel his feelings and we're not going to shame him and he's allowed to feel his feelings but and we're not going to try to fix him. And I always feel like as a parent, you want to fix your child, but I never got the chance to manage my own emotions or make my own emotions, right. So through the process of doing these 12 steps, looking at my character defects that run my life, which I have 22 major character defects. We're talking like jealousy, envy, greed. What I mean, I know many why lying is lying. Cheating is one. Stealing is one. I mean, I just I'm like chock full of character defects, victim martyr ism manipulation and impatient like I could just go The list goes on. And then looking at how they run my life and the Compare and despair to other people then looking at all the people I have wronged and having to like make amends. And then if I am wrong promptly admitted immediately to someone always taking responsibility keeping my side of the street clean, then prayer meditation and then now I'm working the 12 step being of service 24 seven, my entire life is of a service now it's not for me anymore, it's to be of service to other people in the attic still suffering. So yeah, it took me a really long time to work those and look at all the things that I've done over and over in my life and repeating the same pattern with different people. And it was brutal. But that's the thing. That's the thing that you get from it. It's not the perfect relationship. It's not. But all the drama disappears from your life, the people that would never showed up for you the unavailable people and that was the friendships I you know, I going through the process friendships, I realized, wow, I'm picking friends that are incapable of showing up for me, they're just incapable they can't do it. It's pretty much intimacy, and just those going away, and then taking a year off my dad, because we had no boundaries, you know, and setting up boundaries with parents. And it was exhausting. But it was the best thing I've ever done for myself, and no one can take that work away from me, my husband can leave me my son can leave me my career could go away, my money could go away. Everything could go away. And nobody takes away. That work I did on my internal self. And I and everybody talks about self love, have self love, self love. And it's like, Yes, I know that. But how do you get to the self love, you got to dig through your shit. That's what you got to do. That's what people don't realize they feel like toxic positivity, I'm going to love myself, I'm going to take myself to the spa. No, that's not going to last you what last you is digging through your shit. digging through and looking at all the things you've done wrong to people have done to you feeling those feelings, feelings don't hurt you. As an addict, I don't want to feel feelings I want to feel you for for you. 24 seven, right. But those feelings need to be felt. And when we don't feel them, we just stuffed them down stuff. I'm down stuff I'm down, you know, attention on social media get, you know, a new purse, eating that cupcake, like, you know, a new boyfriend and new blah, blah, blah, whatever. We use all these isms to make ourselves feel better. And the one thing that can give us that self love that is in our core, and our gut, is digging through all your trauma, all the stuff you've been pushing down to find your gold. And that's what the books about. It's really not about finding the perfect partner. It's about the work to do to get better. Yeah. And love yourself.

Melissa Bright: 28:13

Yeah. And it's so funny. I actually have your book opened and I, I marked it up on a little on actually a lot of pages. But I love that. Since we are here and we are talking about that you wrote, no one can do it for you, and you can't pay anyone to go through it, you have to do it. You have to feel everything that you haven't felt for years. And that's something that I know that your sponsor told you. And that just goes not just being a sex and love addict that goes with dealing with grief of losing a loved one dealing with any kind of trauma that you have ever been. So many times people just want to shove it down or not deal with it or drink it away or wish it away.

Brianne Davis: 28:55

watch Netflix. I mean, come on. How many people don't want to feel a feeling that they flip on Netflix. Yeah. Or video games. I've have a I have a guy fellow that's like, doesn't want to feel and he just keeps doing video games for four hours a day. And I'm like, dude, like, what are you not feeling right now where you're numbing out with these things. Because sooner or later it's going to come up and it's going to come out in a gnarly ass way.

