Owning your sh*t. Taking ownership over your life. Krystal Jakosky's story.

Krystal Jakosky: 0:00

We're all flawed human beings, every single one of us and the beauty of that is we can give ourselves compassion and then give everyone else compassion. We don't have to be what we've been programmed to be. We're not AI, we get to change our

Melissa Bright: 0:16

welcome to The Bright Side of Life, a podcast where people share their personal stories of struggles, pain and grief. But through all of that, they are still able to find the joys in life. Hello, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of the bright side of life. I am your host Melissa bright, I do not know if this is your first time joining us here or if you have listened to every episode in which if you have, I love you very much. But if you have not yet subscribed to the podcast, please be sure to do so on your favorite listening platform so you never miss an episode. And if you just love, love, love the podcast so much. And you would like to support the show, you can do so by writing a review on the website, sharing your favorite episodes on social media and with friends and family. Or lastly, you can make donations by going to the donate page on the website. Whatever you choose to do, however you choose to support the podcast, I am very grateful. And also you can do all of that stuff right on the bright side of life. podcast.com and today I am talking to Crystal Chuck kowski. Crystal is a teacher and writer based in Colorado, helping people own their shit and take ownership of their own lives. So today is going to be a fun day. Because that's what we are going to talk about. And don't worry, we are going to preface it. Some people don't want to hear those harsh words of owning our ship. But I promise it can get you in to a different place in life. So without further ado, Crystal Welcome to the show. How are you doing this morning?

Krystal Jakosky: 2:04

I'm fantastic. Although a little bit tired. I'm not gonna lie.

Melissa Bright: 2:09

I love the honesty. I love honesty.

Krystal Jakosky: 2:12

Thanks for having me on the show. This is fun. I'm excited.

Melissa Bright: 2:15

Yeah. And since you're being honest, definitely feel the tiredness started taking my anxiety medicine again. And it like chronic fatigue. Like I know they say it can make you drowsy. Mine is like to the 10th degree. I literally was like dragging butt all day yesterday. Yeah, it kicks my butt for sure. So sometimes I don't like taking it.

Krystal Jakosky: 2:41

And I was like, wow, you know, the trade offs? The trade offs, right? We're not freaking out. But in the same aspect. I'm so tired.

Melissa Bright: 2:50

Yes, I know, you have to figure out which one you want to be. Okay. And maps only get us so far. It really does it. And I don't even think it helps me when I take medicine. I just feel even worse. So. Alright, I'm going to start by asking a little bit about your story. And I know that you have been through some things yourself, because that's how you have learned to become a teacher and teach these things yourself. How about what better way than to experience ourselves, right? So yeah, if you just want to share whatever you want to share of kind of your past and how you got to be to where you are today.

