Dr. Robb Kelly on stepping out of the disease and into the solution. Recovering from Alcoholism and Drug Addiction.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 0:00

If you're started on thinking that you're not worth it, if you're started on thinking that you're never going to become anything, I want to apologize to you guys, because somebody has put that there. That's not the way we are born. We are born to succeed, we are born to dream and live that dream.

Melissa Bright: 0:16

Welcome to The Bright Side of Life, a podcast where people share their personal stories of struggles, pain and grief. But through all of that, they are still able to find the joys in life. Hello, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of the bright side of life. I am your host Melissa bright, I do not know if this is your first time joining us here or if you have listened to every episode in which if you have I love you very much. But if you have not yet subscribed to the podcast, please be sure to do so on your favorite listening platform so you never miss an episode. And if you just love, love, love the podcast so much and you would like to support the show, you can do so by writing a review on the website, sharing your favorite episodes on social media and with friends and family. Or lastly, you can make donations by going to the donate page on the website. Whatever you choose to do, however you choose to support the podcast, I am very grateful. And also you can do all of that stuff right on the bright side of life. podcast.com and today I am talking with Robert Kelly. Rob, PhD is a renowned addiction consultant who believes in treating the problem of addiction, not the symptoms. He has worked for many years helping addicts and alcoholics to recover their lives from the disease of addiction. Based on his own experiences working with addicts and alcoholics over the last 20 years, a PhD in Psychology from Oxford University. And as a recovering alcoholic himself. He is a triple threat against the disease of addiction. Rob, I am so excited to have you here. Welcome to The Bright Side of Life. How are you doing today?

Dr. Robb Kelly: 2:09

Thank you, man. I said doing awesome. Tuesday in San Antonio, Texas, just in case you thought I was from West Texas with my accent.

Melissa Bright: 2:19

Well, I thought you were across the pond. So now I know better.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 2:23

Manchester, England is where I was when I was born.

Melissa Bright: 2:26

Okay, how long have you been in the States? 15 years. Okay.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 2:31

But the crazy thing is I only come here for two weeks. And that is not a joke. That's serious. It can be two weeks do a little seminar in Plano just outside Dallas, Texas. And I stayed and went back home again.

Unknown: 2:44

That's awesome. Like you do you know just exactly, exactly.

Melissa Bright: 2:50

Okay, so let's go ahead and dive right in. I would love first for you to share your own personal story of how you went from hopelessness to hope in your journey to recovery.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 3:03

Well, chronic alcoholic here suffer from alcoholism, most of my life, lost lots of people on the way lost a great marriage lost two children, mum and dad, everybody wouldn't speak to me. I was doing pretty well in life. But the alcoholism was creeping over and started to really get the better of me. Which he does with alcoholism, but I didn't know anything about alcoholism. Neither did anybody else. When I when I was suffering, it's just like, I don't know what to do go to a meetings or something. So anyway, got married for that will solve it. Nope, two children. Nope. Anyway, eventually I became homeless with alcoholism, stayed on the streets for 14 months, and then managed to get off to a spiritual awakening meeting this guy. And then so that was the hopeless part. And then I also remember being on the streets, lots of things happen on the streets. I mean, live living in bus shelters, living on trees, in park benches, stuff like that. And I made a promise to myself that if I ever got off the streets, I spend the rest of my life finding out what alcoholism is all about, because nobody had an answer for me. And more of all, even the family of which is a big part of our program is you know, the wife and anybody over the 18 also needs to come on board when you work with us because the effect it has on the family is absolutely unbelievable. So in a nutshell, I never go back in dissecting it, but when the guy found me on the streets, he took me back to his house. And right there, my life took off and I stayed slowly but surely started building up confidence again, got a little job and you know, all of a sudden now, many years later, I mean, Texas living the dream instead of dreaming a living because that's what I did on the streets. I dreamt of living A normal life. I remember passing, it was Christmas Eve, and it was snowing a little close and I passed the houses, I was walking down the street endlessly not going anywhere drinking vodka. And I looked through a window and it was this perfect picture of this family. They were all sat around the table having Christmas dinner. And they were pulling crackers and a party hats on. And I thought I asked God, if I could just have that one more time before I die. Just one meal with any family and children, because mine had been taken away. So all that memories and all that trauma that I suffered, cause had to be worked on. But I was adamant. So over the last 20 years, I've gone back into our college and found out the neuroscience behind it and found out that alcohol has got very little to do with alcoholism. And I've studied and I've trained and I've learned and 1515 years answers have been in here we have five practices around the world with telehealth only. And we've dealt with around 7000 patients so far.

Melissa Bright: 6:06

Wow. Wow, wow. Well, my question regarding your story. Did you know At At what point did you know that you did have a problem? And then did it become the question of well, I have a problem, but I don't know how to get help and what to do about it?

Dr. Robb Kelly: 6:26

Great question. I never knew how to problem until when the wife left and the kids went in the house when and the businesses went and I was you know, homeless. For the first time my life sat there going What the hell just went wrong. Never thought had a problem. I thought I drank a little bit too much. But that's it. 13 months and three weeks and six days never thought I had a problem. Just going through a bit of bad luck. But there was one night and it's I'd always tell this story sticks in my mind. And he was way everything changed for me. And I was walking down a couple parts of Manchester the back streets were all factories and businesses are there's no people that time and I was two or three o'clock in the morning. It was pouring down and I dropped my hands and knees. I didn't want to go on my hands and knees. But I dropped my hands and knees. And I started to cry like a baby, you know the aching cry from the tummy. And I remember that rain hitting my back of my head coming around my face, mixing with my tears and hitting these cobblestones and turn in like a purple color. And I was sobbing and sobbing and sobbing. I wasn't sobbing because I lost my kids or my wife or my money. I was sobbing because the first time in my life, I realized I couldn't stop drinking. And it was right there. A locked up to the sky as a non believer, an atheist. And these are the words I said, if there is a God up there. I can't do this on my own anymore. 30 seconds later, a guy walk around the corner in the middle of nowhere, has a little Bible in his hand. He asked me if I want to help and I said yes, I'm dying. He took me back to his house. And my journey started there.

Melissa Bright: 8:08

Wow. That's like Goosebumps. Goosebumps.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 8:13