Melissa Bright: 29:19

It's going it's going to be bad. And that's exactly what it did for my relationship. I had a lot of anger towards like my my dad for not being in my life. And my mom passed away when I was only 25. And all the shit that I didn't deal with, with all of that came out in 2020. Thank God. Now I'm so more self aware of like, because my boyfriend he looked at me and he's like, You're not mad at me, Melissa. Like I didn't do it. And I'm like, Oh, I know you didn't do it. But you're gonna get out on somebody. Oh, but it's been one of the best things is like therapy also. Yes. therapy. Yes. Yeah. So I wanted to ask you about that because you did it both. You did therapy while also doing SLA. So can you tell me what, and obviously we know the differences, but how did they kind of play off of each other and help you become sober and with your addiction and everything, thank you to better help for sponsoring this podcast. I have been using better help for almost a year now. And the progress that I have made in my mental health has been incredible. I just want to tell you, my listeners a little bit about better help to see if it might be a great fit for you. Their mission is making professional counseling accessible, affordable, and convenient. So anyone who struggles with life challenges can get help anywhere, anytime they offer four ways to get counseling, from video sessions, phone calls to live chat and messaging. It's also available worldwide, you will be matched with your counselor and 24 hours or less better help offers a broad expertise in their network. So it provides users with access to specialists, they might not be able to find locally, financial aid is also available for those who qualify. So visit better help.com slash bright side of life, that's better help.com slash bright side of life, join over 500,000 people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. And for your first month, you're going to receive 10% off by being a listener of the bright side of life. So let them know that I sent you by using the link better help.com forward slash bright side of life. That's better help.com forward slash b r i g h t side of life, the link will also be in the description section of this episode.

Brianne Davis: 31:43

Yeah, I mean, my therapist said I cannot fix your addiction to people like that's not her job. She's not doesn't have the tools as a therapist therapy is when you look at your past and like look at all the things that happened to you and Mike rework them out and talk them out and what a 12 step program our group, you know, just even a group of people, you don't have to go to a 12 step program. But there's something about getting around other people, fellows that have been through the same thing or something similar. And working those steps and going through that process. Because my therapist could not take me through that process of 12 steps, I had to go through it, I had to sit down, I had to write it out. I had to do all that by myself, and no one else can do it. You can't pay a therapist to do that for you. Right? It's impossible. And I just I love that quote that you picked. Because a lot of people believe if you have enough money, you're gonna be okay if you if you have enough fame, and I'm just telling you, I know so many a list celebrities in this program that are suffering that are like going from relationship to relationship marriage to marriage, I mean, just turn on the TV, you can slow down and money does not fix anything, right? This is like emotional mental work you have to do for yourself. And I wouldn't I don't think I would have kept my sobriety for 11 and a half years, if I didn't do the therapy twice a week for eight years. If I didn't do this step work, and thoroughly do it and look at all the things that have happened to me and that I have created. I don't think I think I would have probably slipped because this program is really hard. Not a lot of people have sobriety, nobody talks about wanting to be a sex and love addict. I was really hard on my podcast to get anybody, especially men to talk about being a sex and love addict. And it's an embarrassing, there's a lot of shame, there's a lot of stigma around this disease. And I'm just here to be like, we all actually have this problem. If you look at any of your friends, I'm sure one or two of them at least keeps getting in bad relationships, or just picking the wrong partner or got married to a sex addict and can't get out of it or can't get through it with their partner. So I've just really willing to be like, Listen, let's just talk about it. There's no shame like I've done bad things. It doesn't make me a bad person. If you've done bad things. It doesn't make you a bad person. So I think doing therapy, working a program talking to people is the first step to like shedding that layer of secrets and the shame that we carry with this addiction. Yeah, and that makes sense because I'm like, I'm like I know the differences obviously between therapy and that but you just had a perfectly she couldn't actually get you through the program teach

Melissa Bright: 34:30

you give you the tools and all that stuff. You had to go do that on your own. And so what was the most surprising thing through everything that you have went through with SLA? What is the most surprising thing that you're like? I never knew that this program would get this out of me or I'd have this revelation or whatever it is that you got out of it.