Krystal Jakosky: 3:31

Well, I'll I'll attempt to give a little bit of a Cliff's Notes version because it is a long story. But basically, so I was born in a highly religious household where religion really affected and dictated most every decision that we ever made. It was always under that cloud. And I came to believe all I needed to do was find a husband worthy, worthy, and get married and have kids and then be that submissive woman that carries the family through every hardship that's ever there, you know, and excuse me, I did that. I did that. I succeeded at finding that husband and having those two kids. But along the way I was raped, and that fed into the submissive aspect of life. And I didn't believe that I could tell anybody that I had been. I felt that I had to tell people that I had actually had sex with somebody else that it was better to have had extramarital relations than it was to have been dirtied and tainted. And so that just fed into my marriage for the next 14 years and my husband loved how submissive and serving that I was. And along the way, I let him know that it actually wasn't that I had sex. And I did that in our religious leaders, church office, I was like, You know what, I can't live with this anymore, I have to tell you and stayed with me, which made me even more submissive. Because you've got to be that submissive person, don't be yourself. Don't allow yourself to be that boisterous, joyous, whatever you have to like, every need that somebody else has, let's fill it, let's take care of it. And I did that with everyone around me. So I was constantly serving everyone else. I was constantly draining my own energy. I was constantly like, on this roller coaster of, I'm exhausted, and I need to take care of myself. But other people need stuff more. And the failure to be able to serve people enough would make me crash and cry, and then I'd get a day of respite so that I could heal. And then I dive right back into that to the point where I was diagnosed as bipolar. And was on medication, which flattened me out. I mean, I, there was no motion, I was a zombie to the point that I totaled a car while on those meds. And then my doctor ended up going on sabbatical, and I didn't know about it. And then we didn't have money to go through a new doctor to have me, like re diagnosed and then up my meds. So I decided that I wanted to go off, because I didn't like how nothing like zombie like I was. So I decided I was going to slowly wean myself off of the meds and got off of them. And magically, I was doing amazing. And had this agreement that if I was off, my husband would let me know and say, Hey, you're a little too high, or you're a little too low, which just gave him even more power, and took even more from me. And it was during this time, I threw my back out. And it was a really dark time in my marriage. And I remember just crying, sobbing not doing well. And I heard this voice. It was the first time that I ever heard my guides, and they said, you're not alone. And I had such peace in my heart in that moment of wait. This is the first time like our church talks about like the Holy Ghost, this Holy Spirit, this comforter that's gonna come and help you. And it was the first time I had literally heard it. And yet at the same time, it freaked me out because it said, we're here not. I'm here as the Holy Spirit. But we're here, which meant there was a multitude. There were more people than just one. There were watching over me and supporting me and holding me in that moment. And I was like, oh, wait a minute. That's the first time I listened to my guides. That was back in 2001 2001. So it was 21 years ago, it's the first time that I heard my higher power. My guides talking to me saying, Hey, girl, guess what? You're amazing. It's okay. Where we've got you just keep tuning in. And we'll guide you through this. And so I listened. And they led me to theater. And in theater, I found that I actually had value. I had, like, I was worth more than just a submissive wife and mother and keeping the family together of people liked me, as me and I got to be that loud, full of life. Slightly obnoxious, and yet so much fun person. It's just like, yeah, we're here. We're doing this, I'm so excited. This is fabulous. Let's just keep doing it. And because I had that gift of other people loving me and supporting me, and I was tuned in to my higher self and this multitude of spirit guides. I was like, hmm, I want to do that same thing back to other people. I wanted to help other people recognize that they had value and self worth beyond the boxes that they had been told that they had to live in, right? All of the things growing up in our childhood and our youth and our marriages, religion, everything that we're told are these little boxes that other people believe that they have to live in, and they pass those boxes to us. And we're like, really, as as we get older, we have to question Do we agree with those boxes? Maybe some people want to call it programming instead of boxes. But do we want to agree with that programming that has been downloaded to us through everyone else? Or do we want a buck against it and say, what really actually works for me? Do I want to blindly follow or do I want to do my own thing? Yep. So my kids were getting ready to get me out of the house. I bet I got I got got divorced, yay, celebrate, found a new guy who never been married, never had kids and became an amazing stepfather to my kids. And my kids were getting ready to leave the house and I was just like, oh, shit, what am I gonna do? Who am I without the kids? And I don't want to be one of those people that like, loses sight of everything, because they have this identity crisis now that all of their other responsibilities are gone. Yep. So I went to massage therapy school. And right about the time, no, I have to, right before I started massage therapy school. I didn't even know about it yet. I was sitting down in my meditation room, and I was like, okay, guides. And I knew of them. One of them was Archangel Michael said, Okay, guys. I'm very ready to know my path. And I heard this beautiful laugh as though someone was sitting with me laughing. So like a belly laugh. It was beautiful. And I was like, Okay, what's so funny? And the voice said, don't ask that question. Unless you're really ready to hear the answer. And I was like, shit. Okay, you got it. I don't think I'm ready for that right now. So I put it on the shelf. Let's leave that let's run, run away, go the other direction. And I waited six months later, I was like, no, no, no, I really want to know, what is my path? Where am I supposed to be? What's my journey? So I asked again, in that meditation, or when I sit down? And I say, Okay, no, really. I want to know my path. And again, that beautiful lap. And he says, I told you don't ask that question, unless you're really ready for the answer. And I said, No, no, no, I think I'm ready. And the next two years, I was just slammed and bombarded with these beautiful teachers. And I learned about crystal crystals. And I learned about Reiki and I learned about shamanism. And I learned all of these tools from all of these beautiful people that were just saying, no, no, no. Why don't you heal this part of you? Why don't you heal that part of you? Why don't you face the fact that you did this and heal that part of you? I cannot tell you how many healers and teachers were put in my path. And massage therapy was one of them. Yeah. And the school that I went to was, it was it was a beautiful balance between the anatomy and physiology of it, and the energetic side of it. So it just opened up even more. So I'm listening to my guides while I'm in massage therapy school, and I'm guided to the muscles that people are really complaining about it, I'm able to really help them out. And it was fantastic. I absolutely loved it. So as I'm getting ready to graduate from massage therapy school people are like, I don't know why. But I feel like I'm supposed to work with you. What do you do? And at the time, I was like, I don't do anything. I'm just, I'm in school, my kids are graduating my you know, like, I don't know, I'm just I'm me. And I think I think you have something that I'm supposed to learn. Please teach me and I was. Okay, I guess I guess though, Fine, let's do something. So that was my start of working with people and transforming their lives. And I would teach them what I had learned. And I would help them clear all of their shit like I had, and like their eyes would light up. And there was this new understanding and this new dawn and they completely changed and they were so happy and joyful and grateful. And the journey was a challenge. And yet I learned also, through working with those shamans, I learned how to make it a little bit easier. So I use a lot of guided meditations in that. And through those guided meditations, it makes it easier to deal with that and you're not necessarily reliving the trauma but you are looking at it from outside and then able to change it and shift it and it was absolutely beautiful and absolutely wonderful. So I own my shit. I went through a lot like I didn't even touch on my childhood, but other than it was a religious family. But yeah, but through going through all these challenges and all of this, this upset and pain is where then I was able to say yeah, I learned something new. I went through that. I fed into that. My learned behaviors my programming, meant that I reacted to that person this way and fed into that situation. And it meant that I reacted to that person that way. And it's empowering to understand how our background and our beliefs and our understanding is feeding into and creating what we're doing moving forward.

Melissa Bright: 15:23

Oh my gosh, so many things to say so many things to ask you. My first question, and we're gonna get to owning our shit and all that stuff. My first question to you because there I feel like I might have people on both sides like religious people listening. And then maybe not so religious people listening. So from you coming from a religious background, when you say guides, I know you said one was arching Angel, Michael, John Travolta from love, I love that movie. I know. Um, where are your guides? Are they religious? Were they religious? Are they still religious? Can you kind of explain that because I don't want people to maybe tune you out if they're like, she's talking about something that I don't believe in or whatever. So just have an open mind. So can you answer yes,

Krystal Jakosky: 16:22

yes, thank you for asking that. And thank you for letting me dive into that. Because the beautiful thing is, your guides start with you. Your guides start with, we all have a higher power, whether that's a religious higher power, or its mother earth, or it's whatever that higher power is for you, it starts there, I believe that we are all saying the same thing, just with different words, right? It's like the Holy Ghost or the comforter, or that guiding spirit or whatever works for you. We are all every religion, they're all referring to this extra, your Jiminy Cricket, your conscience. But your guides start with that. And the thing is that we all have guides, we all have these little voices, these nudges, it's like when you lost your keys, and you're walking around, you're going where are they? Where are they? Where are they and then you have this inspiration. And you're like, oh, I should check in my slipper in the closet, or I should check in the bottom of my right purse, I should check on the backseat of the car, you have this inspiration, well, those inspirations are your guides, those inspirations are actually this, this realm of helping spirits that is just waiting to help support you. And when you have a funny thought that just kind of pops into your head and you're like, Wait, where did that come from? It's them saying, Hey, how you doing? So it's not like you can you can believe that it's a very spiritual thing. Or you can believe that it's a very normal thing. That's just, they are with us all the time. And the beautiful thing is that they all just want the best for us, they can see our path, they know where we're going. They know our purest, highest potential, the possibility of who we can be and where we can go. And they're just waiting for us to tap in and say, Hey, I need a little guidance in this decision, because it's a little bit bigger than me. And I really don't know if staying where I'm at is better, or if I should make that shift. So can you help me out a little bit, they are just dying for us to say hi. And it's like a muscle. It's like when you go to the gym, and you start working out. And it gets easier and easier and easier. You just begin with one, you begin and you say hey, I just I want to tune in. And maybe you have to go to somebody to help you tune in for the first little while. But after a bit, you start being able to tune in on your own and say, so hey, I lost my keys, where are they? And they just inspire you immediately instead of having to work as hard because you've built up that muscle. So I hope I fully answered your question. It's not necessarily a religious thing. It is absolutely just this personal. Every one of us has those nudges and those inspirations and it is literally this realm of spirits that is just saying, hey, yeah, we're here.