That's not the crazy part. It's too late. Yeah, no, I met a guy who taught me everything. And we could never read Okay, and we tried to go back to his house and there wasn't anybody there. That was a crazy story. You know, I only tell that now and again, cuz you've got to have a real light, you've got to have a spiritual stroke, believe a tight mind to understand what went on. But right when I went back to this guy's house, he said, Rob, The only stipulation I don't know you can stay as long as you want. But you have to come to some AA meetings with me. And I was like, No, I've been that horrible. But that was the situation. So I went with him that night, the following night, and went with him. And the meeting started and I hated it. And halfway round this guy called John said, my name is John. I'm a recovered alcoholic. And I'd never heard that before. I was like, what does he mean recovered? What was my kids when he's telling me now you can recover? So I was been walking over and saying, Would you be my sponsor? And he said, No. But I will be a spiritual advisor for a period of eight weeks, which I thought was weird. So he gave me his address. He said come round with this book in this book come round and I'll start teaching you. So every Wednesday. The further it gets out. The more days I get mixed up. I think it was a Wednesday 7pm I would walk to his house staff at six get there for seven spent an hour within exactly 60 minutes. Then he would lead me out I spent an hour walking back to Derek's place where I'm staying right now. I did that for 10 or 12 weeks I can't remember. And he taught me everything. He told me what about God, he said that had been chosen. And the last day with him. He said your life will change tomorrow. And I said well, no disrespect but I'm at this guy's house in the basement on a blog. mattress or a mattress on the floor, there's no way you're going to change. Nobody knows I'm here. But he was adamant that was going to change and he taught me lots of stuff from that and never need drink again and how we can change and, you know, remote the brain and stuff, which was unheard of back then. So anyway, next day, I got home. And the next day Derrick came home said, Hey, we've got a part time job at my place for you. Which later that week turned into a full time job. The week after one of the guys there felt sorry for me because I was catching the bus. He gave me a little car. So I traveled to work and back. So after about the first two weeks, my lifestyle to pick up I was like, I had money in my pocket for the first time. So I went to the gas station, petrol station if anyone UK is listening, and I got in a little teddy bear, I saw all I could afford it was this big Melissa, and a card saying thank you, John, for introducing me to God or something like that. And I went back to his house, his apartment. When I got to his apartment. It looks like there's nobody living there. So I banged on the door, nothing. I was hitting that loud at the right hand neighbor opened the door and she says, Can I help you? And I said, Yeah, where's John moved to? And she said, John, I said, Yeah, John, you've got the wrong address lobe that that's been vacant for at least three months. I've lived here. So I'll let her close the door. Like, you know, Looney Tunes, right. Went to the other side. I'm not telling the guys go a bit heavier than that shortly come to the door. I said, Where's John relocated to? And he said, John, said, John, next door, he said, listen, mate, I've been here for a couple of years. And that house, that apartment next door has been derelict for 12 months. You are not allowed to go in there. It's dangerous. You can't go in. I'm thinking okay, down to both Looney Tunes. The meeting when I first met him, and I said, you remember me 12 weeks ago, and I came in? He said, Yeah, remember you? said, Yeah, I said, you remember John, I was speaking to the coffee machine. He said, John, and I'm like, Why do I keep mentioning people keep saying, John. I said, Yeah, John, the calf machine. And this is what he said to me, Melissa, he said, You were over at the coffee machine speaking to yourself, Rob. Never traced that man can't find out. Where'd it come from? Nobody's heard of him. I've searched high and low. I can't find it. But program, and it changed my life. That helped me change hundreds of 1000s of lives since. And it's the reason why I stand here today in front of you in Texas. That's the guy that changed everything. For me. That is crazy. I know. I know. And there's a there's 1000 things like that so happened to me I when I first got after two or three weeks i i was i was vomiting blood. But I couldn't go to the hospital because I was not insured. Didn't know you had to be insured available to hospital Great. Eventually I was that bad. They took me and they came in the doctors came in after examine and said, Look, you have cancer of the esophagus. Where do you live? And I said, Well, I'm live here now. But I have people in parents in England, we need to comment. We're going to be operating in the next 60 minutes, we need to call them so that I was so upset that they called him the doctors called mom and dad and explain that the cancer was that bad. And the operation, there's probably about an 80% chance of not making it. So it's really bad operation. So I said my goodbyes, all that stuff. It was horrible. They took me down the next thing and you will walk up in the in the bed again in the room. And there was four people in white coats. Three people in business men are two nurses. And they thrust a body in front of me with a paper on and my wife said Just saying. So what Just sign it so I signed it. And the relief on the faith. Apparently what they've done is they took me down for one more X ray before they took me into theater and they they can't find the cancer in the esophagus. What and the reason why they were giving me the paper to sign is because they call my parents and I could sue them for millions and millions of dollars. So they wanted me to sign as soon as I woke up. They said to my wife, I'm sorry. My wife said, you know God's taken over. It's no problem. They'll sign it. You understand? I never understood that. I just you know, I miss lots more like that. It's crazy.

Melissa Bright: 14:00

Oh my gosh, so you didn't have the surgery? Or did you have the surgery? No surgery.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 14:06

They didn't get that far. So to give me a pre med. So I was like in Twilight land, but when I woke up, nothing done nothing. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Melissa Bright: 14:14

Oh my gosh. Okay, so you have been sober for how long now?

Dr. Robb Kelly: 14:21

A few days, as we like to say. He's like, Well, we have we belong to this group that believes that sobriety Lenten sobriety is not important. What's important is how you show up and how you present yourself. And that shows somebody looking at you and watching your behavior should know that you're in a position to sponsor them because you have found the solution. We're very big on that. So none of us disclose sobriety dates. Whether you've got a week or 30 something years. It should not make a difference.

Melissa Bright: 14:50

Love that. So really quick backstory about me as I have been around a since I've been a little girl my mom was recovering. Drug and alcohol. My stepdad is still currently sober. God bless his soul. So I'm very excited to hear your approach on this because as you know, I just asked you, I guess a common question, you know, of sobriety, you get your coins, you get all that fun stuff. So I'm very interested to hear about your approach, because you also have been coined to be known as the Gordon Ramsay, of the addiction world, because of your direct no nonsense candid approach to teaching addiction. So I really, really, really liked the topics that Courtney sent in your thing. I actually usually do my own questions, but I feel like this is if she put these that these are very important things that need to be talked about

Dr. Robb Kelly: 15:58

when it comes in. And by the way, I don't I don't do questions, or they do all but I just like, let Melissa Ask me whatever she wants. It'll be good. Yeah, no,

Melissa Bright: 16:06

no, I love these. And I will say I did. I did allow my friends on social media to ask some questions. Also, because you know, all of us, as you said, everybody knows somebody that is struggling with addiction. So let's first start with maybe the obvious or not so obvious, but how can we recognize signs of alcoholism and addiction?

Dr. Robb Kelly: 16:35

The biggest sign there's a difference. alcoholics are born, drug addicts are made. So I want to put that out there straight away. That's probably freaking people out already. But let me explain. Alcoholism is a predisposition. It's passed down from generation to generation. It's neuro pathways that are self sabotaging along with the hypothalamus and the basal ganglia that are not the same. Okay, so you can trace alcohol is not so much with drug addiction. So they both present the same. But chemically, the slightly different. I'm allergic not to alcohol, but the ethanol and alcohol. It's all about neuroscience and understanding. You have to realize that if you trace generation back, so a friend come to me and go, Hey, I think I've got a problem. First of all, if anybody says that to you, they probably do have a problem. Yeah, we have to understand that alcoholism is the only self diagnosed illness in the world. 10 DUI do not making an alcoholic. Now there's a word from the doctor. This is a self imposed crisis that we need to look at. So I'm tracing the family back is the alcoholism the family? No. Okay. Let's look if you're abusing alcohol, because usually 99% time it's in the family. Now, it may skip a generation, but it's in the family. Other things I'm looking for as well, is low self esteem, possibly touching on depression, feeling of less than no self worth letting people trample all over you. These are the signs I'm looking for. Because there's another you're going to get these statements, you're going to go wide. Believe me. I know what I'm talking about. No one's done as much research as alcohol has got 1% to do with alcoholism. So I'm about alcohol. It's about me. It's about the way it was born the way it was raised. And the gateway drug is not marijuana. It's trauma kinda sounds the same, but it's huge difference. Trauma is the key to everything. So what is trauma? We'll define that shortly. But there's a huge difference. Trauma doesn't mean a plane crash. Not with the alcoholic brain.