Brianne Davis: 34:55

Oh my god, that is like the most amazing question and no one's actually They asked me that. Oh, yeah. So I feel like the easy answer, let's just say is the self love. Because when people are coming into the program, they just want to get out of pain. When you walk through sex and love Addicts Anonymous door. You're admitting you have a problem. It's like the last place you want to be. Let me just tell you, it's like the bottom of the barrel like, we've had heroin addicts, and I talk about this a lot in the book, heroin addicts that are recovered for 20 years come in and be like, I can quit heroin, but I can't quit her. I could go through withdrawal from alcoholism and have 30 years of sobriety. But I did not want to walk into this room and they say a is like the last house on the block. But slaw that's the nickname for it slaw is like the shack in the back. Nobody wants to go to like you do not want to go it's like you, you are like in so much pain. So I tell people, if you're walking in or thinking you have this, you you normally have it like no one decides to. So I think finding the self love that it's really about self love. It's not about finding the perfect partner, or, you know, the relationship that's going to fix you, when you first come in, you just want to get out of pain and like, make a relationship work or like get on the other side of your sexual anorexia, which we didn't even talk about, which is you shut down sexually, because you've been hurt in the past. So people go like two years without dating or being sexual because they don't want to open themselves up. And it's just really a fear of intimacy, of fear of abandonment of fear of unworthiness, or low self esteem. And I think that was the shock. Like, wait, I thought I was the most egotistical competent person. But I have like, no self esteem, or self worth, I put myself in bad situations. I take don't take responsibility. I'm like a child inside and I'm afraid of someone hurting me. I'm afraid of someone abandon me. And intimacy scares the shit out of me. I don't know how to connect sexuality and intimacy. It's too painful. So I think that was the big revelation, the self love and those things. But then I think like, the best thing I learned from the program is that I, I'm gonna cry, but like, I love, I'm gonna cry. I love helping other people. Like, I just always thought I was like, a selfish person. Or, really, I was just scared of getting hurt, but like to be able to write the book and the podcast and have like, six to like, 15 people reach out a day and say, I've suffered from this, like, I now I don't feel so alone. I don't want to commit suicide over this breakup. Like, my husband does this to me or to be able to tell people like they're not alone, like, has been like the best gift in the world. And it just like, I'm that's like the one thing that like, no one can take away like, I've helped if I help one person, not live in this disease, like I've done my job. And when I wrote the book, I didn't I actually didn't write it. I feel like my higher power wrote it because I never wanted to write a book or come out as a sex and love addict, you know, right. But it's the best thing I've ever done. And I wouldn't have been able to do it if I didn't walk through my own pain and like, let my shit burn. And like, you know, start back again. And yeah, I'm just really grateful. Like, I wouldn't change my path for anything.

Melissa Bright: 38:43

Yeah. And it's amazing that you say that about like helping other people. Because sometimes when you're so desperate to like, help yourself, like, I'm trying to get better what I'm supposed to turn around and go be of service to people when I'm fucked up and all this other stuff like that?

Brianne Davis: 39:03

No, that's what people don't understand when you are when you are hurting. When you are pain. There is something about calling somebody else and saying how are you? Are you okay? And it's like, it connects us like it connects that we all have problems. We're not in this alone, like we all can come together. But you can't do it in a codependent way where then you don't feel your feelings. So it's like this weird. You have to start from scratch. So that's the great thing about you know, a 12 step program is they're not telling you to be of service right away. You know, you're a newcomer, you're here to grieve. Someone else is there to walk you through it. And that's why I love being a sponsor. Like I walked so many women and gay men, and, uh, you know, and bisexual and like trans, like, I've watched so many people with different paths than me through the program. Right and they have you No different things that I do. But just being of service saying these, this is what I did. If you want what I have here it is if you don't, it's nothing on me. Right? Like, I am not your God, I just am another addict trying to be of service so that I don't act out. And that I think is just the ripple effect. It's that ripple effect when you be of service to somebody else and not wanting anything expectations and return. And just to help them is, then they go help somebody else. And then they help somebody else. And they it's the ripple effect.

Melissa Bright: 40:33

Yeah. And to get that like for like you said, You never wanted to write a book. You're the second person that has said that they felt like somebody else was writing it was just like, it was just flowing out. Like, what I don't even know how I did this. But no,

Brianne Davis: 40:46

I wrote it in 45 days, the first draft was never interested in writing a book or coming out as a sex and love addict. I was aware I'm a working actor. I didn't plan on it. But the book literally, and I was reading it the other day, when I would did the audible I was like, I wrote this, like, this is pretty good. Like, my husband's like, you know, you wrote it. I was like, honestly, I don't feel like I wrote it. Like I read it. And it doesn't feel like I wrote it. Right.