Melissa Bright: 19:20

I love your answer. I really, really do. Because I've had several people on my podcast that will refer to it to so many different things. And so I always like to hear your own personal definition. And that really helps like I feel, whatever it is that I get my spirit, my voice whoever I want to say it always comes to me in the middle of the night like around 3am If there is something that's like really on my mind that I'm trying to solve or trying to figure out which direction it is just like a one sentence thing. And then I have my answer. And it's incredible. The one thing that I always go back to that I say is you For a long time, I have people that reach out to me all the time to be on my podcast constantly. And I am such a people pleaser that for a while, I was just saying yes to anybody and everybody, but then I was like, but then where does Melissa's vision still come in? Like, this is still her brand her podcast, she wants to have conversations with people. And all it said was, you don't have to say yes to everybody keep aligned with your vision and your message. And that's all it said. And I was like, oh, okay, thank you for that. Yeah,

Krystal Jakosky: 20:35

that's so beautiful. And it's, I love that it comes in at three o'clock in the morning, because that is the time when you are completely undisturbed. There is no other voice. I'm gonna say that in air quotes. There is no other voice talking to you, you, you're at your most receptive and it just comes in and gives you such a great little tidbit of Guess what? You get to do you? Yeah, love it.

Melissa Bright: 21:01

Oh, my gosh, it's huge. It's huge. So I love that you said that. Okay, so we're gonna define now, what does it mean to own your shit? What? In your words? What does that mean?

Krystal Jakosky: 21:17

So owning your shit is recognizing, and I and I've kind of already said this. Not so plainly. It's recognizing that your programming have feeds into and is a part of every decision, every reaction that you make. So some you're driving on the freeway, and somebody cuts you off, and you have a choice in that moment. Do you want to be pissed off and start cussing and throwing middle fingers back and forth and saying, you a hole, you just cut me off, you're in my lane, which it's not your lane, it doesn't have your name on it, you'd like you kind of paid for it, but you paid for the whole freeway through your tax dollars. So you have a choice, right? Then do you want to be pissed off and allow that to feed into the rest of your day? Or do you want to let it go and acknowledge that they're driving, I'm driving, it's just a lane, it's fine. Owning your shit is that part of this is my reaction. And I can choose how I want to be I can choose where I want to go. It also means that our past, there are a lot of things that happen in our childhood and our past during that programming. And through that programming, we end up we end up creating creating patterns, we end up creating systems, if you will, of how we're going to process and move through life. And some of those come from the trauma that we experience. The the terrible experiences, and some of them are in an unintentional experiences. It's like that little kid in the grocery store and says, Mommy, I really want this candy bar. And mom says, no, no, we don't have enough. And the next time they go to the store, they're like, but I really want this candy bar mom says no, no, we don't have enough. And suddenly, this kid watches mom and realizes we don't have enough and the kid grows up believing I don't have enough. And then they make six figures. And they still don't have enough and they can't make ends meet because they have this deep seated belief that they got from a childhood point where it's a pattern that they need to clear and they're like, I don't have enough. But if you go back and you own that, and you say, where did that come from? Why do I believe that? Why do I carry that with me? If you can clear it out, if you can heal it and then move forward. If you want to still believe you don't have enough, then you're owning that shit, right? You're owning the fact that no, I want to be there. Or you're saying no, I want to shift to this and I want to change it. And that's a gentle one. When we go through trauma, it's it's deeper, and it's more challenging. It doesn't mean that you chose into that trauma in any way shape or form, it means that you did go through that trauma, which means that you can then go back and say, that really sucked. This was horrible. And you can give yourself compassion in that moment and say, Honey, I love you. And I'm going to support you any way I can and you heal yourself. You recognize the other people in there and that everyone else is flawed and everyone else has challenges that fed into that moment. And then you can move forward saying yeah, that happened, but that does not define me that does not have to define my actions moving forward, I get to be something different. I can let that not necessarily let that go. Because you have to heal it. You have to work with it. And you have to understand that what did you learn from that moment and how can you be better in spite of it?

Melissa Bright: 24:55

Yes. I love that. I love it. I have talked me Many times on my podcast about owning my own shit. I grew up with a very, like, my father was very like, nothing you did is good enough? Why did you not sweep this? Right? Why did you not stack the firewood, right? Nothing was ever to his expectations. So I carried that with me into an adult, I get super defensive really, really quickly. I'm super sensitive, because my dad was like, so kind of mean to us. And until I got into the relationship that I am now, which has been my longest relationship I've ever had in my entire life, I really started seeing how I would react to my boyfriend. And it would just be this very quick reaction, because I thought I disappointed him. So then I'm, like, rude to him, and I snap at him. And he would call me on my bullshit. And for a while I would refuse to like, Listen. But then I actually started to listen to him, because he didn't do it in a demeaning way and say, You're a bitch. And you're and you're being like, he didn't do it that way. And I think that's why I actually listen, because that's not constructive. And he was right. Like, I was not reacting in the way that I should have. He didn't say it rudely or mean. And that was finally like, now when stuff comes up, and I start to feel this way, I will immediately say, Why am I feeling this way? This really doesn't have anything to do with Brandon, it has way to do back 25 years ago, when my dad was doing this. Yeah, that's kind of owning our shit. But we don't have to be ashamed of it. And that's one thing I definitely want to note about this is you don't need to have shame around this. Like, owning your shit does not mean you need to be shameful, like, stuff happened to us guys. But it is going to program us to be the way that we are now. And sometimes we need to maybe change.