Melissa Bright: 18:33

I have been I have said that. We are watching cops. My boyfriend loves the show cops and he likes it for the entertainment value. But just watching some of these people, I said to him one day, every single one of these people have some kind of trauma have came from something. They are not just like, oh, this is just fun. Like, maybe that's how it started. But that's not how how it ended up. So I'm so so happy that that you said that trauma. So no matter whether it's alcohol or drugs, trauma,

Dr. Robb Kelly: 19:10

trauma 100% every time every alcoholic has trauma period, but not everybody has trauma is an alcoholic. So that's the difference.

Melissa Bright: 19:18

All right, fair enough. Okay, so let's skip to the next topic is navigating recovery treatment options.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 19:30

This can be really really bad or no it's it's like walking in the dark with a blindfold on. There's so many treatment centers out there that are just not doing the deal. You know, little Johnny's going back to them for the third or fourth time. Paying 20 grand a time 30 grand. You have to start looking at the good there's some good people out there. But look at people who have a track record. Look at people like us we're the only people in the world are the only company in the world have your money back guarantee if you relapse whilst following our progress. unheard of. We have a 97% success rate is actually higher than that, but nobody believers. So you have to be ready, first of all, and then you have to seek this good treatment. Because you can get well, I mean, we use the first 164 of the big book, I've got to tell you of all the studying, and I studied Carl Jung and psychology. And I went back for a second PhD in behavioral science about 10 years ago. So I'm pretty educated in neuroscience, behavioral signs, alcoholism and addiction. That's my speciality. One of the best pieces of literature I've ever read in my life is the first 164 of the big book, because it's far more advanced than it should be. The book talks about a psychic change back in 1938, when they were writing it 10 years ago, the medical fraternity said Oh, my God, neuroplasticity, we can change the way we think there's so much in that book that's phenomenal, pertaining to the alcoholic. So it is amazing. When we look back on it. Are you there? Hi, there. I'm here.

Melissa Bright: 21:03

I don't know what happened. I'm sorry, it might have been my internet. But let's start where you were talking about how your company has a slight more than 97% success rate?

Dr. Robb Kelly: 21:18

Yes. So there's an assessment before you come on board. So we need to know that you're ready to do this. So we're the only company in the world offers a money back guarantee, if you relapse whilst following our program. And that we do have a 90 Almost 100% success rate. Because we're really adamant what we do. And we found the key, we found a solution. It's a 90 day program, followed by a 90 day step down, followed by a five year case management on changing the person you are. So we rewire the brain, we change behaviors, we calm down central nervous systems. And we stop internal dialogue. When we do all that and work on that for 90 days, because that's the chemical change. It's 90 days, we found we found that people are successful. Also key element is we add the family. If we get a patient on that's the guy, for instance, who's married, we will not take that patient unless his wife and anybody over the age of 18 living in the house joins us on the program. If they if the wife says No, I'm done, and she's still married to him, just wants him to get better. We won't take him. Because when we involve the family, the success rate goes up by 42%. Alone.

Melissa Bright: 22:29

Yeah. Which makes sense, because it's not. It's not just their problem. It's the whole family is being affected, which I definitely want to dive into that a little bit later. I want to ask you, not that I'm trying to, you know, talk crap on on other treatment centers. But what is one thing that sets you apart? Besides all the things that you said? What are some treatment centers doing wrong, that just they're just not going to see the success that they should be seeing? Do you know this? Yeah, I

Dr. Robb Kelly: 23:08

think first of all the masses, they know they take in a lot of people and usually it's insurance. So the taking whether you're ready or not, you know, most of the time, you just need to present with a check in your hand they'll take you in. So we've got to look at that. Secondly, that they're always preaching about relapse prevention. Well, that word alone, relapse prevention, relapse, you know, my brains gonna focus on that because I'm an alcoholic, and just the intensity of the education there. Most therapists, and I'm going to piss a lot of people are like, I don't care. I'm working from 1970s 80s handbooks, you know, I'm only talking about alcohol. Now. Other things that you did, therapists are the cognitive stuff. It's amazing, you are amazing trim center, amazing when it comes to alcoholism, there is a difference. And you're not covering that. Otherwise, do what I do offer a money back guarantee, stop taking little Johnny and for the fifth time, that your place, you can't do that. Because you haven't got the knowledge, you haven't got the intensity, we only work in small groups. Our max patient thing is four to six patients at any one time, usually four. So there's all little tiny things that we do that nobody does, you have a concierge team around you. And you know, other people maybe can't afford to do this. They have to, you know, it's like making special shoes. You know, they're very expensive, you know, they took a lot of time. That all was amazing, because they're handmade, then you get the ones that are on a conveyor belt, you can buy a lot cheaper, but they're not going to last as long. You know, intense knowledge and knowing how the neuroscience and the brain works around alcohol is and that really, it's got nothing to do with alcohol. And we've done intensive work on trauma, which we found is probably 80 90% to do with with the addiction.

Melissa Bright: 24:50

Yeah. When people come in, how are they surprised to find out that it's trauma that was that led them to alcoholism or to addiction.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 25:05

Yeah, I think in general they are because they expect to come in and say, Okay, this is the ways we stopped drinking. But we don't we go, Hey, where's your trauma? direct question? Well, I haven't got any Oh, this is going to be fun. That was tell you where your trauma was. Because my trauma, one of my trauma was, and this was that from my mom, whether she meant it or not. Robert, how many times would tell you, you can't go to college like your brother, you're too stupid. Now when he was joking or not, that ruined my life, or part of my life. And that's one of the reasons I became homeless because I was always trying to prove stuff to people and the back of the brain, where my disease lives kept releasing into the prefrontal cortex in a piece of crap, you're never gonna amount to anything you stupid, all the time. The internal dialogue was a killer for me, you know, and I died twice on the streets, they brought me back to life. So I was serious about dying. I was doing no cry for help. I couldn't live with the stuff inside my head.

Melissa Bright: 26:00

Yeah, I think it's so important for people to really notice to notice this. And you know, I might, I might just bring this up now. Because I have an issue with this personally. It's so many people want to just say, Well, Rob, you had a choice. You could have chose your kids, or you could have chose alcohol and you chose alcohol. And I feel like they just don't fully understand. Not saying that, that doesn't hurt those people that they think that they just made a choice. But there is something so much bigger that is happening like trauma, like you said, so what would you say to those people that think it's just a choice, they just chose it? They chose it over us? What would you say to those people?

Dr. Robb Kelly: 26:52

Well, I get that, because that's the popular notion. But what I will encourage is research into alcoholism is and what you'll find and the reason why 1996 A World Health Organization clastic as a disease was it's a biochemical reaction, and my hypothalamus and my basal ganglia a different to the normal person. So you can't fight what your brain is telling you to do. So we look at the hypothalamus alone, hypothalamus is at the back the base of the brain, and then a prehistoric and what he's telling me to do, it's a survival part of the brain. So it tells us to a lot of things. But for instance, two of the things that tells me is I need to drink water, and eat food to survive. It's a natural instinct. That's why we never have to teach babies that it needs food. It's got hands in its mouth or cry because it knows it's hungry. It's a natural occurrence within the human brain, after we cross over, the alcoholic brain crosses over from, first of all, we start drinking, then we go heavy drinking, then we're abuse of alcohol, then alcoholism. Once we cross abuse, alcoholism, my hypothalamus that used to tell me to drink water and eat food tells me to drink alcohol. That's why you see any alcoholic and go days or weeks without food or water. I did it on the streets for about six months. We just live on alcohol because that's what my brain is telling me. So when we go back to the trauma, we go to the basal ganglia, which is kind of a repetition thing in my brain, something learned something execute failed. Good. So you know all that stuff. Mine has got a part in it, the basal ganglia that says self sabotage. So I have a choice. And the big box has it again, we build a bright future for ourselves and our families. And we knock it down. You can ask any alcoholic, any alcoholic who's relapse? Give me one reason, and they can't get give you 1000 excuses. I'll give you a million excuses, but not one reason, because it's not our choice.