Melissa Bright: 41:16

So okay, I have I have more questions, because I'm very now you say in your book that this disease is going like you're a lifer. It's a lifetime disease. Right. So I guess the opposite question is, do you feel that it's curable? Or do you always encourage people that have been in the program to just keep going, even if you're going to go to one meeting a week, one meeting a month, work your steps, whatever, I don't know everything but right. Um, what would you say to people? Like if they say, I think I'm good now? Like, I think I'm done? What do you say?

Brianne Davis: 41:53

Well, first of all, I'm laughing. Um, I don't actually think it's curable, honestly. Just my experience, I wish it was. But I know that things trigger me life happens. There's the ups and downs of life. And I know that my character defects can then go into scarcity, fear, be triggered, you know, compare and despair that social media is really difficult for me as an addict, I will, if I'm having a great day, I could look online and then crash and burn. So my experience is when people leave the program, because they got a good relationship and a healthy relationship, if they don't have the tools and fellows around to have conversations be like, Oh, my partner just triggered me. Because they think the whole reason of getting in the program is to get ahead in a healthy relationship. But as addicts we fuck up healthy relation, right. And I just know so many long term people that you know, left, and then like five years later came back. So my experiences once you have this disease, when you're addicted to people, when you're addicted to relationships and all that, that doesn't just go away, because you're out of that bad relationship, right? You usually carry those behaviors into the next relationships, especially if you haven't done the work around why you did those things in the first place. So I just, it's like a whack a mole. Like it just goes on and on. So that's why I say I'm a lifer. You know, I go to more meetings now after 11 and a half years of sobriety than I did when I started, you know, a long time ago. I I mean, last week, I had a really hard week last week, I was grieving the loss of a friendship that I you know, kept going back to this the unavailable person and I was like, I know better like why am I reaching out to this person that is selfish and can't show up for me and it was so frustrating. I was like, I have done the work like what the heck, right? And I just, you know, went to tons of meetings online, went to in person meetings, shared open my mouth called my sponsor, prayed and meditated, wrote down, like, I use all my tools, and I was still in this place of anger, resentment, disappointment, abandonment. And I talked to my sponsor, and he said, you've done all your tools. So maybe you just have to sit in the discomfort right now and feel that and let it like wash through you and feel that pain. And if I was not in the program, I could have gone and acted out or I couldn't go ate, you know, shopped online or a huge piece of cake or anything. So yeah, I'm grateful to be a lifer. Because I have places to go now when I am feeling out of control or powerless and all those things,

Melissa Bright: 44:58

right. And that's such It's so important that you said like doing the work because so I struggle really bad with anxiety. And I know all the tools. The shitty part is, is sometimes I don't want to do the work, like crushing down. Oh, it's like nine o'clock at night and all of a sudden my mind will start racing and I'm like, I don't want to meditate. I don't want to do yoga, I don't want to journal I don't I want to sleep is what I want to do. And it's like, sometimes it's so easy to do the work when you're motivated in other times, but that's why I just like commend you so much. I'm like, nine years in any kind of program is incredible.

Brianne Davis: 45:38

No, believe me girl, like, I have had days on my, I don't want a manager. That's the hardest meditating is the hardest for me. I mean, just even sitting one minute, my sponsor was like, sit in your car for one minute before you go into someplace and just sit and quiet one minute. And that is hard for me. Because I'm like a Type A want to get it done. Like, got lists got things to do. And my brain is spinning, but it's like the days and the moments you're like, I don't want to do it. Those are the minutes you have to be like, I need to do it. Exactly.

Melissa Bright: 46:14

Exactly. 100% 100%. So one question I wanted to ask you is do you see a common theme with sex and love addicts? Like when you start to sponsor them, or just who you who you've met throughout the program?

