How We Can Show Up as Our True Selves.

Welcome to The Bright Side of Life, a podcast where people share their personal stories of struggles, pain and grief. But through all of that, they are still able to find the joys in life. Hello, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of the bright side of life. I am your host, of course, Melissa bright. And today we are doing a another solo episode. Just me, myself and I talking today, what am I going to talk about today? I am going to talk about ways that we can show up as our true, authentic selves. And I want to elaborate. I hope that's the word Yeah, I want to go in that a little bit more deeper. And explain this. So if you follow me on social media, whether you're my friend on Facebook, or Instagram, those are the two that I'm referring to mainly, I was just on vacation with my boyfriend in Mexico last week. And I was a different person in Mexico. And I'm going to basically go through and tell you all the ways that I was different. And what that looks like, I am a very big believer, or advocate, whatever word you want to use. And like, when you hear about people saying these words like showing up authentically, how how did you become a better version of yourself? How did you become Melissa 2.0? You're like, What the hell does that mean? And what does that even looked like? Like, I need to know exactly what you did. I also like to call them tools. What tools did I use? You know, let's say something if I was dealing with anxiety, what exact tools did you use that I pulled out of my toolkit to be able to do this? So that's what we're talking about today, we are talking about showing up as our true selves. Yeah, I think that's I think that's what I want to say. Okay, so my story begins. If you have been listening to my podcast for a while, you know that I have been on quite a big healing journey. The last two years, once I started therapy after I lost my mom, and then I lost my dad, I've been on this big healing journey, right. And that has truly, truly helped with this process of getting to a different Melissa. And so with that journey, came a lot of things, it one of the biggest things was becoming self aware of a lot of my own bullshit that I was sick of. And that in itself is huge. Becoming aware of like awareness is the first step of changing right there, you first have to you first have to recognize not that there's necessarily a problem, but you have to recognize that maybe I could do something different, or I could be better, I could not react this way, so on and so forth. So one of my worst qualities about myself, I would say before my healing journey, is that I was very, very, very, very sensitive to criticism from people that I loved, and I really, really valued their opinion. So for example, my boyfriend, I love him, and I value his opinion, I want him to think highly of me. So if there was ever a time that he would suggest something, or say something, I would get defensive because I would I would feel like my way wasn't good enough or something, whatever, whatever we can get sensitive about right think of it. That's what I did. And that was probably one of my biggest issues. And I would overreact if I thought that I disappointed somebody, so on and so forth. Okay. So this trip to Mexico has been planned. And I did not go into this trip saying, I'm going to be a new Melissa, I'm going to do this. I'm not going to do that. There was no set rules, okay. I actually I'm lying. I made one rule to myself. And that rule I told myself was and I'm going to start talking about body image and body weight just for anybody This might be a sensitive subject, I know that I have gained weight, I was supposed to be doing this whole working out thing. And, and I have been, but I'm also freaking crazy busy. And sometimes I, my work overtakes me working out. And that is, I know that and I'm aware of that. So I wasn't necessarily at the weight that I wanted to be whenever I went to Mexico because I've had this trip planned for a long time. But I also told myself that I was not going to spend my five days in freaking paradise, picking apart my body and what I didn't like, because I was in Paradise, and I don't get that opportunity to be in paradise a lot. And I wasn't going to let me thinking bad things about myself steal my joy, while on vacation. So that was a promise that I made to myself, you know, when I would put on my swimsuit, I wasn't going to say, Oh, look at this. I don't like this little roll here. I don't like the way my legs look, I don't. I promised myself I wasn't going to do it. And I was just going to be Melissa. Okay, so that was a promise that I did make to myself. And that was huge. And once I got to the trip, it was just an attitude change for myself. And so I'm going to say ways that I showed up differently. And I'm going to kind of go through them and talk about them. And the very first one I said, I didn't pick apart my body. I wasn't sitting here looking at other women saying oh my God, I wish I had that. I wish I had that P Oh my god, she has such great a better boobs, and whatever it was, I wasn't going to fucking spend my time doing that. So I didn't, oh, my God is so much better to live life that way. Not comparing yourself to people and just freaking enjoying your drinks and whatever it is that you want to enjoy not doing that so much better. And another way that I showed up as a different person was I did not make myself smaller to fit in. I mean this in every sense of the word. I am six feet tall, okay, I am a taller woman. I did not sit down to make myself shorter, to not stand out. Or my personality I didn't quiet down to fit in. I was the outgoing Melissa, that I usually am. But I've always wanted to be even more. So. This did