Melissa Bright: 28:49

Yeah. Wow. That's super powerful. Okay, so this topic, it's not a question. But it says the path to long term sobriety. So I guess the question would be, in your words, what is the path to long term sobriety?

Dr. Robb Kelly: 29:09

One thing that every successful person doesn't ever recovered. Alcoholic does before any big book guys come on and say you can't say that man sick 27 times only mentions recovering twice. That's to the fives and the family afterwards. So recovered means to gain one's health and state of mind back. So everyone that's in that position needs a routine. Every single successful person including alcoholics need a routine. And out of that routine, they need three or four things that are going to write down every day that they're going to achieve that day. So it's all around doing your own work. Like I need to know when I get up. I need to say a quick prayer. I need to know that God's going to play somebody in front of me every day that I need to help. I also know that every time I leave, leave the house, I need to bless somebody, which I do. I do my own a work. I Good Samaritan every day, do I lose my temporary people? Yes. All of the time. Do I make amends immediately? Yes, all of the time. Because the only person that suffers from anything like that is me. You know, so I'm not perfect. Neither do I want to be perfect. And I'm perfectly imperfect, as the meadows taught me, but yeah, I just, you know, there's daily routines that we have things we got to do. You don't have to do 90 meetings in 90 days, guys, it's not even a thing come from a judge in our cron meetings are never going to keep you sober. I just want to put that out there. It's not the meetings we make. It's the steps we take. If you're willing to change, then that's the deal. If you've tried a before and it's not for you go back with an open mind, get into a good big book study, a good group, where are recovered alcoholics, just like the book says, in your recovery, like me, and most of all, if you're hanging around and depressed people, you will become the 10th. Be careful here. Hang around. Show me your friends. I'll show you future. It's very important. And then watch your internal dialogue.

Melissa Bright: 31:01

Yeah. So you are a fan of a

Dr. Robb Kelly: 31:05

I'm a big fan. I used to speak all over the country and world. On behalf of a I got the privilege to do that. I always funded myself. I never took a dime from a or the groups that I was with, I went around and did my part for a good 20 years. And it's awesome. I have my own group we started two months ago called Bring your own big book. BYOB, be hilarious. So yeah, every every Saturday, I teach a book study followed by a nice meeting. And then Tuesday evening, we have a meeting. So yeah, definitely a big fan of A

Melissa Bright: 31:35

is that in person, or is it online? In person? Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 31:40

We do stream, the book study online for people who live outside of San Antonio. So yeah, that's picking up very

Melissa Bright: 31:46

popular. I wanted to take note of that. Because, you know, I'm always thinking for my stepdad to see if there's anything else he wants to check out and see. So you'll be

Dr. Robb Kelly: 31:57

amazed, I'll send you, I'll send you the Zoom link every Saturday morning. 930 Central time, he will love. If you liked the book, you'll love it. Oh, he does. Cuz I mixed a big book with neuroscience. Okay, well, I tell him what The Book says. And I tell him in layman's terms why this is doing this is in our head.

Melissa Bright: 32:13

Yeah. I love that. I think he could definitely benefit from that. So awesome. Okay, addiction and family dynamics. So a couple questions I want to ask here. I know you already mentioned you know why people when they go into your treatment, if that's what you call it, that a family has to be on board. Some other questions that people asked is, How can we help without enabling? I think there's just so many people that just feel helpless. And they don't know what to do except for enable, especially when they're so far down. I mean, withdraws and things like that. So what can family do to help thank you to better health for being our sponsor, if you guys think you might need to see a therapist better help is amazing. They are online, you can do it from the comfort of your own home, you have the options to message them, you can do a phone call, you can do a video chat, whatever you feel comfortable with doing, they have several different types of therapists, if you need couples, or for marriage and family therapy, it's also available to individuals worldwide, better help is a monthly subscription. So you're not paying per session, and financial aid is available for those who qualify. So visit better help.com/bright side of life, that's better help.com/bright side of life, join over 500,000 people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. And for your first month, you're going to receive 10% off by being a listener of the bright side of life. So let them know that I sent you by using the link better help.com forward slash Bright Side of Life, the link will also be in the description section of this episode.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 34:07

So you have to remember that if the family wants to help their family must have strong boundaries, first of all, because there's a fine line between enabling and helping. So I've fine, I've good boundaries around that you're not going to do this, and we're not going to do that. And if you continue to do this, then we are going to change the locks on their house. You know stuff like that. Because every family from an alcoholic background has a dysfunctional family. So what we find is the alcoholic, you know, he's the sick one. He's the one that's always making a mess. He's the reason why we can't go out or bring friends back to the house. But then we took a look at the partner the wife and say, Hey, what's your point in this and they go oh, no, I let me tell you about Johnny. No. Well, I haven't done anything. Then tell me why have you stayed in a relationship for the last five years while your children watch you get beaten every night while he's drunk? Tell me why you've done that. If everything's okay with you Whereas your trauma, so it's a whole family, a family deal. It really is. But the dysfunction is is terrible. Because it's what we do is, you know, it's like having two houses, their house where the alcoholic family is, let's we teach them new language and recovery, you know that. And I know that there's a language that if you heard somewhere about something with a big, but you go, Oh, yeah, they must be like me. So two houses, this one here speaks Japanese, for instance, where the family is, we take the guy out speaking Japanese, we move them to our house. Now we teach him English for 90 days, then what we've done after 90 days is we pick him up with dropping back in House speaking Japanese, what's going to happen, it's going to start speaking Japanese again. So the both houses need to learn how to speak the same language, which is recovery language, and have real strong boundaries, is that I tell people all the time. You know, if you don't like your wife, get a new wife. If you don't like your job, get a new job. You know, right. If you don't like cargo, and you can't Well, it's not that easy. Well, it kind of is, you know, we get one shot at this. Research has shown that, you know, even kids will just stay for the kids. That's that's a bullshit answer. I'm sorry. Because records have shown going back going back the last 25 years, is that too happy children with too happy, separated or divorced parents is much better than a fight and parents in the same house growing up under that Under that situation, because what happens to the woman alone and the kids is there is no difference in brain activity for self sabotage, fear and trauma from the alcoholic husband or wife, whoever it may be the partner, and somebody coming back from Afghanistan, they both walking around on eggshells. They never know when it's going to kick off. And they never know if this is their last day. The brain is on that height of on all that time, and it never comes off. Yeah, the wife doesn't know that. And the kids don't know that. So what happens is the measurement from them parents go down to the kids. And the kids repeat that behavior learned behavior. Women come to me all the time. Dr. Rock, can you tell me why I keep attracting the same guy turns out to be an alcoholic and beat me after a bit? Or what was your What was your mom and dad like? Well, my dad, oh, it's all passed down his generation. Otherwise, we're born with million dollar mines. Stop hanging around 10 cent mines? Yeah, no, you have to look and see what your family is. Do you want to break that link? Do you not want to continue to want your children to to act the same as you and see the violence that you see? No, it damages them from the age of one. They will pick that stuff up? And they will they will think it's the norm when they can their relationships. And you putting them in danger? Because you couldn't break the link get them boundaries down?