Brianne Davis: 46:28

I mean, the common theme is we're always obsessed with people. Like we're always obsessed with people. We cannot let it's literally people are drugs to us. And the other common theme is we all think we don't have a problem. Oh, it's my favorite when someone's like, Yeah, I just don't think I have that. And I'm like, Okay, first step. Is that the first step admitting it as admitting? Yeah. And it's like, when they say that to me, I'm like, Okay, okay, so fine. You don't have the problem. But maybe there's some relationships in your life, you need to look at maybe you're not getting your needs met. Maybe you're not showing up as a whole person because you have one foot in and one foot out, like, so I try to not, you know, be like, okay, sure, but, but that's the main thing. We don't want to admit we have a problem. Nobody wants to admit they have a problem, right? Like, right. Nobody wants to say, I do this. So I don't have to feel my feelings. That's embarrassing. It's It's shameful. And yet we all do it.

Melissa Bright: 47:36

Yeah. Well, especially doing it like walking into a room with complete strangers. And in saying that, it's not like you're just going up to your boyfriend to be like, okay, honey, I feel like Yeah, I do have the problem. No, now you're about to walk into a room of strangers. Yeah. And they're like, I can't even imagine. And I think also maybe just the fact that it is sex and love makes it like taboo. It's like, I can't talk about what the actual addiction is, like, where you can speak about drinking alcohol, like, nobody's gonna be like, Oh, my God, that's weird. But as soon as you talk about masturbating, it's like, it's ocra people, you know,

Brianne Davis: 48:10

and being a female sex and love addict is even more like, there's so many like misconceptions. I had one person one time, email me and be like, I wish I would have met you when you were in your disease. And I was I was literally like, Oh, you think it's hot to use people? That what you're saying to me right now, because that is not hot at all, to to use other people to make myself feel good, because that's what I was doing. It wasn't sexy. That's not sexy. Right? So I think there's a lot of misconceptions. Nobody wants to say it, you know, men don't really ever want to say they're love addicts. And women don't want to say they're sex addicts. But when you have a love addiction, or a sex addiction, you usually have both sides, you you you know, get attached to people that you shouldn't you use your sexuality in a way you use people as objects, but that's the thing. I think the program is so beautiful, and I'm so grateful is that you sit around with you know, now it's like 80 people, all walks of life, you know, different genders and, and we get to see each other's humanity, right? Like, I get to listen to men that go out and, you know, sleep with a bunch of women or you know, are always using, you know, to get get off and I get to see why they do that because they came from a background where the mother was inappropriate with them or, you know, they looked at porn way too early and they desensitize their brains and they don't know how to have relationships or they've had trauma themselves and, and to see them and go, Oh my god, you're just a human suffering like me. And that is what the program gives you where you're not alone. We all have had trauma and no matter how beautiful it looks like on the outside, There's a way through it, and you do it with your fellows. And, and the best thing about the room and I and I don't really speak about this, I think it's in the book though, that you create new boundaries in those rooms. So you then can go out into the world and have those so you use you know, your sponsor in your relationship, there's clear boundaries, there's clear boundaries between the sexes. In the meetings, you can ask, you know, the the sex, the sexual partner, you can ask them to sponsor you, you have, you can't say inappropriate things, you have to dress a certain way you can't get sexually graphic. There's so many rules and boundaries in the program, right teaches you then to go out into the world world and do those things.

Melissa Bright: 50:46

And it won't set you up for failure. Exactly. Because you're not gonna walk into a room when like, everybody, all the girls boobs are out while the guys are like, I'm trying not to look at boobs.

Brianne Davis: 50:56

Oh, no, they're telling you the Li don't tell you what cover up. And I was just talking about with some old timers last night, I had a gold timer meeting and we were all laughing because one of our friends was running the meeting, which I love at every, like six months, a new person runs the meeting. So there's like not one person in charge. It's not like a cult or something where it's like, there's like, you know, one crazy person charge. And, you know, I was wearing a backless shirt to a meeting and he had to come up to me, I think it was like year three, and he had to be like, so Brianne, you're sure has really triggered some people in the meeting, you know, like, your back and I was like, What are you talking about? her boobs are out. His pants are too tight. Like I started going off. And my poor frat guy friend was like, I'm sorry, I just have to tell you and I do apologize to him. But I was like, Okay, I can't wear backless shirts. Like that's not appropriate.