Krystal Jakosky: 27:07

Yeah. And that is a fabulous. I love your example. Because that is exactly how it comes in, especially in our relationships. And I love the I love the communication that you guys have that you've been able to build up and congratulations on being with him for so long and being willing, like willing and able and vulnerable enough to grow and see what that thing is. My husband and I do the same thing. He'll be like, a little bit arable, and he'll start picking on me and I'm like, Dude, that's not mine. That's yours, I'm gonna let you own it. And when you're ready, let's chat about it. What's going on? And how can I support you? Or I'll do I'll be like, you know, I just, I'm really tired or cranky, or this or that. And I'm trying to understand why. Because they'll ask me, Honey, how are you? And I'll say I'm fine. And okay, great. How are you really what's going on, like a dozen other things out there. And I'm like, I just, I'm this and this and this and this that I don't know why. And I'm really frustrated. And I don't want to take it out on you. Because I know that it's not you. It's my own shit. I got to figure it out. So just give me a minute, and then we'll come back to it. So yeah, it comes into play in every single relationship we have it comes out at work, because if you're not your own boss, or if, if you're not your own boss, then there's this subservient. Am I good enough for the power figure that I'm dealing with, because that power figure can feel very much subconsciously like a parent, right? I need to please you, I need to make sure that you're happy with me, I need to make sure that I'm accepted and that I enough quote unquote, yep. And if you are the boss, then you're taking on that role. And you may be treating people the way that you are treated, the way that was modeled to you is the way to be a leader, which may or may not be a healthy way to be a leader and yet it comes out and you're treating people a certain way. Because of your shit because of the stuff that you're carrying around. We are all flawed human beings, every single one of us. And the beauty of that is we can give ourselves compassion and then give everyone else compassion. We don't have to be what we've been programmed to be. We're not AI we get to change our

Melissa Bright: 29:27

oh my gosh, I love that. And something that I really struggled with for a long time was giving compassion to my boyfriend. Like in some areas, I could do it totally fine in other areas. Like if he I always go to the dishes one but he's not even that bad at it. But let's just use that as an example. Like I will have no compassion of why he can't put the dish in the sink. But yet my shit is strung all over the bedroom or something. And it's like, finally I realized no, that's Melissa. You're doing The same thing, just not with dishes. And you can always take that deeper with however much you want to have compassion. And something that I've realized is a lot of times like when we're upset with another person, it's usually a reflection of stuff that we haven't dealt with ourself. Am I saying that right?

Krystal Jakosky: 30:22

Yeah. Yeah. Your relationship with others is merely a real, it's, it's merely a mirror of the relationship you have with yourself. So everything that's going out, everything that's being shown out, is actually what's within. So like, if you're insecure with other people, it's really because you're insecure in your own skin. And you're like, there's something off there's something.

Melissa Bright: 30:46

Yeah. Yeah. It's better than I did.

Krystal Jakosky: 30:49

Yeah, it's the mirror concept. Everything that you're putting out is coming right back. And if you want respect, you have to give respect. If you want compassion, you have to give compassion, especially to yourself. Yeah, yeah.

Melissa Bright: 31:00

I love that. Okay, so what, then this might be an obvious answer, but let's answer it, what blocks people from healing, thank you to better help for being our sponsor, if you guys think you might need to see a therapist better help is amazing. They are online, you can do it from the comfort of your own home, you have the options to message them, you can do a phone call, you can do a video chat, whatever you feel comfortable with doing, they have several different types of therapists, if you need couples, or for marriage and family therapy, it's also available to individuals worldwide, better help is a monthly subscription. So you're not paying per session, and financial aid is available for those who qualify. So visit better help.com/bright side of life, that's better help.com/bright side of life, join over 500,000 people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. And for your first month, you're going to receive 10% off by being a listener of the bright side of life. So let them know that I sent you by using the link betterhelp.com forward slash Bright Side of Life, the link will also be in the description section of this episode.

Krystal Jakosky: 32:19

Sometimes we don't know, sometimes we are completely unaware of what it is that's blocking us we have we are completely unaware of the wound. That is there were completely unaware of our actions towards other people. So this is where the awareness aspect of life comes in. And once you start looking, you'll see it all the time. Once you start paying attention to your interactions, you'll recognize it more and, and that can be just paying attention to your actions. Maybe you're a journal or you can go back through your journaling thing, your your journaling entries and say, Where have I, you know, let's just let's just read through these and see if there's a pattern, oh, I'm constantly blaming people for this, or I'm constantly upset about this, I can see there's a pattern there or in your day to day life, maybe you just pay attention to your emotions, or how you react to things. We don't necessarily know until we start looking at it, you have to be willing, you have to be willing to start looking because it's scary. We have created that pattern to protect ourselves, we have created that pattern to avoid the pain that would come if we didn't have that if we didn't have that behavior. So once you start paying attention, once you become a little bit more aware, then you have the next possibility, which is to look a little bit deeper. Where did that come from? Why do I do that? And then do I want to change it? Because just because you recognize that it's there doesn't mean that you actually want to change the behavior. You may find something and say, No, I'm fine being that way. I am absolutely fine. Owning that one and saying, Yeah, I'm that way, because I'm not going to let anybody else take advantage of me because ABC XYZ, right. But that's still in the awareness that's still recognizing and you give yourself permission that goes back to the mirror, you're starting to give yourself permission to be you in who you are because you're owning your shit which means that then you're mirroring back to everyone else. You have every right to be who you are and how you are. As long as you're owning your shit. I'm not getting I have to be clear, I am not giving permission to anybody to just be a douchebag or an asshole. I am not giving permission anyone to be a bitch and just say it's who I am. I'm at permission to be me. No, that is, that is giving yourself permission to hurt others, if you are not looking at the depth of who you are, if you are not finding compassion and understanding, you are not embodying the entire thing, which is owning yourself and working on yourself first, before you start pointing fingers, and telling other people that they need to do it. Yeah, change comes from within.

Melissa Bright: 35:32

Oh, my gosh, I love it. I just want to say preach, preach. And, and one of the biggest things that I definitely want people to know is, when you do go to these depths, and you find out shit that's not so great about you and these qualities that you might have. Have compassion for yourself, this doesn't make you a terrible or a bad person. Once again, we can't say it enough. This is because of how we were raised our experiences. That doesn't mean we get to blame other people. We do have to own it. Because that's, that's how you're going to grow. But that was one thing that I needed to realize, like, just because I do react, and I am sensitive. I'm not going to say Oh, I'm a bad person, because I'm sensitive. I just need to shine the light on it and say, Okay, well, I'm a sensitive person. But that doesn't mean I get to react and in meanness or however I would. So a lot of compassion has to come when you're when you're doing all this stuff. Also.