not have to do with the alcohol that I was drinking. It wasn't like, oh, Melissa has liquid courage now she's gonna go be this this bigger personality person. It wasn't, it wasn't like that. I just walked around with a confidence. Not to be confused with arrogance. But whenever you suffer from self worth, and lack of self love, you sometimes just don't walk tall and proud. And I did it in Mexico. And it was like, because I loved myself. It wasn't because Brandon loved me it wasn't because I people were looking at me it was because I actually loved myself and I love to I was there like I was getting to be this Melissa 2.0 So I really hope that makes sense. I just did not I didn't play small I didn't I didn't want to like not saying I wanted to be like the center of attention. That's not what I mean. I just didn't play small and I didn't try to fit in and I was just myself. So I guess I hope that's the best way that I can explain it. So that's one way that I showed up to my true true authentic self another way I just kind of said is that I didn't stay quiet. We every night went to the entertainment and you know sometimes and I'm not judging, I don't care what you do. Some people would just kind of sit there and not partake when the when the entertainments like clap your hands or do whatever. I was very, very into it. I was clapping I was participating. I was yelling. I didn't give a shit what anybody thought about me Melissa was having fun for Melissa, not for anybody else around me. And that felt good. I wasn't just sitting there being quiet saying oh my god, they're gonna laugh at me if I start waving my hands, they're gonna laugh at me if I start clapping, they're gonna laugh at me if I dance silly, I did not care, I was going to do that. And I had fun. And it felt so great to just be the person to just have fun with myself, and not give a shit what anybody thought of me. So that was another way is that I didn't stay quiet. Something really big. While I guess becoming this Melissa 2.0 person in Mexico that I was becoming a nother dynamic of it was the way that I interacted with my boyfriend, because I know that he saw a huge shift or change in me while I was in Mexico also. And so while writing down this list of things that ways that I showed up more as myself and how he saw or how there was a change, I also wanted to get his point of view, because maybe he saw something that I didn't necessarily recognize. And so something that he said that I did was I was very much more go with the flow, that I didn't stress about things that I didn't throw a fit. If things didn't go my way. I literally was like sure you want to do that. Okay, cool. Yeah. All right. Let's do that. I was never like, oh my god, I do not want to go do that. My boyfriend is very, very, very on the go. When we are on vacations, there is not very much downtime, we don't sit and layout. It's Go, go go. And that's not usually me, I usually want to sit down. But this time, I was genuinely fine with that. I wanted to go try all the new things I just said yes to whatever adventure he wanted to take me on. And another like side of that is I didn't stress about stuff. There was a time we literally forgot to schedule our transfers. And it was a day we were leaving the day before we were supposed to leave and you can set up your transfers as soon as you get there. But I hadn't set them up yet. Old Melissa would have freaked out being like, oh my god, we're not going to get a transfer, we have to do this immediately. And I just didn't freak out. I'm like, No, this is not what's going to happen. There are 50,000 transfers that can come pick us up, everything will be fine, there is no need to worry. And seriously, nothing happened. We were able to reschedule our transfers, we weren't late, everything was fine. And it just went to show that I can stress out of stress out over the simplest of things and think it's going to go one way. And it truthfully doesn't it's not that big of a deal. Another thing I didn't stress about, I literally almost forgot we had to get a COVID test to get back into the country. And of course, we were having so much fun. And we forgot to schedule ours once again. We we remember that on the third day. So we could have score, of course scheduled the next day. And that's what we did. I didn't stress out I didn't freak out. And that felt really, really good not to put that extra stress on my boyfriend when my boyfriend is already have the mindset of like, I don't know why you're stressing out, Melissa, it is okay. Everything wound up being okay. And that is something that he definitely noticed there was not one single argument that we had in Mexico. Not that we argue all the time. But people can get into arguments, and we literally didn't. And I know, some people might be saying, well, you're on vacation. So what could you be arguing about? I cannot explain this, how I showed up as a different person. Because I also brought that person back with me like the new Melissa back with me. It wasn't like, oh, Melissa is just going to be on vacation. And and life is so great. And once she gets back in when she really gets head hit with stressful things, or real life is back. She's going to all of a sudden turn into a different person. No, once I was there, and once I decided that I'm not going back to that old person. I'm not going back, not saying I won't slip up and make mistakes. So I just want to kind of say that for for people that might that might be saying like, well, you're on vacation. Of course it's easy not to argue or not to stress or things like that. So yes, that's one of the things that he noticed was I was very, very much go with the flow. And I did not stress about anything. I think we got in like one little like, literally