Melissa Bright: 51:55

Yeah. But I was just I was curious about that. Because I'm like, you know, you walk into other. There's a book, I don't remember what it is. I think it's the same guy that wrote Fight Club, but it's about like, sex, the same thing you do. And he totally, I don't think it's like real, but at least there's like rules. So people aren't like, tempted and so on and so forth. So, okay, um, what I want to ask you is what, what do you think that you're most proud of yourself for? Since you have done this program, or even throughout your life, like, up until this point, what are you most proud of?

Brianne Davis: 52:32

Well, I think my sobriety 100% I mean, like I said, No one can take it away from me. Yeah, I know, I can be on my deathbed. And know that I've done the work that I've taken responsibility that I made amends, no one can take that away, and then being of service to other people. And then I really think being a good mom, like, I am now getting to give my son boundaries, you know, he doesn't ever have to, like if I'm crying, I don't want him to say, although mom, give mommy a hug, like, my husband, and I have such clear boundaries with our son, and we know hate, he's his own person. And he's not a part of us, like, we're here to teach him and make him a better person, a kinder person in this world. And hopefully, God willing, you know, we don't carry on the addiction that happened in our family history. My my husband's also in a 12 step program for 32 years, and he's in another one for 10 years of recovery. And we just really hope we're breaking that that chain of addiction of addictive thinking behaviors. And if we did that, we did our job. And so hopefully, you know, my son does not have to go down the road of using people drugs, drinking. Yeah, any money, whatever.

Melissa Bright: 53:53

Whatever it is, yeah. Yeah. Amazing. That's amazing. If you could give advice to anybody that may be listening right now. And they're like, okay, so I kind of sound like that could be me. What would you what what advice would you give them just right out of the gate? If if they came up to you and said that,

Brianne Davis: 54:12

I would say do the 40 questions, because that is very clear. If you have a problem, like I said, Go online type in 40 self diagnose sex and love Addicts Anonymous questions. They're very easy. It's like, do you look for someone to fix you? Do you do lose count of the number of sexual partners you have? Have you had sex and didn't want to have sex? And you answer them for your whole life, right? Not just this period of time you're in now because people like to go live. I used to do that and I don't do it now. But here's the thing when trauma happens in your life, you resort to those old behaviors like what happened with me a mentor died and I hadn't cheated or been interested in anyone else for two to three years. But what happened as soon as that trauma came, those urges, all came back and I was like, whoa, whoa, Whoa, what's going on? Right? So you answer them for your whole life, your whole life strategy of the second thing is get my book not because I want you to buy my book, like, I don't make that much money. But it's because the book, I really wrote the book in a way where it can entertain, you can take you on a journey, it can talk about Hollywood, but it also breaks down the program. So clearly, I wanted people to understand the program in a very clear sense, because when I started so long ago, every book I picked up was so academic, so clinical, I would read a page and I'd like throw it against the wall, like, Oh, right. It's just like too hard to understand. So I wanted to write a book where people understood and I know I did it, you did, my mom called me and she read the book. And I was like, Oh, my God, because it's very graphic. It's very, it actually goes there. It goes into the attic thoughts. I wanted the audience to get into an addicts head, why an addict says, I'm not going to do this. And then they turn around and do it like two minutes later, um, but my mom called me and she was crying. And she said, she said, I just read your book. And she said, for the first time, since you've been in the program, I completely understand your addiction. Like I never understood it. And I've talked about it a million times to her. And then the second thing she said is, and I've done some of those things, and it was such like, a beautiful moment for me like, right, for her to understand and also to identify was just the best thing that happened.

Melissa Bright: 56:42

Yeah. Oh, that's incredible. And that, that makes me happy. Because I was curious. You know, like, God, she wrote this and about her parents and kind of get ready to okay. Yeah. That's a whole other conversation. Right? Exactly. Um, so. So you have been dating your wife, your husband now for a while. So you were in this addiction when you knew him when you were dating him? Yeah. What would what would somebody say like now if they haven't known their their spouse for a long time, but they are have the urges to cheat or want to flirt or whatever it is that they do. But they want to get help? How can somebody even go up to their spouse and say, I want to be better to you, I want to be a better person. But I, I do like cheating. It has nothing to do with you. It has to do with that what whatever it is, I can't even imagine trying to have that conversation. Well, no,