Krystal Jakosky: 36:36

Yeah, I was recently dealing with a lot of social anxiety, which was a completely new experience for me, I've never dealt with it before. I've I was a little kid, I was very outgoing. And I just loved everyone. And I never questioned myself, I just enjoyed connecting with people and having those relationships. And recently, like starting in January, I had COVID. And then all of a sudden, every interaction I had, I was questioning and I was like, what's going on? What am I doing? And I promise this is going to come right back to owning it. It's not a side tangent, I promise. Well, I mean, it kind of is, but yeah, so So I'm dealing with this, right? I'm dealing with social anxiety, I have a conversation with somebody. And when I leave that conversation, I'm totally questioning myself. What have I done? Did I say something wrong? Was I talking about myself too much? Was I not compassionate enough? Did I you know, like, questioning, what do I have to fix I'm sure that there's something I gotta fix, because I'm sure that I offended them in some way, shape, or form. And really just, it was tearing me apart. It was so difficult. And it's been in the beginning, it was traumatic, because I didn't know where that was coming from. And why was I so insecure, and now I'm working with it, right? I'm owning my shit. And, and I talked to my sister in law, and I was telling her about it. And she brought clarity and understanding to me, and she said, You know, it's one of those parts of us. It's one of those sides that we don't like, right, you found a new issue. And the natural reaction is to push it down and hide it. But when you push it down and hide it, it squashes it, and it just grows and gets bigger in the darkness. Because it's anxiety, right? It likes to hide and it likes to kind of sneak up on you. So she said when you start embracing the anxiety and saying, Yeah, I have that. And that's okay. Yeah, you're a part of me, I see that you're a part of me. It means that instead of growing, I can now look at it and go, Oh, yeah, that's my anxiety part. Hey, buddy. And you give it a little pat on the head and you say, yep, you are absolutely a part of me. And because I recognize that, that's you, I'm not going to get as anxious the next time. Now I've shined the light into the corner. And the boogey man happens to be this tiny little scared girl, right instead of this gigantic monster that's hiding under the bed or whatnot. So I shine a flashlight, and now she's not so big. And she just is this little girl looking for a little bit of acceptance. And I get to say, Yeah, I see you. I'm going to accept you as a part of me because you are a part of me, instead of squashing you down. And then the next time that I'm dealing with somebody instead of freaking out, as I walked back, and then start texting them, I'm so sorry, if I offended you, I'm so sorry. If I you know, instead of jumping off that cliff of insecurity, I'm able to go, it's okay. You're okay. Things are fine. It's part of that. owning it, you recognize a piece of you, you see that it's there. You see how it's affecting you how it's affecting other people. And then you figure out, how can I live with this? How can I acknowledge that that's there and that I'm working with it? And then to move forward, what do I want to shift and make a better?

Melissa Bright: 40:05

Guess? Oh my gosh, that's totally huge. That's, it's amazing that you said that and like you said you, you had to recognize it and just be okay with it, see it, Say what's up to it, because that's what we do in life all the time. Like, when we're scared of something, we just cannot accept the fact that we're scared, we are going to be scared doing so many things. There is not, you're not just supposed to be without fear. Fear is actually a great guide, because it means that you care, some care about something so much, and you really want to get to this other place. We just can't have fear. Not let us do keep us back from it. So if you actually like recognize and be like, Yeah, I'm scared of shit. But I'm not going to stop myself just because it is. Yeah, you recognize that you are scared instead of being like, I'm not scared, all rich talking about, right? Because I would call bullshit on that really quick. Milk? You might want to own that. Yeah, exactly. Okay. So I have been recently talking to a friend that is currently going through a lot of I don't want to say issues. But she, okay, I'm going to read to you what she read to me. And I'm not going to say who this friend is. She knows who she is. And I told her that I was going to do this because I want to try to help her a lot. But I'll just say what she says. And then you can kind of give me what you think. I have a friend that says when I don't have someone telling me what to do or how to be, I just become nothing. Her motivation. And her motivation. And validation comes from the outside world. And if she doesn't have someone praising or validating her, she doesn't have reasons to do anything. She has been this way all of her life from her parents telling her she has to be perfect, she has to hide her emotion, she can't cry, she cannot be weak. And she literally has just this mould, she gives everybody the permission to tell her how to be and I so badly want to help her. She won't she won't even like leave the house. She just has terrible, terrible anxiety that. So what what are your thoughts?

Krystal Jakosky: 42:25

Well, my first thought is that, that she's so totally. First off, I love her. And I just want to send her tons of like compassion and understanding because I'm sure that she's not the only one that's in that space. There are a lot of us that live in the approval of others. It is absolutely a human nature to need approval and compassion and connection from other people. So first off, Part of that's normal, a part of that is normal, and everybody deals with that on some level. The other thing is that it tell everyone, you need to tune into your own voice. You need to find your own voice, and you need to tune out the other voices. Society is going to tell us that you have to live this way, you have to live that way. And if you yourself, don't know where you want to be, then you are just a product of society and going willy nilly. And there's an amazing shift and amazing power that comes from recognizing that you are a valid, worthy, beautiful human being just as you are, I would encourage her to find ways to find some self love, I would encourage her to find a trusted source that she can talk to whether that's talk therapy, like a regular therapist that can help her through some of that stuff and help her find her own voice. It's about letting go of other expectations and finding your own expectations of self. She's listening to she really has that I've got to own my shit. And she may or may not want to recognize that because when you've lived in that kind of a pattern for so long, it's really hard to find a new way of being it's really hard to say no, I'm going to make my own choices for today. So maybe it's I'm going to make my own choices this morning, or just this moment. And it's baby steps saying what do I personally want tuning into self and saying, Where do I want to go? What sounds fun, what sounds enjoyable in this moment and how Can I move forward there, but it's the little tiny steps. And it's finding the help that you need to be able to unpack that baggage. Because it's like digging out a weed. This, it's like digging out a weed, there's, there's a weed, but there's all of these roots with it, right. And if you don't dig out that entire root ball, if you leave even one little strand, that weed is just going to come back, and it's going to rear its ugly head, and you're going to have to try to pull it again, and you're revisiting that same thing over and over again. So you need a little help making sure that you get all of the routes. And oftentimes, we have a hard time doing that by ourselves. So we need a little assistance from whoever it is that works for you. And however, you can get that help to just dig a little bit further, you know, you go flit around everything, so that you can get every bit of that root out and move forward in your own steps instead of the learned programming you've been given?

Melissa Bright: 46:07

Yeah. Oh, my gosh, I love that you said that. I told a lot. I told her a lot of this already. My biggest thing that I want to help people with is giving them actual tools and actual like, tips, and what does that look like in everyday life? You know, because that's what we're dealing with everyday. Like, we were dealing with single moments, and like, how did you handle that situation in the single moment. And I was definitely a lot like her I sought approval from, I don't want to say everybody, but it was people that I highly valued, like my boyfriend or my friends and family. And when they weren't okay, with my decision that I would question myself, especially coming from somebody that doesn't have parents now anymore at all. Now, I do need for like, I can't go to my parents. So now I have to ask other people. Were finally, with all my healing and all the work I've done. I have gotten okay with like, why in the fuck, pardon my language? Am I going to go and ask the outside world? What the hell Melissa wants to eat for lunch? Take any example you want and throw that in there. But why are you going to go ask the world? What I want? I know what I want. And if you don't just sit with it, and it will come to you. And we don't need approval from other people?