Melissa Bright: 37:41

Yeah. I love that. Oh my gosh, I love that so much. Boom. Okay, why is it a thinking problem and not a drinking problem?

Dr. Robb Kelly: 37:54

Right. It's all in the mind. As I explained before, it's not the alcohol guys we think is we think it's the app it's not the alcohol Believe me it's not is the symptom. It's it's my spots to my chicken pots. And people go ahead and see an alcoholic and see that whiskey in your hand. arrogancy you've got chickenpox he spots all over you. It's like, actually have a viral infection that can kill me as an adult. What you see is the the map or you see if the symptom is the same with alcohol isn't the bottle is the sense and what's really going on. It's here. I malfunction here, because I'm born this way. You have self sabotaging all the time. And I think differently. And I hear things differently from trauma. So the Emma brother years ago, I was stood on the kitchen table, and my mom walks in, and we're both about eight or nine. And she says to us both get down off that table. Your stupid areas cut down. My brother jumps off laughing and I freeze. The reason why I freeze is because what I've heard, get out of that table. Give Stupid idiot. I get down and I'm traumatized by that event my brother as he goes on his day, I am traumatized by that. So I'm always looking what I'm doing wrong with moms in a room. I kind of do to kind of do this and wait out there. Oh, no, I better not do anything. I'm safe. Yeah, just like to dress to my life.

Melissa Bright: 39:14

Yep. That's how it was with my dad. My dad, he was always talking down to us not as well. Not as bad as like your mom, I think to my brother. He was because he was a guy. But I still felt it everything. Every chore we did was not good enough. Like Why could we not do this? He would have to show us and that just that was not good. Like I grew up to be a perfectionist to the 10th degree like have to be perfect all this stuff. It's not. It's not good. It's not good.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 39:45

And all that stuff you have as well. By the way, guys, well, my mom and dad the best they can. Not good enough, right? Not good enough. It takes nothing to give a cuddle and a kiss and hey, you're doing amazing today. I tell my eldest daughter who's now my ugly therapist in Manchester after we got in contact Four years ago, I was sent back to college. She's my girl over there helping office. I tell her every single day that I love her. I tell her every single day, I don't care what you want, if I have to walk back to England, I'm going to walk, you are never going to be on your own. And you will never sit there with nobody loving you really be in the grant. You know, and this is important, because we get it all the time. People say to me, you told the wife that you love her. She knows she knows. She knows. You know, we need this communication. You know, I mean, I was in the work when we had the Dallas offices about two, three years ago. And the nurse told me a story. How did the younger nurse did you see what Dr. Rob just did? That guy came in, he was suicidal. And now he is walking out and he's skipping and whistling and waving to everybody. Dr. Rob's amazing. And the older nurse said, because she knew what was going to come. She said, I know. I've you told him that. Oh, no. No, I mean, he already knows, obviously. But nobody knows guys. Nobody knows. I have cards printed that I walk up to strangers. And I give him no phone number just says you are freaking amazing. And don't let anybody tell you different and walk away. You're gonna go and watch their face. If I compliment people molester, dopamine is released into my brain as a natural occurrence. I'll walk up to strangers, especially guys, and go hey, nice sneakers, especially the tough guys and a big truck. Or a nice sneakers when they go, Oh, thanks, man. You watch them walk off, they'll lock down the sneakers three or four times. You have made that guy's day as tough as you think he is, isn't the things that we research. And these are the things that we do changing lives and changing brains. It doesn't cost anything. I used to have to walk to school with holes in my socks and holes in my shoes because my parents can't afford new socks and new shoes. What I got was my mom, tracing round cardboard of my shoe, then sticking the cardboard in my shoe. That's how I walk to work or do I school in the snow. So by the time I got there, the cardboard had worn and I was walking on ice for the holes in my socks and shoes. I thought Mom and Dad did their best. But a therapist said to me one day, Hey, Rob, I know this is really big for you the holes and I said that wasn't that bad. And she said to us mop it up, go to the bar to the problem. And yeah, Friday and Saturday and Sunday night. And this is what she said to me that changed my life. She said that your mom and dad are holding their socks and shoes when they went to the bar. Well, I just started sobbing like a child. And realize that I've been chasing them socks and shoes for the last 40 years. Yeah, and it's time to give it in. Yeah, that's trauma. Yeah.

Melissa Bright: 42:39

So one thing I will say and I think you'll agree with me is our parents. Probably, uh, no, I don't want to say they probably did. But our parents like, I feel I have finally accepted my dad. He's no longer here with me, but I have forgiven him. Because I feel that he only knew what he knew. And he grew up in a very, very hard childhood. Also, his dad was extremely hard on him. So that's all he knew. Could he have done better? Absolutely. He could have became self aware realize that this was not the best way. But he never did. I don't want to be that parent. My brother doesn't want to be that parent. But I have forgiven him for that. Because I don't think he he he knew and he didn't take the time to understand also just know

Dr. Robb Kelly: 43:31

what are your thoughts? No manual with with raising kids. You don't this the second world war two generations after that suffered because of that. They have the stiff upper lip, you know, they don't show any emotion. It's got to do this, this this. I want to put a disclaimer out there that this is not the parents fault. By the way. You know, this is way society work. My mom and dad barely scraped by sometimes, you know, it was a loving house. And this is not parents going well, you didn't do you should have done better? No, we did. They didn't know. What did they know. It's only because we're delving back into trauma and going huh. But just don't take it. Well, they did the best they can. Well, Melissa, you're not with your kids and I'm not with my one child. It's come back to me we can do better. And I think that is just generational learning. What most people stop smoking, most people don't drink as much. Okay, we're getting healthy. So we go to the neuroscience to trauma to behavioral clearing all that stuff. So we are getting better and better. But hey, there's no blame that second set generation for coming back from the war, that there's no blame at all. It's like the COVID virus. I had a Kobe Jover and everything he told he just begun with the trauma from that. Are you kidding me? You know that 95% of people on death row are insane by the time they get the injection or the chair. Why? Because of isolation. We were stuck in a house for 12 months. Don't think that's the end of it. The mask might have been gone but the trauma and the devastation the tidal wave from the isolation is going to kill a lot of people going forward.