almost got into an argument about something so silly. And I literally said like, I don't want to argue about this. Let's drop it and he said, I noticed that you de escalated before you escalated, which I'm usually like the escalator I go get pissed off and start freaking out. And I didn't I was like, I don't want to argue about this. And then literally we were fine. So that's what he did. was commenting on about that. Thank you to better help for being our sponsor, if you guys think you might need to see a therapist better help is amazing. They are online, you can do it from the comfort of your own home, you have the options to message them, you can do a phone call, you can do a video chat, whatever you feel comfortable with doing, they have several different types of therapists, if you need couples, or for marriage and family therapy, it's also available to individuals worldwide, better help is a monthly subscription. So you're not paying per session and financial aid is available for those who qualify. So visit better help.com/bright side of life, that's better help.com/bright side of life, join over 500,000 people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. And for your first month you're gonna receive 10% off by being a listener of the bright side of life. So let them know that I sent you by using the link better help.com forward slash Bright Side of Life, the link will also be in the description section of this episode, I'm trying to think of what else I noticed about me. And I want to say like I said at the beginning, I wanted to say these things of what that looked like in everyday life. So people know how they can apply that to their lives, in their situations, if you're wanting to be something else than what you're not. Now, if you want to be more confident, if you want to be the person that doesn't pick apart their body, if you want to be the person that's more outgoing, because that's how you used to be. And then all of a sudden life in society made you go in this shell, you want to do these things. That's why I'm telling you exactly how this happened on the trip. I said it's not something that I planned. It's just once it started happening, and I like didn't stress and I was showing up more confidently as myself. And also there was a moment on the trip that I went into the bathroom. And I looked at myself in the eyes. And I literally was like, I love you, I love who you have become, I am proud of you, you are doing amazing. And that just felt really awesome to say because like I've said for so long. And for anybody that knows me knows I have struggled with self love and self worth for a very, very long time. And it just feels awesome to be in this place. Now. Not saying I'm never going to struggle with certain things, I'm sure that I will. But it really, really feels great to not struggle with these things. So this episode was a little bit short and sweet. But it was something that I really wanted to talk about. Because I am such a big advocate on giving people tools and examples of what this looks like. And I also want to say that if there is something that you have done in your life to become, I don't a different person, or Sarah 2.0, or whatever, if you have made a huge transition in your life. I would love Love, love, love, love to hear what you did and like examples to show how you did that. Literally, you can send me a message on Instagram, you can message me on Facebook, tick tock, whatever you follow me on, you can send me an email through the website. I would love to hear that. Because there are a lot of people that I that are in my life that I know that are struggling with self love, self worth being a people pleaser, so on and so forth. And if we all can help other people that struggle with this, I believe that the world could be a better place and we could all start loving ourselves more because that is literally my mission in life is for people not to feel left out and for people to live their true. Live as their true selves. And it really really upsets me when people don't know how to do that. I have said since I've started my podcast that I just want to help all the other Melissa's out there. Meaning I know that there are other men and women out there that that have felt like I have whether it was alone in their struggles or they feel like society has defined them to be a diff way, or they feel bad that they are different. And I just don't want you guys to feel that way. So if I can give you guys tools, advice, tips on anything, I'm going to do that. And I guess the biggest theme that kind of surrounds this episode is putting it into real life practice, putting, if if you want to be more confident, then maybe say to yourself, the next time I go and walk into a room full of people, I'm gonna walk a little bit taller, I'm gonna notch slouch my shoulders, you know, things like that, that is a real life example of something that you can do. And then when you do it, and you're like, oh, okay, that that wasn't so bad. Then the next thing, whatever it is that you are looking to do, you can you can kind of make a plan for that. And then once you do it, and you do it again, and you do it again, and you do it again, then you get to a place that you will start to love yourself. And I know that there are many, many, many, many, many layers of loving yourself because of traumatic experiences, and things that have happened in people's lives. I understand that. So there are probably many different things that you can get back to, to loving yourself, and to showing up as your real self. I just wanted to share my personal experience, because I literally just got back from Mexico two days ago, and this happened. And it was one of the best things that I could have ever hoped for. Not even going