Krystal Jakosky: 47:35

No, no, I mean, we we do a little bit because that's human nature. But largely, we shouldn't be looking to other people to make those decisions for us. What am I going to wear today? What am I going to do today? In the same aspect, there's this concept that too many choices freezes us into? Yeah, fear and uncertainty, too many choices actually makes us unhappy. So. So if you're one of those people that wants to start making your own choices, but you don't know how to make those choices, maybe you minimize your choices. Yeah, maybe you reduce the number of the color of clothes in your, in your closet, and you say, You know what, I'm just gonna stick with this. And this because it's easier to say I'm going to wear that than it is to, to face the entire closet going, oh my gosh, what am I going to wear today? And you stress out? Or maybe you minimize the my husband and I do five to one. So for dinner, if we're going to go out to dinner, he'll say, Well, where do you want to go? And I'll say, I don't know. What do you want to go? And he'll say, Okay, here we go. And he'll look up five restaurants and he'll say, do you want American? Do you want burger? Do you want like burgers? Do you want pizza? Do you want Indian, Chinese or Mexican? And I'll say well, not really no burgers, and no Chinese. That takes it down to three. So I'll get rid of rid of one more, and I'll go okay, well, out of those two, I want a B and we'll go eat Indian. But it's, we reduce the amount of choices and it's easier to make that choice, it's easier to make that decision for breakfast. If you're someone who's like struggling to start to make your own decisions. Maybe instead of having a like five cereals, you only have one or two cereals. Or instead of having like eggs and bacon and sausage and pancakes and all these options. You're like, no, no, I'm just gonna go with eggs and toast or I'm just gonna you know, you minimize that you reduce it. So it's not so big. And yet it's just that one choice at a time instead of looking at the whole day and going oh my gosh, I've got to spend a day making my own choices. No, you don't. You're gonna spend this moment making this choice. This one right here. And then when that one's done, we'll see what comes up. When it's little tiny steps. It's one moment. One. Just one decision at a time.

Melissa Bright: 49:56

Yep. Yep. I'm glad that I I was right. And that because like, I want to start helping people with this a lot. And she's, I don't want to say she's my guinea pig. But she's reached out to me a lot. And I actually want to be able to help her like, It upsets me that I know that there is a girl out there struggling so much with this and not making decisions for herself and getting because I have been that person. And it's been a lot of work, as you know, to get comfortable with us. And I'm going to share a story with you really quick that I was just in Mexico for five days from last Monday to Saturday with my boyfriend. And prior to going, I only had one thing that I said I was not going to do to myself. And that was picking apart my body. Every time I put on a swimsuit, I was not going to spend the energy to do that when normally I would. And then I would spend the energy probably comparing myself to a couple other women, whatever they had that I wanted, and I made that decision, and I stuck to it, I put on my swimsuit. And as soon as like a thought, I'm like, whatever, get away from the mirror. But then, through this journey through being in Mexico, also there were other things that I just started doing and not doing. I started going with the flow. I did not stress about stuff. I know you're like in paradise, like what can you stress about but they're still like, where are we going to get the five places for dinner, or we have to make sure we get our transfers or COVID test. I was so go with the flow. I was just me. I danced at the entertainment. I did not care what anybody thought about me. This was not liquid courage, like yes, I was drinking. But this was a different Melissa. And I felt different. And my boyfriend saw that I was different. He noticed it in me. And I literally said like Melissa 2.0 is here. And it happened in Mexico. And I didn't need him to validate me in any way to be like, does this look good? Or? I? I was okay with every decision that I made. And that's fucking awesome.

Krystal Jakosky: 52:09

Yeah, yeah. Part of that is because you had removed yourself from the daily expectations you had removed yourself from the society that you'd normally surround yourself with, which meant that you had the freedom to just be you and allow that you to come out, which is absolutely beautiful. And that is why I personally end up taking vacations for that exact reason. Yeah, I, my husband and I go to this house that we have in California, and that is my place to just be like, I get to be me. There's no weight on my shoulders, there's no expectation. And I highly encourage everybody, you can create that in your own space as well. You can have this one sacred space where it's like, I just get to be me or I'm just going to do this for a while but but tuning into that true you tuning into that. I love life. And I love being here, and I'm just gonna dive in and have a great time is so freeing and amazing. I really love that you had that experience and that it was like, yep, 2.0 baby. We just got a download. We just got to Yeah, we're reprogrammed. Yeah.

Melissa Bright: 53:22

And it was awesome. And I even said to my boyfriend, like, I was like, have you noticed anything about and he's like, Oh my God. Yes. Like I've noticed in my confidence was different. Like he always tells me like how he knows I was really insecure about things. And he have like, What man doesn't like a confident woman, woman, right? And he would always tell me and I'm like, God, I want to be that person. Man, I ever gonna get to be that person for him and Mexico. I just was like, a good example. I can give like, he is not wanting to disrespect me and go look at other women. He's never been that way. But even if his eyes would maybe go that direction, I usually could maybe be insecure. I was so confident in Mexico that like he was he was always looking at me. It was like, Who is this girlfriend? Like, I am loving this. And I'm telling you, it helped our relationship a lot. I won't go into the details. But it was great. Yeah, it was great. So I'm saying there are many many bonuses whenever you can get to be this this new like person and yeah, on your shirt and all that fun stuff.

Krystal Jakosky: 54:29

Permission to be you always and in all the ways Yeah.

Melissa Bright: 54:34

Yeah, yeah. Um, something I also wanted to ask you because I know in your blog, I read about your five fundamental truths. And I kind of want to talk about can you just talk about like, first of all, what that meant for you and what those were, I don't know if you remember him.