Melissa Bright: 44:55

Yep, yep. You know your stuff, man. Okay, so I want to know about because we've talked a lot about trauma and addiction. That's what we've talked mostly about. So talk to me about the understanding of body language in the somatic experience,

Dr. Robb Kelly: 45:13

somatic experience have been ramping. Yes, the only over the last five to 10 years is the addiction injuries as a whole gone? Hmm, a second, a second look at it. So we found out about 10 or 15 years ago that, hey, the buddy's got something to do with his alcoholism. Let's go back to 1938. When the a book says, Hey, we can't leave out the body when it comes to it, even though it says in my mind. So then 10 years ago, we started to look back at somatic experiences is anything to me to learn from this, and that is about trauma, how we keep it down. So let's say if you've ever saw a deer being hit by a car but not died, it will lay motionless on the floor for two or three seconds, then it will jump up, and then it will shake violently, then it'll run off, two minutes later, the same day is going across the same row with the same can probably get hit again. But it doesn't worry about that it doesn't have trauma over because it shook it off. At the incident. Human beings don't do that. We deal with trauma, we take it in, we stuff it down, we take it and stuff it down. What somatic experience teaches us is we can tell by the body behavior, and our body language and our feeling a week or even two weeks before the relapse, we the gut feeling that most people don't think is real. It goes back to the tribal days, and one of the tribesmen will get that gut feeling that fear that something's near in danger, he would wake the rest of the tribe up and go, Okay, let's make a decision as a group do we run? Or do we stay in fight? There's loads of feelings around the body that we miss. On a daily basis, the gut feeling is always right. And the first choice you make is usually the right one. But as human beings we doubt that somatic experience is helping us listen to our voice and our being and our feelings. internal dialogue is very, very hard to really watch we want speak to our enemies the way we speak to ourselves sometimes. So we do that a body change a feeling of we have to catch that asthmatic experience change, and it's do some work around that. Mostly meditation, going back to scenes of crimes, where we were that trauma hit, so that now we can feel everything in our body when it's wrong. Because you know, when you do something wrong, Melissa, if you stole $10 from a one that you feel it's wrong, you know, it's wrong. Okay. The problem being with alcoholism is we know that strong for somatic experience, we can go hey, that's wrong. We know we could fit in our gut. Yeah, with alcoholism internal internal dialogue, is that the normal people get that voice all done wrong. What alcoholics get in the same tone of voice, like I say, I love you, Melissa. I'm going to buy some flowers on the way home. What the alcohol voice says to me, it's okay to drink and self sabotage and screw everybody else. It's in the team tone of voice that the good behavior come from. That's why we have to look at the body as well as the mind because the mind lies to us all the time.

Melissa Bright: 48:14

Yes, it does. Can you hear my damn dog?

Dr. Robb Kelly: 48:17

She's beautiful. Is it fair?

Melissa Bright: 48:18

He it's a he and he's gonna drive me insane. So give me a second I'm gonna let his ask come in here because we've been left hanging on

Dr. Robb Kelly: 48:28

to the show guys. He starts around Kelly the addiction Doctor looking good feeling God and just waiting for Melissa to get back. Boom, there we go. Look at the size. Just I'm just entertaining people like

Melissa Bright: 48:40

he's a he's, well, you can't see him now. But hopefully he doesn't go in your eye. Sometimes a mic picks it up. Sometimes it doesn't. So I felt like it was doing it and I need needed to stop that. The question I wanted to ask you is a lot of this interchangeable with drug addiction?

Dr. Robb Kelly: 48:59

Yes, definitely. Both because the same. Both treatments are the same for both. Okay, only difference slightly is the one was born one is made. So 95% of people that come to me with a staunch heroin addict 95% of my research and my figures 7000 People started in the doctor's office. So one has to take a drug to become addicted to then cross over that line to not being able to stop because you have the addictive personality. So that's when they both present the same. The only difference is you can trace our continent back three generations but yeah, treatments the same shows up the same trauma and and family dysfunction, and even places where you grew up. When people say well, poor people, surely they get it worse than rich people. Now, that's not true. I know I've gone to discriminate, but let me tell you about abandonment that they see alcoholics best friend. So the abandonment in a poor families obviously, they're not being they're not being able to care for you guys, you know going on food stamps, wherever So let's look at the $2 million house. Dad's never there. He's always working to pay for the house. The abandonment, mom's out socializing. It's both abandoned, both kids are abandoned. If there's alcoholism in the family. Both will be alcoholics when they grow up unless you seek information education first. But there's still, there's still a chance both of them to live a great life.

Melissa Bright: 50:21

Yeah. Why? Okay, so say if my mom was addicted to pain pills, I haven't I have not struggled with, with pain pills. No. But why? Why would that not be a thing? Why would that not come through generational stuff? Like why is it alcohol and not drugs?

Dr. Robb Kelly: 50:44

Because we can't trace it back further enough. And only about five to 10 years ago, did you start doing synthetic drugs. So there's no research on that. That's the only reason opium was around cocaine was around the day, very hard to get statistics off that. And most you have to take it to become with alcohol. It's already it's already a dysfunction before we take alcohol from the minute we take it, it sets up that chain reaction, every alcoholic, at the age of whatever, when you take the first thing mine was nine will always end up the same. It's just not the same with with drug addiction.

Melissa Bright: 51:17

Okay. And this is just out of curiosity for my own selfishness. So I have a very hard time wrapping my head around people drinking, like, just huge amounts what like a whole handle of vodka and a day like, I'm 36 years old now. And I'm dying after like four drinks the next day. How? What makes an alcoholic different that they can handle so much more alcohol?

Dr. Robb Kelly: 51:45

Well, I know people that drink more than me but weren't alcoholic. So again, going back to the liquid itself. It's nothing to do with that. It's not nothing to do with what time you drink, the quantities we drink. When we start when we stopped nothing to do with that. The chemical reaction starts when I take alcohol into my body, all bets are off. So the thing I ask people is when you take the first drink, can you stop? And alcohol it leaves to say no abuse of alcohol. CO Yeah, I can stop for work. I think that's one of only but they drink more than ours. So that's the difference. I think that answers the question.

Melissa Bright: 52:17

It does. Okay. Okay. Okay. Now, I know you've been asked this question a lot in you on a new segment that I saw about you talking about this, but high functioning alcoholics. What, like were you a successful person, but still an alcoholic? And when people are trying to look for the signs, and you're like, well, he shows up for work every day. He's he's making a lot of money he's providing. Why are you still an alcoholic, though?

Dr. Robb Kelly: 52:47

Yeah, it's an interesting question. high functioning. That's what I was, you know, but it's time. Let me explain. So I'd start a new job. I start at nine. I get after eight. The boss goes, Hey, Rob. Wow. Yo, starts on nine year eight. Yeah, let's get early. Finish it for five o'clock. Rob, you're still here. You should have gone Oh, yeah, I'll go give it over a three month period. It's 12 o'clock, where the hell's Rob, that's when it starts to show so that that period might be 10 years, maybe 20 years, maybe 10 weeks, maybe 10 hours. But sooner or later, given any considerable period, we're going to start to show our real colors. So alcoholic, will often drink on the way to work a couple of little bottles before they get to work, take breath mints, mouthwash, whatever they do. And they'll perform pretty good because we're high performing people. And one of the things we see when we put the alcohol down and change the way we think and behavior is no matter what the alcoholic then goes into is going to be successful at alcoholics, who have recovered from the disease, don't build businesses, they build empires. That's what we teach them. Because the alcoholic man is brilliant. But we can run an auto pilot. People go oh, you know something about the blackout for two days. God, I wish I could have blackouts for two months, I used to wake up in different countries, not different hotels in different countries. How I'd got on a plane, I have no idea drunk. I've always convinced him something because I'm a high performer. But sooner or later, it all comes crashing down. Because it's a it's a disease that never gets any better. So progressive illness. You know, every single time that drink goal is getting worse and worse and worse. And it comes it for me it took its period over 28 years. And then it came for me real quickly. And within three to four months. Plus the kid lost a wife lost her house and it was homeless like real quick it came from and there's nothing we can do once it crosses over that. The Xone strong treatment with neuroscience or death choices was hard for me to make. I want you to die.