Brianne Davis: 57:39

I would advise never to have that conversation first. Okay. Yeah, that would be a almost mental abuse. I think, you know, when we share with our partners, we sometimes share a little too, even though my husband and I could over communicate, there's certain things we don't share with each other because it would hurt another person. Because it's very hard for someone that's not addicted to relationships, or people to understand that if I cheat if I flirt if I intrigue, if I'm interested in a co worker, or have this weird dynamic with somebody that has anything to do with them. And that's what I say you could be the most perfect partner and if your significant other has those tendencies, it has nothing to do with you. You could have the perfect body the perfect face the the biggest boobs, I had a boyfriend that's like maybe I get a boob job, and he won't cheat on me. And I'm like, No girl, like, he's gonna cheat on you, no matter who you are. And this one man said one time, and this is a little graphic. But he said, you could be the most beautiful person in the world. And I and I can tell you, somebody sick of fucking you. Like, it has nothing to do. So for you to go up to your partner and say I want to cheat on you, or intrigue or flirt is abusive, because that's not fair to them. So what I would say if someone's listening and has those tendencies to look deep down inside to open your mouth and say to someone you trust, go see a therapist and say, Hey, I'm in this relationship. I care about my partner. But I keep finding myself kind of like stepping out of the relationship being a little inappropriate. Getting my needs met mentally from someone else, or like having phone sex, that happens a lot. Um, open your mouth, say it, there's something about saying it out loud to somebody else where it takes the power away. And then look at why you're doing that. Because it's really has nothing to do with your partner it has. Absolutely because let me just tell you, you will then get out of that relationship with your partner. start dating someone else be in the pink elephant of the first love. Hi. And believe me that's going to go away and a year, two years, five years, whatever that Seven Year Itch everyone talks about? Mm hmm. It's like we believe as a society that our relationships should stay one way and they don't teach us and I wish they were class in school where it says What does a real healthy long term relationship look like? That is what needs to be talked about not falling in love on songs, you know, in movies, and I would really like to have like a class or like you have a financial conversation, you talk about how you want to raise your kids, if you want kids, if having that conversation, what religion you're going to relate. How are you going to pay your bills? Who's going to be responsible? Like those are real conversations healthy relationships have and we just don't as a society cater to that at all? Right? No fantasy, it's all fantasy.

Melissa Bright: 1:00:39

Yep. And in the biggest thing that you just said is like, if somebody did want help, if they're like, man, I want to keep doing this. But I do want help kind of like you like you kept. Like, why do I feel this way? And that's the thing is, once you finally figure out the why, now you can fix it. Now you're like, well, I you get the tools. But you have to figure out voice,

Brianne Davis: 1:01:02

voice and exactly choices. Do you want to keep living in the same pattern always looking outside of yourself? for someone to fix you? Or do you want to stop and say, okay, what's really going on? Why do I keep jumping from relationship? Why do I keep flirting? Why do I keep cheating? Why do I keep doing these things to people I care about. And it's usually because you're afraid of intimacy, and you don't know how to actually love or be loved or allow yourself to be loved. And, you know, if you are struggling out there, DM me, I'll send you to some awesome new literature or zoom meetings that you can jump on and just listen or, you know, do those 40 questions reach out to a therapist go to like a priest or someone you trust because you are not alone. And everybody, a lot of people feel this way. A lot of people have this is on, but we don't talk about it. And that's why I want to talk about it now.

Melissa Bright: 1:01:52

Yeah. Oh, I love that. Okay, really quickly, because your podcast is absolutely amazing. So, very quickly talk about your podcast and what the name of it is.