Krystal Jakosky: 54:52

You know, that was kind of jumping back to your inspiration from your guides at three o'clock in the morning saying, Do Melissa, you know, be in tune with you, and follow where your heart fills, you need to be my business, my podcast, everything I have worked to just be true to me. And I've recognized that being true to me also means that I have to be a little bit vulnerable, because people connect with people that they know have kind of gone through the same experiences and challenges that they have been through. And I was giving as much as I felt safe giving, and showing as much as I felt safe showing. And my team was like, Crystal, we want you to be more vulnerable. And do you realize what be more vulnerable? What you're asking like that's, that's a big ask, that is a huge ask to ask from somebody who has been through a lot, you know, because we work really hard to hide those vulnerabilities, we work really hard to be strong. And when somebody says be vulnerable, there's this fear in our brain that says, You mean, you want me to act like that you want me to be that person? No, I don't want to be that person. That's why I healed it and moved forward. Or maybe some of it's still shoved under a rug, because you're telling me to be vulnerable has triggered something and I might need to go fix it, I might need to own some shit in that one. So they kept saying be more vulnerable. And I was not thrilled with having tea with vulnerability. She's a tough guest to please. And yet, I also recognized that perhaps there was healing in this moment. So they asked me to write down five things that I had learned on my journey. And I don't remember all of them. I do know that one of them. You do, oh my gosh,

Melissa Bright: 57:03

they say what you know, and then I'll pull, pull it up,

Krystal Jakosky: 57:05

you'll pull the other ones. One of them I can tell you. I'm a fast learner, and a good teacher. And that's because I learned a lot through my childhood. And I grasp things really quick. I never really studied, I was a CD student, BC student, my parents weren't happy with that they wanted me to be an A student, but I never studied, I just encouraged me to study hard lessons in life, whether it be school, or learning how to heal myself, I'm really good at grasping that. And expanding on that and learning from that. And so that means that because I've learned I'm also good at teaching it. I'm also good at helping other people understand how to apply those tools and improve themselves. So I'm a fast learner, and I'm a good teacher. And because I've been through that stuff, personally, it means that I am able to connect with you and say, hey, I can honestly tell you, I get it. I've been there, I know that I've experienced it. Another one is that I pardon me, I give a lot to other people. And I need to learn how to give to myself. I was trusted sources, I was programmed to believe that I was a giver, and taker and that I are sorry, not that a giver, I was a taker, and that I never gave back to other people that I was constantly taking, taking, taking. And from that I learned that I had to start giving because I didn't want to be a taker, I didn't want to be this person that I had been taught taught to believe that I was. So I started giving to other people but I I started getting to the point where it was detrimental to myself and I lost myself in that and failed to take care of myself. And so now I recognize that I have to give just as much to myself as I give to everyone else. It's that mirror that relationship with yourself. Right? So I learned that self care is paramount. I'm a finite resource. There's only so much of me to go around. And if I keep giving it all out, who's going to fill me who's going to fill my needs and my wants and my desires and if I don't speak up, nobody else is going to know because we haven't mastered telekinesis yet. We do not read each other's minds. We do not have the ability to know Oh, she just needs a hug right now, you know, right? We just don't know that. So I learned that I give a lot to other people and I needed to learn how to give just as much to myself. I learned that I'm a survivor because I've been through so much stuff you And I've made it. And everyone that's out there has made it, you've made it to this point, you are a survivor, because you've made it here. I went through all of that. And then I decided to start recognizing what it was and start shifting that so that I didn't have to use it as a weight to hold me down anymore. I get to be this happy, vibrant, full of life person that shows up in life and is more than happy, ready, willing and able to help other people do the same. Those are the three that I remember off the top of my head

Melissa Bright: 1:00:36

control, you learn to like, oh, role

Krystal Jakosky: 1:00:41

control, control, control, let me tell you, I was I was a happy, boisterous little kid, my parents didn't know how to control me. So it came out in very unhealthy ways. They're trying to control me. Then my parents got divorced when I was eight years old. And their lives were even more uncontrollable, which meant that they tried to control me even more, which meant that I acted even wilder. And like it was just this horrible cycle, it was not a good cycle, because they needed control. And I needed love. And I didn't want control and I want it you know, I wanted to move up. So it was this vicious cycle that just kept going. And then I get married and that need for control that my parents had and instilled on me it has now transferred to me. And now I'm a wife and a mother. And I'm trying to control my surroundings. And yet I can't because I have lost my entire identity. And I it was ruining my marriage to like my, my need for control, my inner struggle was feeding into the marital demise as much as everything else that was going into it. And at one point, I became a germaphobe. Like, I couldn't, I couldn't use a toilet anywhere except the master bedroom bathroom in my own house. And I'm the one that cleaned the house. I couldn't use any other toilet, I only had to use when I could not share a glass with anybody if I had a drink. And I didn't drink liquor. But if I had like a shirt or something and somebody drinks, some of it, if you drink out of my straw, or from the rim of my glass, I was done. I couldn't drink any more. Don't take a bite off my plate don't like I was it was it was not good. And I got counseling I fabulous counselor, thank you. I just he was fantastic. And I I will forever owe him regretted data, debt of gratitude. Flip that in my heart for how much he helped me see, but got over that I recognize that I had to let go of a little bit of control, because that need for control was actually suffocating myself. And it was suffocating the people that I was around, because I needed that I really needed that. So I let go of control. Now that one I've let go. There have been times where I've let go of too much control kind of like your friend where I it got to the point where other people had to make choices for me. And then that's not healthy either. There's absolutely a balance on that one where you have to be able to say, Yes, I control these things. And I let go of all of those things. Because if I hold on to those, I'm not going to make it I'm just not going to make it. So I found a way to let go of control. I let go too far. And my life was not my own. And then I pulled some of that back. And now I'm in a really good balance where I'm able to say, yeah, so this is good. I can control that. And then I can let other things go so I had to learn how to let go of control so that I could have healthy relationships instead of expecting somebody else to do this, this this and this and then being upset that they didn't do it because I needed to control them. I was able to say you to you. Yep, I'll do me.