Melissa Bright: 54:52

Without getting too deep into this, in your experience of being homeless did most of these people that were homeless were They suffering from some kind of mental illness.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 55:03

100% Yeah, 100%. But the funny thing is in Manchester, England when I was homeless, I met doctors and scientists and their ex footballers, and a mathematician once, who'd solved some math equation back in the 60s that changed the world. And he knew we construct drinking, so he didn't want to hurt anybody. So he was homeless for about four years, when, when I came across it, you know, very, very highly educated, very, very smart guy. So yeah, there's all sorts of living on the streets, because there's a certain point, we just go, can't live in society anymore. I just can't be close, and you're back. I didn't want any responsibility when I was on the streets. That was kind of you know, I didn't I chose to didn't have to mortgage I didn't have to make five grand a month pay the mortgage, and the cars and the bills and it was all taken away. And I was I could do was just drink. And it was just phenomenal. But what happened in England and about overhears in the 60s and 70s, they closed mental institutions, they just closed them. And, and the hospitals and the police and the paramedics were were left to deal with these people. And they obviously they went straight, the family doesn't want them. So they went straight to the streets of family didn't want me. They made it quite clear that they don't have nothing to do with me. And I used to phone home from the streets and my mom, hello, Hey, mom, she's put the phone straight down. She was told to do that by by a good friend of mine who was in the program. When we look back at homelessness 90 95% of people in Manchester back in the day when I was homeless are dead. There's only one or 2% actually get off the streets. And I was one of them. 1% is just oh my crazy. All happened. I went back there with a with a visit. My daughter and my wife came with me and see my dad, my mom's passed away. But we did, we did a documentary and we went back to the bench that I used to sleep on because we all had our own benches. And that was my restroom. That was my lounge that was my you know, breakfast room. And I lay down carefully lay down on the bench with with all my clothes now new clothes now that just lay down on the bench. And he took me right back there. And my new wife who does know doesn't know anything but never experienced this but she knows about my past started to cry. It was like it took us all back to them cold nights of begging on the street. And because the camera was there some guys come and say what are you doing should be doing that? So he turned around and said he was homeless. One of you guys. And they started to cry. It was just so powerful. And so healing. And this was only about three years ago now so it wasn't you know, I'm always healing I'm always you know, get but he was so powerful. When I look back on that and feeling of lay down it was just like you have you have come far you've done really good for yourself. Yeah, God's God's just this is God's vision for me. And it's just amazing.

Melissa Bright: 57:58

Yeah. Would you say that your experience of being homeless was traumatic

Dr. Robb Kelly: 58:04

100% of night, I woke up one morning on my bench and the guy next to me had been stabbed to death for sneakers. You know, I to literally fist fight every day to stay alive. I did Bare Knuckle fighting. The problem with me is I went on the streets. I was a bodybuilder and a fighter. Always have been big guy, you know, steroid freak around the streets. I could have anything on anybody. But what happened over a period of time because I wasn't eating as much weight dropped and dropped and dropped. And in the end, I was the one who was the prey. I was the one getting beaten up. How's the one broken nose? You know, teeth knocked out there trying to fight for my life. Yeah, what? I look back now. And I will say this my time on the streets and everything I've been through is like a semester at Harvard. The information and knowledge that I got when people come today go Doctor, what a you know, in your big house and you've been you've never been homeless Jack never lost your kids checks, never been beaten and raped on the streets, check what else you are. And that's the cut. That's the connection they have with me go oh my god. How did you get out? I'll tell you how I got out guys. Yeah, and you can do the same. I'm the only business owner in the world that mentors other people who want to be like me, but I get them better than me. And peel accounting standards should be given a sequence away. I'm 60 years old Melissa ain't got a lot. I've got like 15 summertimes left. I want to pass this on. I want to see people do good. It warms my heart when I see one of my people are mentoring. They get that contract. They get that television spot. It warms my heart. It's like I just want the best for people that want to do this deal. I'm not jealous of anybody. I will never stop you doing anything.

Melissa Bright: 59:36

Yeah, that's amazing. And I love what you said about oh my god What did you say? I lost my train of thought for a second. It might come back to me. Oh about like people saying you've never been homeless you've never done this. That's the power of connection is when we share our vulnerabilities and our like that's that's been my whole thing. That's how I've connected with people over the past two years is because I got a lot of shit to throw out on the table, and you're probably gonna have a lot of that same shit that I have. So that's how we are going to connect

Dr. Robb Kelly: 1:00:08

with our books as he tells us that our past is our greatest asset, which I truly believe. So today as a double PhD doctor, trained in neuroscience and alcoholism, psychology, I've got to say that 10% is college and education, and 90% is experience. Yeah, that's what makes me so good. So I'm not on look at me, I went to Oxford University, I went to Oxford because I, I docked and I dived and has got a good job, Abbey Road paid of 40 got me through, I come from the project, people like me, don't go to Oxford. But you see the addicted brain, it will see it will succeed at any given tough. And I can't call on that an early stage. And it's like I do everything any when I met my wife, my wife eight years ago, and I told them the stuff I used to do. That's got to be some you've got to be telling some lies there somewhere. I've actually sat down with you today, because we've done we've done, we met like seven or eight years ago, I was out the industry. But we've got we've done millions and millions dollars together. And she said I was doing something with somebody and she said, Oh my God, did you really like that, aren't you? I said, Yeah, you know, always be good. Always be nice became these opportunities to always take them never to one down. Always take it no matter what it is, no matter how small you think it is. I went into a cafe once on a meeting with a friend of mine. And this old lady like a bag lady Melissa next to me. Okay, I was I fell out. So he's got about a coffee. And we're talking about this this success thing. And she turned around, she says, oh, excuse me, my daughter, my daughter has a problem, you know, blah, blah, blah. You should need help. And my friend went, I didn't. I said, Okay, give him a business card. She gave me I gave her a business cards. And about two or three days later, this lady called that was a multi millionaire of this huge fashion company that did work with the underwear company, Victoria's Secrets, absolutely huge. I didn't know that. He's like, it doesn't matter who they are. Because if you you know, give him a card, tell him they can help you. And you never know who you speaking to never know he's speaking to.

Melissa Bright: 1:02:16

Yep. 100%. I've had many, many experiences like that also. Okay, we have a couple minutes left, I definitely want to get in a couple of questions that my listeners social media people, whoever asked you, I'm going to try not to do a repeat of what we've already talked about. So one of the questions is, how can a person get help? If they don't have the financial means? What would you recommend?

Dr. Robb Kelly: 1:02:44

Call up a treatment center and an attorney can't afford it? Do you have any pro bono available? You'd be surprised how many people do get into chat rooms, go to Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm not promoting it. I'm just telling you to go. And then start dialogue with people around you. And if you're really stuck, call us we'll try and get your help in that area. You know, we know 25% of our work is done pro bono, but we're always six or seven months out waiting list. So there's always somebody out there to help you just need to know where to look. But try treatment centers first, then try a you know, try and get somebody who knows what he's talking about in that. He said right?