Brianne Davis: 1:02:01

Okay. It's called secret life podcast. I started the podcast last year, when the pandemic happened. I wrote an article for huffpost when I first came out before the book, and it got 2 million hits and people all over the world started reaching out to me and I woke up one morning, after the pandemic and the world shut down. And there was all these people coming into the program suffering like, alone, depressed, and I said, Oh my god, secret life. Other people tell me their secrets. Because when I wrote that Huff Post article, I didn't realize after over a decade of recovery, I still had a little shame. And the morning it came out that Huff Post article I was like, Oh my god, what did I do? Did I ruin my career in my like, the world is gonna end like, like I went into this like anxiety written fear of write your, you know, all the things where you're like, Oh, my God, did I make the worst decision of my life. And literally two hours I think at like, 9am, nothing happened. It was like, such a gut like reality, humble, like, relax, breathe, and you're like this small on the planet. No one cares. But instead, I got to release that last bit of shame. And I said, Oh, my God, I really want to give people a chance to come on share their past present secrets, all walks of life, alcoholics to suicide attempts, eating disorders, using a Bart abortion as birth control, being addicted to lying about their resume, you know, having some mental illness. This week, it's about ticks, having a body tick and trying to get through that and just every walk of life stealing everything, and to give people so they don't feel so alone. It's about the listeners. And I'm really proud of the podcast because I can't even tell you how many letters I get a day people are sharing their secrets and truth and being willing to put themselves out there. And most of our guests are anonymous, I change a lot of the names. And then we have some really famous people come on and tell their truth. We had Olivia Monae and Jana Kramer and Cheryl Burke and tons of other people, and I just am really, really proud of it. It's created this like secret life movement, we feel where it's like, tell me your secret. I'll tell you mine, and we can get it through. We can get through it together and you are not alone.

Melissa Bright: 1:04:21

Yeah. And you release it and you're like, Ah, this feels so much better.

Brianne Davis: 1:04:26

I haven't had one guest like, wish they didn't do it. Right. And we've I've had we just released our 50th episode. And I have like 85 interviews still. So we have enough for another year and a half to release and yeah, we're just doing it to be of service and to help our listeners. That's amazing. Yeah, very cool. So

Melissa Bright: 1:04:51

you guys have to check that out. And then also brands book which is the well it's secret life of a Hollywood sex and love addict. And you can get that at work website is everywhere

Brianne Davis: 1:05:03

you can get worldwide. But you know, you can go on secret life novel.com you can get a signed copy, you can get the audible version there, you can get the hardback and ebook or you know, you can go to Amazon or Barnes and Noble or any other place, but we definitely put them a little cheaper on the website, just so you know, you can get it faster and cheaper. But it's up to you wherever you buy books. I mean, and it's the longest title known to man sorry, I just love the title. People are like, see your life of a Hollywood sex and love addict.

Melissa Bright: 1:05:34

I love it. And it's such a great book, I'm glad that I have the hardback just because I'm very I'm like a visual person. And I love the steps that you put in there and everything. So it's great. So I just have one last question for you Brianne. Okay, in your own words, what does the bright side of life mean to you?

Unknown: 1:05:53

authenticity, connection being of service, that if I can base my life on those things, and honesty, then everything else doesn't matter. That that is all that means. And to have that connection with me and another person is literally gives me so much joy, like pure joy, right? It's just the bright side of life. If I can, if I can do that for the rest of my life. I know I will live a beautiful life.

Melissa Bright: 1:06:24

Oh, yes. Thank you so so much brand very much for coming on here to share your story I greatly much appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this week's episode of the bright side of life. I am so happy to have connected with Brianne and have her on my show. When I came across her book, it really spoke to me and I wanted to talk to her. I had of course heard of being a sex addict before, but I didn't truly know all the different ways people can be sex and love addicts. Her book was extremely entertaining, but also shed a light, a lot of insight on the disease itself. I feel like people we are now as older adults or whatever age you are, we can go back to how we were raised as children and what we saw not only in our home, but also what we were exposed to kind of like Brian was talking about. And this all affects us as adults and how we handle relationships, both romantic and platonic. Brianne has done the work, a lot of the work at that and she's a great resource to hear from not only is she an addict, but now she is of service to people in recovery trying to seek help. I really hope her episode helped in some kind of way. And if you would like to check out her book or podcast those links will be in the description of this episode. And I will also drop a link to the 40 questions of self diagnosis, sex and love addicts. If you would like to check that check that out. And as always, if you know someone that may need to hear a brand story, please share it with them because we never know if this is the one that puts hope back in their heart.