Melissa Bright: 1:03:51

Yeah. So important. Did we do all 590? That's

Krystal Jakosky: 1:03:55

for all right. We got my emotions, the last ones emotions are all incompetence. Yes. Yeah, my emotions are like, Oh my gosh, you guys did you know we have emotions and you know that they are completely 100% valid? And did you know that your emotions are telling you something about the situation that you're in like, that situation may bring you unbelievable joy, that situation may bring you fear, it may bring you sadness, it may bring you pain. Your emotions are telling you something my emotions are all encompassing and overwhelming. I'm a cancer. And that means that I wear them on my sleeve. You know if I'm excited, you know, if I am really struggling, you can you can almost see the cloud over my head when I'm really ruminating on something that's unpleasant and really need to get out of it. But in that so I was told as a kid hide that Nobody wants to see you super happy, that's obnoxious. That is too much and overwhelming. Nobody wants to see you sad because it's an ugly thing. And it's it brings everybody around you down. Nobody wants to see you angry, take that somewhere else. Nobody like, like I was told to squash them forever and ever, never, never never. Which meant that, because I was trying to squash them, they came out bigger and brighter than ever. Just like, just like that social anxiety, right? You're pushing it down, and it just gets bigger. And so now I've learned, yeah, I have those. And they are beautiful. And I can embrace them. And they are telling me something. So when I'm angry, I stop and I ask, anger is a cover emotion. Anger is hiding whatever's underneath it, right. So I'm like, Okay, what is going on here? Oh, I'm scared. Why am I scared? Oh, because in the past, this is what's happened. And I'm afraid that that's going to happen right now. So now I'm going to be able to verbalize to whoever I'm with, you know what? Fears being triggered for me right now. And it's because of something I've done in the past. And I'm afraid that this is going to happen. So if we could talk about that, then I'd be in a much better place. Emotions are fantastic. Emotions are a gift that we all have. And so once I learned that they're okay to have. And once I learned how to check in with them and see where I'm at. Life is just amazing. Life is fantastic. Because of that. So the fifth one emotions, yeah,

Melissa Bright: 1:06:39

yeah. i Oh, my gosh, it's amazing. It's amazing. And I've already told my friend about them. Because I want her to be able to find her truths about herself. So maybe that can guide her so she like knows, like, This is who I am. And these are my truths about myself that I know for sure that nobody can make me question them. I know where I'm going on that. Yeah, for ghosts,

Krystal Jakosky: 1:07:02

again, in owning our shit, we talked about how that means that you can't blame other people. But owning our shit also means that we don't take other people's stuff on. It's really easy for us to say, I'm me, and I've got this. And when somebody else is upset when somebody else is angry, when somebody else is irritated, and they are dealing with their shit, it's often times that we ourselves go, Oh my gosh, what's wrong with me because they're that way, and we try to take on their emotion, we try to take on their shit so that they're better. The problem is that then we're suffering from their shit. And we're taking on that extra weight. And we don't need to carry it around. Because we have enough weight at it is part of the beauty of owning our own shit is just the fact that we know what's our own, and we know what's not. And we can say, hey, I would love to help you. And I want to encourage you, and I really support you in finding the help that you need. If I can help you because I can give that to you, then that's fantastic. And yet, then we don't have to carry. We don't have to be yoked with them in that that way. Because that's not healthy for us either. Right? owning our own, and not everything around us.

Melissa Bright: 1:08:20

I love that. I love that. I want to what is the word I'm trying to say? Say something about whenever you said like when you get angry, and then you wanted to go deeper with it. I've seen so many times when I get angry that it's really not anger. It's because I'm scared of something. Like I get super overwhelmed with sometimes my schedule because I'm trying to do 5000 things at once. And so I get angry, I get stressed. And then I asked myself, Why am I this way? Well, I'm this way because I'm scared. I'm not going to keep all these promises I made to myself and then I'm going to fail and then bla bla bla bla bla like, it always comes down to usually anger is fear. Like that's what it usually is. Which helps me understand. I'm like, Oh, that makes sense. Yep. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, so I have just a couple more questions for you. But I wanted to ask you, is there anything right now that you are doing? I want people to be able to connect with you if they love everything that you're saying. So do you have any courses or anything that you are doing right now?

Krystal Jakosky: 1:09:22

Yes. And the one that we're so happy and proud of? It's just great. It's online. It's called Intro to you. And this course brings you in touch with your higher self with those spirit guides that are just waiting to help you but it introduces you also to your other three bodies. You have four bodies, you've got your mental, you've got your physical, you've got your spiritual and you've got your emotional and every one of those bodies need something different. They all need a little bit of self care you've if you need spiritual self care, then that might be going to church that might be going for a hike in the woods, whatever but this course teaches you more about out yourself. And it helps you get in tune with yourself so that you can move forward. It helps you find your own voice by tuning out all of the other voices that are out there. And there's a lot of guided meditation in it and a lot of journaling courses. So for everyone that's listening for all of your fabulous, wonderful listeners, we're offering 10% off on that course, if you go to Crystal jakosky.com and in the intro to your course, just using the coupon code Brightside.

Melissa Bright: 1:10:29

I love it. I love it. Thank you so much for doing that. For my, for my listeners, I greatly greatly appreciate that. And you just said the website? Can you say it again?

Krystal Jakosky: 1:10:40

Yeah, it's crystal g kowski.com. That's me. Just look me up.

Melissa Bright: 1:10:45

Perfect, perfect. And I'll also put a link on in the show notes. So you guys can go straight to that. I just have one last question for you, Crystal. And I asked all my guests this. In your own words, what does the bright side of life mean to you?

Krystal Jakosky: 1:11:04

The Bright Side of Life, to me is other than sunshine and rainbows and sunflowers, it's literally just owning me. It's giving myself permission to be me to be open to experience everything. And its fullness and understand where I'm at and what I'm doing. It's those connections with humans that are so life would not be live without being able to connect with people like you, Melissa and all of our friends. It's just like, those connections in a real honest, authentic space. That's the bright side for me.

Melissa Bright: 1:11:46

I love it. That was beautiful. I love hearing everybody's different interpretations of what that means. It's, it's beautiful. And they're usually like they're so unique to like those people's experiences and like what they value so much. So I love that. Crystal, thank you so much for taking the time today to come and share all of your knowledge. It was amazing having you.

Krystal Jakosky: 1:12:07

Thank you so much for chatting with me. This has been absolutely fantastic. I really appreciate it, Melissa.

Melissa Bright: 1:12:12

Yes, absolutely. Thank you guys for listening to this week's episode of The Bright Side of Life. Well, I'm going to ask the question, how do we feel now about owning our shit? I feel because I have experienced this before. It is a path to freedom. And it is a path to giving yourself compassion, and just understanding yourself more. So I am a huge fan of owning our shit. And like I said this is not to go back and to be shameful for what has happened to you how you have acted in the past, things like that. It's just becoming aware and knowing that if there are things that we need to change, then let's change them and I promise you, it will only help relationships within yourself a relationship within yourself and then also relationships with family, friends, partners, whomever it is so I greatly greatly hope that this episode was helpful to you guys. And as always, if you know anyone that may need to hear crystal story, please share this episode with them because we never know if this is the one that puts hope back in their heart.