to Mexico realizing that this was going to happen. And I'm just so happy to bring her back. I keep referring to her in third person. But I am happy. There was a a course that I took a couple weeks ago with Jen Gottlieb, and she is incredible. And she talks about getting to Gen 2.0. And so that's why I've been referring to myself as Melissa 2.0. Because it's like the the higher self or the the person that you want to become. And she talks about that a lot. And one of the other big takeaways that I got from listening to her was keeping the promises that you make to yourself, and how much of an impact that is going to make on your self worth and your self confidence to do this thing. And then say to yourself, like girl, look at you, you you said you're gonna do it, and you freaking did it. And then you're so so proud of yourself. For me, I was accepted to be in a magazine article about three weeks ago, it was a bigger piece. And there was a lot that was involved in it. And then there was a video portion that was optional to do. And that was not optional. For me, I was doing that shit. And so I had kind of been stressing a little bit because I always worry, I think time's gonna run out. And I told myself, I'm making the video, I'm not doing this half assed and I set an intention. And today, I finally submitted all of that stuff that went for the article. And that was a promise that I kept to myself, I could have and what I am very, very good at is self sabotaging and making excuses saying, you know, oh my god, I'm it's not going to be good enough. This is not what they're looking for, so on and so forth. And I refuse to do that this time. And it just feels really, really good to keep a promise that I made to myself. And I'm excited to see how that pans out. So I'm just kind of quickly recap some of the ways that I showed up as a different person showed up as my true self showed up as Melissa 2.0 Whatever it is that you want to say of how what that was, I loved myself, I made it kind of a non negotiable and I wasn't going to pick apart my body I was not going to spend myself spend my time in paradise comparing myself to other people. I also want to add have really does something different for your relationship. I am not like a crazy over like, super jealous person. I don't really know how to explain this, but I just I just wasn't gonna fucking let it I just wasn't gonna let it affect me. And I know that Brandon has said before that like, I'm really sexy when I'm confident and I could tell the way that he like looked at me and interacted with me because of my confidence. It I, it's almost I can't even put into words of how much it helped our relationship to just be that confident person and, and not, like, be like, Oh my God, is he going to look at another girl like because I don't have this perfect body? I did not give a fuck and No, he did not go do that. I'm just saying I didn't even let it worry me, which then made our relationship that much better. I hope that made sense. hope, hope, hope. Okay. Another thing that I did is I did not make myself smaller to fit in. You should not ever do that you should be who you are. When, wherever you are, you should get to be that person and don't ever play smaller because of what you're scared of other people think if you are happy with how you are acting, that's all that matters. Right? That's literally all that matters. And that's how I was I was like, Melissa, I am happy with how I am acting. I'm acting. I'm acting happy. I'm acting outgoing. I'm acting confident. I'm not playing and being in the small little shell. I am happy with that. I didn't stay quiet. Like I said, wasn't like I was just loud, obnoxious person. I wasn't drunk. I wasn't doing any of that stuff. I just wasn't, wasn't being quiet and like, oh my god, I can't say anything, anything like that. So it didn't stay quiet. I didn't stress about stuff. I told myself that everything is going to be okay. Like literally what's the worst thing that could happen? And the worst thing that could happen? wasn't that bad. Like a transfer? No, we could go and get another one not that big of a deal. So that was something I did. And I went with the flow. It wasn't all about me. This was my boyfriend's vacation also. And I was really down for like, the best way I can describe it as I was just like the yes person. I was just a yes person on this trip. And I just said yes to everything. And I really wanted to try a different experience and trying all these new things. So very much go with the flow. And having a guest attitude. Dropped arguments didn't want to keep them going. Like I said, we barely like had one but I still pay. I didn't I didn't keep going with it. I was like let's just drop it. I don't want to don't want to argue it. Argue. So that's what happened on this trip. I hope this was helpful, in some shape, way or form. And like I said before, I would love love, love to hear ways that you guys have shown up as your true authentic selves. And you guys can send that to me anyway on social media because I would really, really, really love to hear that. And of course, if you guys have not yet subscribed or sign up for emails, you guys should do that. So you can be notified when a new episode drops. And also reminder, I am on YouTube now. And you can go and actually watch the episodes there. This one is not on YouTube, because it's Monday and I haven't showered and I don't have on any makeup. And I had a really really busy day today. So I just needed to not do YouTube videos. But besides that all the rest of them are up there. And as you guys always know if you know anyone that may need to hear this episode, please please share it with them because we never know if this is the one that puts hope back in their heart.