Melissa Bright: 1:03:23

Perfect. At what percentage do recovering addicts go back to their same environment and fall back into old patterns.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 1:03:31

People that don't change during treatment, don't have the change in old pathways and self sabotage don't change the way they think. Don't change who they are, what they think how they dress what they do. Well go back to the same environment every single time. So that was a girl 17 years old was snatched up the streets in Manchester many years ago. The police couldn't find her after nine months. Gay follow please follow the car down the road broken indicator broke a signal light, pulled him over broken square stolen screwdriver in the back of the car in England had to go back to the house. So they went they searched their house they found the lawn mowers they found bikes that he's stolen, for they also found a big box in the corner, four foot high by 12 foot wide. And they said you got more similar stolen goods and they smashed a lock and opened and there was the 17 year old girl like they snatched up the street name once before he used to take her out every single day abuser that go to the restroom beater put her back in there for nine months. But she was alive on the open the box. The police officer bent down please want to take her out the box put a coat rounder. What's the first thing she did? She got back in the box. Yeah, if nothing changes, guys, nothing changes. The same with alcoholism. Get out the frickin box smash it to pieces change everything about you. Show me your friends are showing you future and go on to live an amazing life.

Melissa Bright: 1:04:49

Yeah. Do you believe that everybody is capable of being helped? They want help.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 1:04:54

100% of the time I've seen the hopeless get help. You know I've seen a homeless bonds become CEOs of companies. I've seen homeless women become managers of a sweeping company. So they're old, it makes no difference what your aim is, but you can succeed. And this is what people don't understand or not, stop taking the break of your imagination, take them off. I can't do this, I can't do that. If you keep saying yourself that that's what's gonna happen. But let me tell you quantum physics is real. start visualizing it. Once you visualize yourself in that job with that girl that house that car, wherever it is, if you're doing the right thing to take care of yourself and helping others. Wherever you imagine you can hold in your hand. It's 100%. Guaranteed. And every time I say that, Melissa, someone go, Well, I can't be president of United States. Well, listen, let's forget your political views for a minute. We had a business and running the country. Don't tell me you can't achieve your dreams. You can, and you are capable. And if you're sat at home, listen to this guy's, for one second, I'm being serious. Now. Take this, if nothing else, if you want to set it on thinking that you're not worth it. If you're started on thinking that you're never going to become anything, I want to apologize to you guys. Because somebody is put that there. That's not the way we are born. We are born to succeed. We are born to dream and live that dream. That's what we're born for. But family and friends and people around you want a kick out of you. That'd be stupid. Rob, you can go to college. be stupid. You can be a footballer, don't be stupid. Stop it. Listen to them. Tell the internal dialogue. Okay. Every time somebody says impossible for our past apostrophe at them, I'm possible. Not impossible for us. Why do I go this go? You dude, I'm throwing an apostrophe at you. What does that mean? Well, you said it's impossible. I'm saying think apostrophe. I'm possible. Every single time.

Melissa Bright: 1:06:46

Oh my gosh, so you can't see it right now. You might be let me move it. That's right back there is my vision board. Beautiful I created and I look at it every single day. I'm telling you I am envisioning. And I have big goals, huge goals. So you got to be able to visualize it and believe it because I've I suffer from limit from limiting beliefs because of how I was taught to you as a child. So you were literally preaching right to me when you said that. Okay, two last questions. Tell me about your book that you have out and where people can find it.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 1:07:19

It's called Daddy, Daddy, please stop drinking. It's a sad story about my daughter was taken away from me. And that's what she said, Daddy, Daddy, please stop drinking as the police took her away. It's on Amazon. I don't know where you guys have a Walmart apparently in there as well. But Amazon is the go to place. Now here's a couple of things. Go on and buy. It's good for you. It's good story, it's information, but then pass it on to a friend. It's $9. If you buy it and go, Well, this is not worth it. Find me Dr. Rob Kelley, any search engine, I'll refund you the money. Okay, as long as you pass it on to somebody else. So by if you don't get a refund, to great read our search Dr. Rob Kelley, you'll see it's actually on my website, Rob kelley.com split, the two b's are on BB K e ll y.com. press their buttons is not to be direct. What I know right? Underneath it is a button to buy the book, go buy it, you're enjoy it, believe me all the money from all the profits, you know, you hear people go, all the profits go to No, that's not everyone's taking the piece out. All the money of the $9 goes back out there into the community, we help single people who want to get the kids back with pay for attorneys by that small car. We've spent over $200,000, giving back last year to people on the streets or wanting to get their life back again. Because they can't see the kids or they've got nowhere to go. That's what that book does part of it.

Melissa Bright: 1:08:35

That's awesome. And as you guys know, it's always in the show notes. You guys, I put how you can connect with the people. So it's in the show notes as well. My last question to you is, in your own words, what does the bright side of life mean to you?

Dr. Robb Kelly: 1:08:50

The Bright Side of Life is living your dream. The Bright Side of Life is living inside your skin feeling very comfortable. And the bright side of life is to help others. That's the foundation of a bright life moving forward. And you do them three things, guys, and it's 100% guarantee that your life will take off.

Melissa Bright: 1:09:11

Yes. Awesome. Rob, thank you so much for coming here to share all of your knowledge. I know I took you out of the pool. But now you can go back in the pool.

Dr. Robb Kelly: 1:09:21

It's been an absolute pleasure. I just I was looking small to see so and then when they messed up is like oh my god. And then as soon as the damage jumped out, it's like no good. I've done my research on yours. It's looking forward to this. You're an amazing person. And let me tell you something while we're still alive. Yeah. That's it. I want to recognize you and thank you for what you do. I want to recognize you and thank you, for the hundreds of 1000s of people that you helped with a knock on effect. I want to recognize you for standing out in the crowd and being counted. Where everybody wants to hide with this illness or, you know, PTSD and trauma. When the thank you personally. You're an amazing person. You'll have all the success in the world. I have this knack of spotting winners. I don't know why it's real, believe it or not. Thank you for all your work. Thank you for allowing me on today.

Melissa Bright: 1:10:09

Awesome. Thank you. Thank you. That was awesome. And that was very, very, very encouraging. Very encouraging. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. This has been a highly anticipated episode. For me, I was really, really excited to talk to Dr. Rob, I have seen many, many of his new segments and everything that he talks about addiction and alcoholism, like I talked about has played a role in my life, like it has for so many of us. And I just absolutely loved everything that he said. And he talked about and oh my gosh, I literally when I was editing, editing this episode, I was stopping so much to like, point out certain quotes that he said, and so many of them were great, you know, show me your friends, I'll show you your future was one that really stood out to me. I just love that one, I really, really hope that you guys got many, many takeaways from this. I love the science behind this because I feel me personally, that's where some of the misunderstanding comes from alcoholism and addiction, if people personally have not experienced this, and they might just think it's a choice when there is something chemically wrong in that person's brain. There is some kind of trauma. And if you have listened to any of my episodes, you know, I am so big on learning and educating myself. And that's what it would be to, for people to educate themselves on why are they turning to alcohol? Why are they turning to drugs, and really, really getting to the root of the problem to be able to get sober and to live a beautiful life that they were meant to live. So that's all I have to say about that. You know, you guys can always connect with Rob, his information will be in the shownotes or on the website at the bright side of life. podcast.com And guys, I am begging you. We all know one person, at least, that is struggling with alcoholism or addiction. So my favor today is to please share this episode with somebody that you know, that has been affected by it. Because I know. I know. I know that this could be the episode that puts hope back in their heart